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Oy Vey!

The Very Vomitous Vogue

Ahh, Vogue. Aliases: Conniving Queen of Chic, Evil Stepmother of Style, Embodiment of All Things We Can’t Afford. I recently received the July issue and something on the cover caught my eye. Something incongruous to the mag’s content and concept. Something implying that even Vogue was susceptible to a fashion reality check. Something that read, “Cheap Chic: Strategies for Shopping the Trends on a Budget.”

It’s a post-holiday weekend Monday; you office folk could probs use a good chuckle. Well, you’re in luck. Because Vogue’s idea of budget shopping is the biggest fucking joke I have ever heard.

The mag’s first eff-up is letting its editrixes define what constitutes “being chic without breaking the bank.” Based on their suggestions, these floozies are either buffeted by family moolah, married to rich dudes and/or heinously overpaid. Their bank ain’t the same as our bank. Are most of the items featured under $500? Yes. Is spending around $500 on one item ever an economically sound decision? No. Eff no.

Some choice selections of Vogue’s “economists” are as follows: $375 Te Casan Menswear Booties, a $358 Marc by Marc Jacobs dress, a $495 Moschino Cheap & Chic skirt, a $495 Converse by John Varvatos peacoat, $249 Acne Jeans, and $495 Jenni Kayne aviators. Apparently, continual access to that infamous accessories closet results in the notion that anything under a grand constitutes a steal.

While there are some $100 tee shirts and $150 skirts thrown into the mix, the bulk of Vogue’s suggestions aren’t even remotely practical for stylish gals on a budget. If this mag were Gotham, W, Departures, or any other publication exclusively reserved for rich people, I wouldn’t fault it for reveling in its high-end bubble. But every style savvy girl - loaded or no - reads Vogue. It’s the fashion bible because its word is supposed to be gospel. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want 90% of the items suggested in this feature; Vogue has impeccable, cutting-edge taste. But it’s also expensive taste, and to frame it as anything else - smart shopping, budget chic, whatevs - is a big eff you to Cheap JAPs everywhere.

It’s trendy to jump on the budget shopping bandwagon; the economy blows, everyone’s doing it. But if Vogue wants to be as In as always, they need to think outside of their respective designer-obsessed, label-whoring, ready-to-wear boxes. Mwahaha.