CheapJAP

Love With Hate Icing

One Fugly Freebie

While I’m not entirely above whoring myself out for publicity sans monetary compensation, I was obvs thrilled when Lucky gifted me with $300 in Amex gift certificates post-shoot. I initially intended to spend this on something at Lucky Shops, then I realized I wanted to buy more than half a pair of shoes. Designer clothing at 50% off is good in theory. But when the reality is a $595 See By Chloe sequined bolero jacket “on sale” for $295, I say EFF THAT.
My Amex buckaroos were zipped into this Rafe clutch (another advertiser included in the segment shot for Style Network…too many cooks?). Apparently, said clutch was an additional ‘thank you’ for having done the shoot. No, that’s not necessary, Really, we insist! I probs should have been grateful; alas, something’s being free doesn’t make it any less fugly.

Rafe clutches - pronounced Rah-fay, not Raayfe, (do I smell pretension?) - usually retail from $120 to $550. This shiny, metallic, grommeted disaster was “on sale” at Lucky Shops for $175. The pricetag isn’t what offends me most - it’s that it looks totally budget, and it’s soooo not. We’re shopping cheap to look loaded here people, not the other way around!

As trashtastic as the clutch is, that it’s big enough to accommodate evening essentials like the Mace my Dad makes me carry around makes it worth salvaging. I’m either going to find a way to strip the grommets from the material, and/or go to town on it with sequins and feathers and hot glue. Eek, project!

Love With Hate Icing

New York Mag, Masters of the Obvs

Last week’s New York Magazine decided to tell us what we already know (at least, where fashion’s concerned) via their Live Cheap Without Giving Up Much feature. In a sleek, over-edited column entitled “Embrace Low Fashion,” NY Mag graciously points us toward Forever 21’s $36 frocks in lieu of Zara’s $89 dresses, and recommends $115 Guess Marciano stilettos as replacements for those $610 Etro heels you used to be able to afford (what?!).

Firstly, Zara blows. Nextly, while $115 is enough to snag you a quality pair of party pumps, it’s not an insignificant sum of moolah. Spending over a Benjamin on any one item requires some thought, especially now that we’re all fiscally effed and stuff.

But thanks anyway for the hot tips, dudes. We’re thrilled you could fill that white space by telling us shit we already know.

Love With Hate Icing

We The Free; WTF?

One would think Free People’s line “born out of love for vintage athletic wear, workwear and military outfitting” (how poetic) might not be as overpriced as Free People itself. One would be wrong. Alas, We The Free ’s biggest offense isn’t its price tags; it’s that it overcharges for things I actually want to buy.

It was the bags that got me first - massive, canvas-and-plastic carryalls as cute as they were practical. Or so I thought, until I was told they were $198 each. Oh, a lot of work went into them; Oh, they’re sooo original; Oh, I don’t give a shit. They’re not leather. If eco-chic implies conserving resources, an eco-friendly bag should conserve dollars, no? Anything that wastes my money isn’t good for my environment - canvas, cow or otherwise.

Now, WTF’s Brooklyn store doesn’t have racks of clothing. Every item is artfully arranged on the vast brick walls; you tell the salesgirl your size, she retrieves it for you to try on. A cool concept… until one wants to know how much something costs. The display stuff is conveniently unreachable and/or untagged. This allows the salesgirls to bullshit you with the numbers.

Me: So, what’s your average price point?
WTF: Um…probably around $100.
Me: How much is this dress?
WTF: Isn’t it sooooo cute?!
Me: Yes. How much?
WTF: Oh, I don’t know…I think it’s $120 but I’d have to double check.

Lies. WTF’s average price point might technically be $100, what with their $80 t-shirts and such. But anything of interest - like the Corset Dress was closer to $200. For shame!

Okay, so the $150 sweatshirts and $168 suspenders (I shit you not) are all kinds of bull. It’d be a lot easier to ignore this line altogether if the intricately detailed dresses and bags didn’t totally rock. But they do and I want them and I can’t have them and this irritates me. So much so that I need a pick-me-up, which clearly means I’m off to Forever 21. Byeee!

Love With Hate Icing

Me Say eBay

Wanna know why I’m really against online shopping? Because I don’t have a doorman. If I’m not home, I do not receive my package. Instead, I receive yellow slips that inform me of UPS’s 1st, 2nd and 3rd attempts to drop off said package.

When a reader mentioned she scored a Theory blazer for ten bucks on eBay, I started perusing the site to find things that would make waiting for the UPS guy worth my while. Here’s what I’m “watching” so far:

GRINTA Vintage Leather Doctor’s Bag, bidding starts at $24.99; Vintage 70s Leather Leaf Clutch, Buy-It-Now Only, $24.95.

Miu Miu Patent Pumps, bidding starts at $21.50; Cole Haan Boots, bidding starts at $49.99.

