11:36 AM • Jan 2nd, 2009
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
If I had to sum up the stylistic inclinations of St. Barth’s in three words: High-Class Prostitute. Wet T-shirt Contests - Bad; $300 Transparent Bikinis - Good. So, in the spirit of the skin-revealing atmosphere, I cut this Marimekko for H&M Maxidress into a Mini. And used the excess material to make a do-rag, but I’m probs too white to call it that sooo…. head scarf? Does that work?
While the dress obvs looked better long, its original length did nothing for my five foot, two and a half inch frame; it rendered me downright shrimpy.
Note to self: Maxidresses are only chic when you’re tall enough to not trip over the hem.
Plus, I’ve always wanted to wear a do-rag. I mean head scarf.
4:35 PM • Dec 23rd, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
Now, while the PC term “Happy Holidays” technically includes Chanukah, most of my tribe understands that our version of Christmas is what Tofurkey is to Thanksgiving: A meatless substitute that pales in comparison to the real thing. We still do gifts, but they’re never from Santa. Sniffle.
This year, Mom, Dad and Little Bro Matt all got versions of my own go-to apparel (because I can’t possibly imagine a better gift than the opportunity to dress like me!). Alas, one can only get so excited about Uniqlo Heat-Tech Shirts and American Apparel Tri-Blend Tees, so I took things up a notch by lettering their gifts with the most frequently uttered phrases in our house.
Dritz Iron-On Touch Letters (no sewing required, obvs) were my weapon of choice. “You ASS!” is beloved by us all, but it went to Mom for her continually impassioned delivery; Matt got “EFF OFF” because it’s my line and - like “fetch” - I’m trying to make it happen with America’s youth. Dad’s shirt - not pictured because he’d already worn it out of the house pre-photo shoot - reads “Big Piece of Chicken” a la Chris Rock, whom he’s fond of quoting. Truer words were never spoken.
After everyone recovered from shock at my having used an iron (a) by choice and (b) without injuring myself or others, they had a nice chuckle over their new garb. Is there a better present than laughter? I don’t THINK so.
Merry Whatever to you and yours.
5:23 PM • Dec 18th, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
Clutter-free walls are supposed to make one’s shoebox of an apt feel larger than it is. Whatever. The starkness of mine bored me to tears; henceforth, my walls became a canvas for my clothes and accessories, and a means to save closet space. The eye candy of my wares should be displayed, if only for me to admire. This is my art, people.
Tools: Huggable Hangers, 3M Utensil Hook.
Possibly two of the most brilliant inventions EVER. Huggable Hangers are a no-brainer - they free up closet space and maintain the shape of clothes, making those cumbersome wood ones entirely irrelevant. 3M’s Utensil Hooks are designed for kitchen tools, something I’m not overly familiar with, obvs.
But they work equally well for purses, belts, dresses, et. al., provided you follow the instructions. You MUST press the adhesive side of the hook to the wall for a solid 30 seconds and wait ONE WHOLE HOUR before hanging anything on said hook. Amazingly enough, these little suckers do zero damage to your wall when you remove them - pull straight down on the bottom tab, and they pop right off!
LOVE IT.
3:40 PM • Dec 10th, 2008
By cheapjap
8:52 PM • Dec 9th, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
If these drawings look like a first-grader did them, tough nuts. The buck of my artistic genius begins and ends with inflicting my scissoring skillz on old clothes. (I’m one of those people who goes to art museums not to reflect on the art itself, but to silently snicker at the pretentious assbags pretending to understand said art. My resolution to not be a judgmental beotch doesn’t take effect until the 1st. So whatevs).
NOTE: You MUST read the instructions accompanying each of the below drawings, and not merely attempt to copy said drawings. Unless you want your sweater to look like a first-grader made it; then, by all means.
Step 1
Cut one slit up the middle of the front of the sweater. Stop cutting a few inches below the boob-line (i.e. a few inches below the point at which the sweater covers both boobs, top to bottom, in their entirety). Flip the sweater over. Do the same thing on back.
*If you get all anal and start stressing over where the exact center of the sweater is and bust out the measuring tape to double check, I will, as stated previously, hunt you down and beat you with my Botkier bag. This is supposed to be fun, goddammit. And fun means not freaking out when you inevitably screw up.
Step 2
On front of sweater, cut straight across the below-the-boob line. This will leave you with a cropped front. The material you’ve cut away will remain attached to the bottom hem of the sweater. We need to keep the hem and cut away the excess material. I repeat: We need to KEEP THE HEM and ensure it stays attached to the sweater at all costs. This hem will become a built-in tie used to shape this fugly thang. Trim away excess material until front of sweater is a less stupid version of the accompanying drawing. Flip over.
Step 3
The back of the sweater should now look like this. Continue along the below-the-boob-line from the front of the sweater with those scissors. You’re cutting from the sides to the center here, ladies. Keep cutting along the BTBL and trimming the excess material away from the bottom hem (differentiated as such by those little blue squiggles). Your cut-away material should loosely resemble triangles if you’re doing this right.
