CheapJAP

Excessories

The TOTO (Take One Thing Off) Clause

It should go without saying that large, bold earrings, a statement-y necklace, rings and bangles worn all at once fuck up even the most carefully planned outfits. But it can’t go without saying, because I see this shit all the time. In lieu of me attacking random victims of such over-excessorizing with lines like, “What, was The Icing having a clearance sale?” let’s tackle the issue of outfit adornment here.
I wear two accessories almost 24/7: Diamond studs and a Cartier watch. Hard to believe, what with my being so grounded and all. While a few simple, high-quality excessories always trump a ton of plasticky, Urban Outfitters-esque crap, they’re almost entirely dependent on familial charity. Start kissing some serious ass if you haven’t yet finagled a watch and/or earrings of this ilk, but don’t do something stupid like save your money, for legit jewelry is a splurgy poo beyond our reach. Until you have the kind of dough that frees you from Cheap JAP status, look to flea markets, thrift stores and street vendors for the occasional accessory purchase. Also raid your mother’s jewelry drawer (not the stuff in the safe, naughty girl).
To avoid over-excessorizing, one must determine her excess of choice. I’m an earring person, and I frequently use these three pairs to kick my outfits up a notch. The faux Chanels and flowers were “borrowed” from Mom; the turquoise ones were bought on the street for $15. With accessories - as is the case with many things in life - less is always more. When in doubt, TOTO your ass, and your outfit will improve immediately.