CheapJAP

Cheap JAP 101

JAPology: A Brief Schpiel

I’ve got a lot of Goy buddies for a JAP, most of whom can’t grasp the meaning of Jewish American Princess without extensive pontificating on my behalf. This morning, I happened upon Urban Dictionary’s definition of “JAP”. It’s possibly the most brilliant and well-researched term in the collective tome. Now that I’ve finished laughing my little tuchis off, let’s review the characteristics that delineate us JAPs as such.

1. A Female who collects designer fashion items.
2. Bane to the existence of dating men. Large breasted, outwardly attractive, internally spoiled, greedy, complicated, self-righteous, and
obnoxiously difficult and overbearing Jewish female.

Check, check, and check. Don’t we sound awesome?! Read on for some more fabulous (albeit slightly less accurate) JAPology.

3. Sexy Jewish girls with a lot of money.

Sexy, fo sheez. But for Cheap JAPs, having a lot of money via the parentals doth not equate to having a lot of money for buying clothes (whimper).

4. A bitchy girl who wears SoLow, Hardtail, Juicy Couture, Ugg and other brand names. ALL of their bags (Coach, Dooney and Burke, Prada, Burberry. etc) are REAL. They can spot a fake bag from a mile away.

Bitch please, Uggs are eternally Out. And I can’t spot a fake bag from a mile away. I can spot a fake bag from 5 miles away.

5. Spend their summers at very expensive, jappy sleep-a-way camps where they feel the need to act like sluts and make other jappy friends. Even though they may not act it, they are all sluts at heart and secretly dream about things guys would do to them. They may seem prude; but they’re really not.

Fine, I went to sleep-a-way camp. But it was a performing arts camp, which meant all the boys were out of the closet by Bar Mitzvah time, so I didn’t get to indulge my inner-JAPslut until years later.