Step 4
Cut and trim until you’ve got two long strips down the back of the sweater. These strips are the de-constructed bottom hem of the sweater, plus the remaining material of the body of the sweater. (Unless you got a little too scissor-happy, in which case, you are DOOMED ;). The back of the sweater should now resemble this drawing. Flip over.
Step 5
The front of the sweater should now resemble this drawing. Those little dotted lines represent the ties on the back of the sweater, as indicated by the word BACK.
Step 6
Now, it’s time to try on your creation. Pull sweater over head. Reach around back; grab the left tie with your right hand and the right tie with your left. Pull criss-crossed ties around front. Wrap around torso as many times as length of ties allows, ending in front. Tie ends of ties in knot.
And start thinking about what to name your brand. Because you’s an effing fashion designer now! Weeee!
12:54 PM • Dec 9th, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
I like to get crafty when I’m watching TV, and re-fashioning clothing with scissors is my go-to activity as of late. So last Sunday, pre-watching the Eagles/Giants game with Dad, I went in search of some material to hack at. Mom’s lightweight pullovers were child’s play: I needed old clothes that required a transformational process time-consuming enough to last me an entire football game.
Me: Dad, do you wear these sweaters?
Dad: (To TV) I don’t know. Ask your Mom.
Me: They were in the Guest Room closet.
Dad: (To TV) Oh. Then no. Not in years.
Me: Great. I’m going to cut them up.
Dad: (To TV) Okay.
By the second commercial break, I’d begun snipping away at Dad’s old and possibly very expensive sweaters.
He periodically eyed me with a mixture of skepticism and amusement, occasionally throwing in his two cents.
Dad: The back’s uneven.
Me: I know.
Dad: It looks weird. You need to trim it.
Me: I KNOW, that’s why I’m TRYING IT ON, it’s not DONE YET.
Dad: (Snickers to self, rolls eyes).
By halftime, I had the first sweater looking like this.
Stay tuned for the step-by-step process, complete with diagrammed drawings!
2:52 PM • Dec 8th, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
Clearly, I’m not the first person to make a dress out of a pillowcase. I might just be the first to do it without ANY SEWING WHATSOEVER. Yessss.
I found this pillowcase whilst rummaging through my little brother’s drawers in search of old t-shirts to scissor. Three snips later, I had a new dress.
Wanting new stuff in spite of being broke doesn’t mean it’s time to whip out the plastic; it means it’s time to get creative. To those who claim a needle and thread as necessities for making your own clothes, I say PSHAW!
(Addendum: Is it just me, or is my creation the spitting image of American Apparel’s Fine Jersey T Dress? Muhaha.)
9:03 PM • Dec 4th, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
After showing Mommy’s Closet who was boss, I found this shapeless, Ralph Lauren cashmere sweater lurking in her NAY pile. I probs should have taken a ‘Before’ photo (hindsight’s a bitch). Just trust me when I say it was totally meh in its original form; the v-neck was too high-cut to flatter a C-cup, and the torso sagged off the body as opposed to hugging it.
Yes, it was in reasonably good condition and had the yummy softness characteristic of overpriced cashmere, but it made its wearer look utterly dowdy.
So I busted out the scissors, hacked up the neckline, snipped a few inches off the bottom, and made one bottom-to-middle cut in front. Then I put it on, simply tied the two front pieces together and Voi-freaking-la.
Fitted, cropped cashmere sweater accomplished!
11:45 AM • Nov 2nd, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
So, that dress I constructed out of a men’s lightweight silk sweater, a strip of patterned polyester and fabric glue survived its first dry cleaning.
I cinched it with an elastic black belt (on sale at Urban, $8), added gray tights and my fave black pumps… and was so enamored with the outfit and/or myself that I couldn’t be bothered to look up at the camera.
While I’m as pumped as my shoes that fabric glue gives me an excuse to avoid domesticity (read: learn to sew), I’m still skeptical of said glue’s durability.
This kickass mini-dress will probs fall apart the next time I wear it; a sad fact that forces me to answer one of those heavy life question things.
What matters more, my dress or my dignity?
(Insert pensive pause here).
So it’s settled then. I’m learning to sew.
2:44 PM • Oct 20th, 2008
By cheapjap
DIY Dallying
I saw this navy shapeless blob of a thing whilst thrifting at Monk the other day, and immediately knew it had potential. A belt turns an XL shirt into a dress - this we know. But what really made me go for it was the material: 100% silk. Oh, and it was five bucks.
Upon trying on and belting the silk blob, I realized it needed at least two inches in length to pass as a dress. Mini doth not mean looking like one’s forgotten to put on pants. I hacked an old patterned shirt into strips wide enough to elongate the blob. I cursed myself for ignoring my mother’s many attempts to teach me how to sew. Then I acquired something magical for the domestically handicapped fashionista. Fabric Glue.
Glue! How blissfully simple! Sticking the extra material onto the silk blob made me feel like a pre-schooler. Like, it was really fun.
Whether or not Aleene’s “OK To Wash-It” Fabric Glue stays true to its name remains to be seen. But I wore the dress to a party mere hours after the glue dried and it held up nicely.
Pictures of my five-dollars-plus-cost-of-glue-silk dress in outfit form to follow, (if it survives the dry cleaners, obvs).