Love With Hate Icing

Saunders Least Sucky of GO International Designers

You know by now how much I love to hate on high-end designers who slap their names on mediocre Target collections for a quick buck. So when I hear about X designer for Go International, I assume X’s Target collection to be as heinous as the pricetags on X’s regular line (which no one is paying for, which is why X is pretending to design for Target in the first place). Only in rare cases is this unfair to X. Okay, enough algebra. Let’s talk about Jonathan Saunders.

Jonathan Saunders is all about the crazy. It’s ruffled, it’s neon, it’s shiny. It’s impractical, it’s unforgettable and it’s totally in-your-face. I don’t love it, but I respect it. I also really like it in its toned-down form a la Target.

Unlike other GO International designers, it looks as though Saunders actually designed his collection. Even more unbelievable is that said designs appear to be reasonably cute. I’ll be hitting my local Tar-jay later this afternoon to confirm. And I’ll probs be buying the Blue Whale Colorblock Dress.

Love With Hate Icing

Intermix: It’s the S-H-I-T!

I can’t post pics of my purchases from Intermix’s sample sale because they’re too wrinkled for their close-ups at the moment: Rest assured, they will be integrated with other items and photographed in outfit form for your viewing pleasure shortly. I can, however, gush about the unexpected awesomeness of said sale. For serious - I’ve never been more impressed by a discount shopping operation in my LIFE.

If sample sales busted out the fisticuffs, Intermix would kick Barney’s ass all over town. Firstly, the massive amount of apparel was organized according to item, size and even material. Jeans and pants were on separate racks; blouses and tees occupied different spaces; long jersey dresses were opposite short, chiffon party frocks. Nextly, the amount of smiling staffers not only kept things in their right place, but also managed to create a calm atmosphere despite the potentially volatile shoppers. Lastly, the music rocked. I don’t know if someone was dee-jaying or what, but the tunes put some extra bounce into everyone’s Havaianas, fo sho. The dressing room (pictured) was obvs a disaster area, but the fact that there even was one was more than enough.

While there was the usual don’t-touch-that-it’s-mine-ness from fellow shoppers, there were also some genuinely nice girls in attendance: One held a kickass, striped blazer as I browsed a rack nearby and had a puzzled look on her face. “That’s fabulous,” I offered. “Thanks! I’m torn between the navy and the red one, what do you think?” I suggested that, unless she was obsessed with red, navy was probably more versatile, she thanked me for my help and we parted ways amicably.

Intermix’s sample sale prices were remarkably reasonable too, but that’s another story for another post. Let’s just say my eyes almost popped out of my head when I realized how little I’d spent.

Love With Hate Icing

Is Green Always Good?

Soooo, last night’s Project Runway hailed eco-friendly fashion, and some of the green material-inspired looks were pretty effing awesome. But I’m still not buying the notion that green translates to good, and here’s why. Opting for eco-friendly material (jersey cotton, organic satin and silk, etc.) is a nice way of doing your part to screw up the earth less. But buying green apparel from certain companies sometimes funds more than eco-conscious fashion. Sweatshops, for example.

Banana Republic and Macy’s - two recent additions to the green fashion bandwagon - had their wares manufactured by a factory that paid its employees $3.79 an hour for 66-hour, six-day workweeks until recently, when the Labor Department busted the facility for employee abuse. And it’s right here in Queens.

I honestly don’t know if any of Banana’s or Macy’s latest green apparel came from this Queens sweatshop, and I’m not saying eco-friendly fashion isn’t a good thing. But it’s not an exclusively good thing by virtue of its green-ness. Eco-friendly doesn’t mean people-friendly, and the earth’s effed up enough already. Maybe we should focus a little more on helping the people who make the clothes, instead of obsessing over the material they use to do their jobs.

Love With Hate Icing

Surprise! BITTEN Actually Doesn’t Bite

I’ll fess up: Before I even hit Steve & Barry’s to check out BITTEN, I’d already deemed the line as cheap-looking as its cost, and was eagerly anticipating an affirmation of my snap judgment.

Maybe it was the “Fashion is not a luxury, it’s a right” propaganda plastered above the racks; maybe I’d never actually seen women of all ages, ethnicities and sizes fighting over the same clothing; maybe it was that every item was, in fact, priced at $8.98. But I got this warm and fuzzy feeling that promoting inclusion in an industry that’s been too exclusive for too long via inexpensive, stylish clothes can’t possibly be a bad thing.

While BITTEN has its fair share of ho-hum basics, there are enough trendy pieces (high-waisted shorts, floral shirtdresses) to make it palatable for the fashion-conscious. Pair the white tee with a good bra and unbutton the top few buttons; it’s totally hot. And the birdie graphic seriously ups the cute factor of an otherwise-basic gray tank. Continue reading →

Love With Hate Icing

Use Your Adjectives, Get Lucky at Barney’s

Most of us ignore Lucky mag’s many contests for two reasons: 1. The time and energy it takes to enter is better spent shopping, and 2. Needing free stuff makes us feel poor. Boo hiss. I used to be more impressed by Lucky’s prizes than by what was required in order to win them. But this month, Lucky has offered a challenge that my inner adjective-obsessed freak just can’t pass up. It’s the Walk-In-Our-Shoes Caption Writing Contest; I’ve already spent most of my morning on Thesaurus.com for research purposes. Continue reading →

