It goes without saying that sample sales are scary as fuck. Why? Because the likelihood of taking an “accidental” elbow to the eye from a fellow female shopper increases in direct proportion to the awesomeness of the brand in question. Alas, there are too many JAPtastic labels at 30-70% off this week to ignore the blessing/curse that is the sample sale – among them Botkier (no, NOT “for Target”), L.A.M.B., Alice and Olivia, Generra and Rag & Bone. I must heed my inner label whore and check them out…but not before a refresher course in the Top Five Ways to Score at a Sample Sale.

1. No Time Frames Allowed
I’m sympathetic to the fact that most people are nine-to-fivers, so I’m not going to suggest you take a personal day to get there the second the sale opens (oh, wait…). But you’re not going to find anything decent over the course of a lunch break. If you don’t allow yourself at least an hour of browsing time, you’ll either buy something unnecessary and/or fugly, or leave embittered by your inability to score.

2. Eyes On the Prize
If I’m looking for a big effing awesome tote at a sample sale, I’m not going to putz around with clutches or wallets. Know what you want before you go, and only deviate from it after you’ve assessed and rejected the full selection offered. Should you happen to find what you’re looking for, don’t start browsing on your shopper’s high – you’re too giddy to think rationally, and you’ll end up spending a buttload more than you intended.

3. Ignore the Tag
Sounds counterintuitive, I know. But – as is the case with any sale – the more an item is marked down, the more we think we need it. Averting your eyes from the pricetags in the initial stages of your sample sale experience means that if you like something, you like it for what it is and not because it’s a $700 gold-sequined pant reduced to $150 (gross).

4. Address the Tag
Only after you’ve found something you looooooove should you assess the price. Items are anywhere from 30-70% off, and while the latter means a bonafide score, the former means your item is probably still on “sale” at Bloomies or Saks and can be acquired sans sample sale irritation. A $1500 handbag at 30% off is still over a thousand dollars. Be reasonable, goddammit.

5. Put On Your Bitch Face
Your fellow female sample sale shoppers are not your friends. They are your competition, and they are in your way. Nothing says “Slowly back away from those jeans – they’re mine” like an angry, dirty glare and a subtle nudge. Remember: the sample sale is an exercise in Darwinian consumption. You might not actually be a nasty, ruthless beotch but if you’re willing to look like one, you’re not just more likely to survive the sale; you’re more likely to score too.