CheapJAP

Cheap JAP 101

The Bi-Annual Wardrobe Purge

Spring hath sprung, which means it’s time to de-clutter and disinfect. I’m not talking about dusting your apt and scrubbing your oven - that’s what cleaning services are for. I’m talking about ridding your closet of the inevitable uglies cowering out of sight on the far hangers and unreachable shelves. That “Brooklyn” tee you bought when you moved to the borough because you thought it was sooo edgy (guilty)? Buh bye. That cheapie thrift store dress that ripped three seconds after its first wear? History. That Theory pleated skirt that’s neither long enough to look retro nor short enough to look hot? That goes too. Below, a few more tips that make the purge process relatively painless.

Employ the Two Month Rule
If you haven’t thought about a particular item or tried it on in two months, it’s not getting worn anytime soon. This goes double for higher end labels; don’t ever let a tag dupe you into thinking something has a place in your closet. That ill-fitting wrap dress does make you look fat, DVF or no.
Eff Nostalgia
If you were as Greek as I was in college, you’ve probably hung onto some theme party garb. It’s time to trash anything ever worn at a “Pimps and Hos” party. Because you’re a real, live adult now. Same thing goes for your ex-boyfriend’s t-shirt; it doesn’t still smell like him, it smells like you need to get over it.
Store the Winterwear
If your coffee table doesn’t double as a storage trunk, I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing living in a studio apt in the New York Metropolitan area. Don’t just chuck your sweaters into storage and deal with them in October. Purge the entire closet now, and store only the cold-weather clothes you know you’ll wear later. Then marvel at the spartan cleanliness of your sweater shelf. Space! For new stuff! Yaay!
Size up the Maybes
Always trash anything that’s too big, particularly pants. Yes, you can get them tailored, but they’ll never fit just right and it’s a massive pain the ass. Any “Health” section of a women’s mag will tell you to lose your skinny jeans because they’ll discourage you from losing weight. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Hang onto the skinny jeans, bust your ass for a few weeks to get into them (read: stop eating meat and dairy), and spring shopping - even on the cheap - will be that much more fun.