Love With Hate Icing

The Top Five Looks that get you Kissed and not Roofied on New Years Eve

OMG, New Years! Aren’t you, like, soo excited?! I mean, there’s an entire website devoted to the Eve, where you can conveniently purchase overpriced tickets to booze at underwhelming bars - yaay!
Barf. New Years Eve is perhaps the most asinine holiday ever, second only to Valentine’s Day in forcing people to settle for ugly, mediocre hook ups. Of course, you’ll be out with the masses anyway; a good Cheap JAP never forgoes an opportunity to dress up. When the clock strikes midnight, I’ll be stuck in waitress garb serving the dessert course (and hopefully $42 glasses of ‘96 Veuve), so you bitches better look uber awesome for my sake.
New Years obvs promotes slutting it out, wardrobe-wise and otherwise. If that’s your bag, go for it; I’m not going to judge (you whore!). But if you’re not into roofies or herpes, and just want to dress cool, read on for five looks that’ll start your year off with a bang…stylistically speaking.

1. The Glitterbug
If you’re headed to some sweet ass club for some jumpin’ jumpin’, lose the jeans and go minidress. Note that when I say minidress, I do not mean something that requires Bridget Jones’s girdle and/or duct taping your boobs. Minidresses are for showing off legs, yes. This doesn’t give you the excuse to go short and strapless, hooch. I’d rock this little white number (Madonna for H&M, originally $50, snagged on sale for $35) with dark, textured tights and ankle boots.

2. The Dining Belle
If your New Year’s involves a prix fixe menu, (kudos to you for planning ahead, btw) take it up a notch for the holiday. Fitted, high-waisted trousers and tight pencil skirts don’t just scream class; they serve as a deterrent from stuffing your face throughout the evening. You don’t want to ring in ‘08 feeling bloated now do you?

3. The I-Don’t-Give-A-Shit
There’s an outfit for apathy too, and at its as easy as a wifebeater and your fave jeans. For crappy dive bars or lame parties, the wifebeater is where it’s at. Go sexy by wearing only a pretty, colored bra underneath (add pumps and big earrings - I’m partial to hoops, then again, I’m from Jersey) and letting the slightly transparent beater work its magic. If you really don’t give a shit (respect), go badass by layering a camisole underneath your beater and adding boots or Converse and one or two accessories (leather cuff, scarf, whatevs). Continue reading →

Love With Hate Icing

Green & Annoying, Err, Gorgeous

This bag was part of my JAPnukah loot, courtesy of Mommy. It’s not my favorite thing she scored at Scoop; even at the fair price of $28, it’s a little too message-y for my taste. But I use it going to and from work when I have to cart around my tragically boring uniform of a white button-down shirt and black pants.

A friend saw me with the bag and quipped, “Is that supposed to be ironic?” Fine, I own a lot of leather. Fine, I had a shearling coat by the age of 13. Would I rather be carrying a massive designer leather tote? Obviously. Do I have the means to procure one at this moment? No, but I’m working on it.

Why is this silly little hemp bag more socially acceptable than designer fakes or low-budget leather? Because it’s not trying to look expensive. It knows it’s cheap. It likes that it’s cheap. It’s cheapness is a big Eff Off to overpriced bags everywhere. And thankfully, it’s not nearly as prevalent as that I’m Not A Plastic Bag everyone and their mom was wearing six months ago. Yet.

Love With Hate Icing

Anthropricegougemie, You’ve Been Had

I’ve built up a tolerance to browsing sans buying shit I can’t afford, but no store tests my resolve like Anthropricegougemie. Some of their stuff’s a tad whimsical for my taste - if a fashion-conscious nymph or fairy wandered out of the forest and into New York, she’d be dressed head to toe in this store’s garb - but most of their items are so beautiful and interesting, they actually seem worth the cost. They’re not.

This adorable ruffled top was originally priced at $78. I saw it a few months ago and didn’t look at it twice. I saw it a few weeks ago on sale for $39.95 and still didn’t bite - I can’t rationalize purchasing a thin, flimsy top in December unless the price is really right. I went back a few days ago: $19.95.

Continue reading →

Love With Hate Icing

Give Thanks for Leggings

So it’s Thanksgiving, which means we’ll all gain approximately five lbs by the end of today. You can’t enjoy eating in the style of American excess if you wear something that needs to be loosened or unbuttoned post-stuffing-your-face. Leggings are the obvious choice, but not just any leggings. Head to Urban Outfitters and buy a pair of Sparkle and Fades.

I have a love/hate relationship with Urban Outfitters - my friend Faith would call it love with hate icing. My beef with Urban is that it puts its ugliest, most boring shit on sale and uses massive signs (Long-sleeve Thermal Tees - $12.99!!!) to pretend to be a bargain shopping experience. The cost of the cute, cool clothes rarely drops below $65, and this offends me.

Continue reading →