CheapJAP

Mommy's Closet

Your Mom…(and her closet)

Stealing from stores might be illegal, but stealing from Mommy’s wardrobe is essential for the fiscally responsible fashionista. Choose your stolen goods wisely - new purchases and anything she wears regularly are strictly off limits (for my Mom, this usually means workout gear, so no biggie). Always ask before you take, not because you need permission, but because asking your Mom to “borrow” her material wares is an indirect way of saying you admire her style. This will make her feel young, and possibly result in an impromptu bonding experience (read: shopping trip) on her (read: Daddy’s) dime.

That my mother and I are not the same shoe size is perhaps God’s biggest joke on me. Mere inches stand between me and racks and racks of thousands of dollars worth of stilettos, a third of which she’s never worn and never will. Last year, I found myself in her closet surveying the dire situation. I’d just finished my ritual of trying on 4 or 5 pairs of her least worn/most coveted heels to no avail. My feet had not grown, hers had not shrunk, things were
looking grim.

Then my eyes traveled up to the top most shelf of her
closet - land of the Uggs and mink ankle booties - and I noticed a pair of shoes I hadn’t seen before. Knee-high flat riding boots in buttery brown leather. Ralph Lauren. Circa 1988. O. M. G. I put on a pair of thick socks, pulled on the boots and BAM! I had shoes that were better than new. They were free.

When people compliment the boots and ask where they can buy a pair (this happens often), I smile, say thank you, and tell them that unfortunately, Ralph Lauren stopped making these boots in the early 90s. The fact that Mom buys Ralph Lauren makes people think that I have the dough to do the same, which couldn’t be further from the truth. These boots aren’t made for walkin’ - they’re made for lookin’ loaded. And that’s just what they do!