12:00 PM • Aug 7th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Everyone’s got a hard-on for Richard Chai for Target GO International. Sans moi, obvs. I’m not so naive that I expect the designers who slap their names onto Target GO International tags to actually design the collection - they’ve got more important things to worry about, like figuring out how to stuff their size 2 models into size 0 samples before Fashion Week. But if the final, budget-friendly product barely resembles its Ready-to-Wear inspiration, I expect them to notice. Something slipped through the cracks with Richard Chai’s latest Target endeavor; something called style. What we have now is a sloppy, confusing, potato sack-esque mess.
Look, I’m don’t expect to find anything as gorge as that beauteous purple number at Tar-jay. But I also don’t see how that fugly, floral disaster at right (a.k.a. the Tuxedo Dress & Striped Tank Look) has anything to do with Chai’s clean and modern aesthetic.
Continue reading →
5:14 PM • Jul 28th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
In the world of used clothing, there’s thrift, there’s designer-discount, and there’s vintage bullshit. Because I interpret the term “cheap” to mean low-cost and not sleazy, I recently visited Cheap Jack’s Vintage Clothing and should have bolted after perusing a rack of $30 t-shirts. If the tees had been outstanding in some capacity, I might have been open to the idea of spending thirty bucks on something someone had already pit-stained. But these were standard, pilling, beat-up thrift store tees - worth eight bucks, max. I wondered, was the rest of the stuff priced in the same deluded fashion?
Vintage clothing enthusiasts probs applaud Cheap Jack’s for organizing their wares according to decade, and that’s all well and good. The problemo with real vintage isn’t just that it gives its distributors the excuse to charge more based on an article of clothing’s age and history - oooh this mod minidress was actually worn by a Studio 54 regular in 1979, oooh I don’t give a shit - it’s that fit and fabric have come a long way since the 1950s. So more often than not, you’re paying $150 for something that feels like fucking sandpaper.
Now, Cheap Jack’s had a bunch o’ signs up banning photographing the clothes, probs because they want to keep the fugliness of their overpriced vintage bullshit under wraps, otherwise I’d furnish you with evidence of the offending wares. Thankfully, their online store exemplifies the serious disparity in style and cost. This shapeless, vomit - oops, I mean mustard - colored houndstooth combo can be had for the bargain price of…$175. I suppose the fur trim necessitates the cost, as Cheap Jack’s claims it’s mink. To me, it looks like someone hacked up a squirrel and stuck it on a scarf. Next please.
Continue reading →
12:58 PM • Jul 18th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
I saw something shocking whilst flipping through the latest Lucky. Pictured in the “Lucky Girl” feature - you know, that page where they show a selection of a 22-year-old PR associate’s wardrobe (you ain’t buying $350 tops on that salary, girlfriend, I don’t care what Lucky says) - was a $190 handbag. As I deem handbags a worthy splurge, my problem wasn’t with the price. It was with the brand. This tote wasn’t Hype, Tano, Fracesco Biasia, or any other legit bag brands that retail for around $200. It was from The GAP.
What the FUCK is GAP doing selling $200 handbags?! If I’m going to blow a few hundred on a bag, you best believe it won’t be as mass-produced and totally vanilla as the shit they sell at GAP. Continue reading →
12:38 PM • Jul 9th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
I took the advice of a few commenters yesterday and made a pilgrimage to Filene’s Basement. That crack you Filene’s fans are smoking is totally laced with hallucinogenics, because it’s duped you into thinking that this dire, sloppy selection of discount designer wares is worth your time. There are many reasons why it’s not; for good measure, let’s break down the top three.
Why Filene’s Stinks Like Poo - A Study
1. Big Names, Little Selection
Filene’s has some decent brands, sure. I was initially wooed by the Tahari, C&C California, Free People and True Religion signs gracing the tops of the racks. But upon further inspection, these brands proved a total cocktease. Almost every article of clothing attached to said brands was either boring, bizarre, played out and/or fugly. Not cool.
2. A Not-Hot Mess
An overwhelming amount of clothes at reduced-reduced-reduced prices is hot. A sale rack with no size or brand consistency is not. If the clothes were half-decent to begin with, I might have found the strength to wade through the overstuffed sale section. But sifting through a shit ton of Jones New York and Anne Klein blazers to find one lame BCBG black top isn’t really my bag, baby.
Continue reading →
1:20 PM • Jul 7th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Ahh, Vogue. Aliases: Conniving Queen of Chic, Evil Stepmother of Style, Embodiment of All Things We Can’t Afford. I recently received the July issue and something on the cover caught my eye. Something incongruous to the mag’s content and concept. Something implying that even Vogue was susceptible to a fashion reality check. Something that read, “Cheap Chic: Strategies for Shopping the Trends on a Budget.”
It’s a post-holiday weekend Monday; you office folk could probs use a good chuckle. Well, you’re in luck. Because Vogue’s idea of budget shopping is the biggest fucking joke I have ever heard.
The mag’s first eff-up is letting its editrixes define what constitutes “being chic without breaking the bank.” Based on their suggestions, these floozies are either buffeted by family moolah, married to rich dudes and/or heinously overpaid. Their bank ain’t the same as our bank. Are most of the items featured under $500? Yes. Is spending around $500 on one item ever an economically sound decision? No. Eff no.
Continue reading →
1:24 PM • Jun 26th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Now, I was under the impression that designers collaborated with budget chain stores like Target, Kohl’s, etc. in order to market and sell affordable versions of their high-end (i.e. overpriced) lines. 
So I was understandably puzzled when Urban Outfitters - a chain that pretends to be a whole lot cheaper than it is - took Paul & Joe Sister’s “middle ground” line, Rendez-Vous under its faux vintage wings.
See, Paul & Joe charges around $500 for one shirt. Oh it’s handmade, oh it’s silk, oh I don’t give a shit. It’s a shirt, for fuck’s sake. Not a handbag. Their overpriced absurdity of a brand must not have been selling well, because Paul & Joe went ahead and made Paul & Joe Sister (great name, guys); a line whose dresses fall in the “reasonably-priced” range of $250-$400.
One would think they’d consider a noticeable price reduction for the line currently being sold at Urban, Rendez-Vous by Paul & Joe Sister (just keep tacking words on dudes, it’s working). One would see this $188 Kenya Safari Jumper and be wrong. Continue reading →
2:31 PM • Jun 11th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Anyone eagerly anticipating the July 20 release of the Botkier for Target handbag line needs to take a good, hard look at these photos. Witness Exhibit A:
It’s not just painfully obvious that the sparkling, buttery, buckled beauty at left is the real thing; it’s fucking insulting that the gold, stiff, pleather disaster at right is being pawned off as a desirable alternative to its overpriced inspiration. Witness Exhibit B:
If the JPEG placement switcheroo was enough to trick you, you’re clearly one of the sheep who’ll actually buy this crapola and I pity you. Even if the Target-ized version at left is real leather, it’s of the immobile, low-cost ilk. It’s not just the intricate stitching that outs the bag on the right as the real thing; it’s the scrunching of soft, mobile leather around the buckle strap. Versions of its pathetic copy lurk on the corners of Broadway and every other street in Soho and - if you don’t mind looking not-even-close-to-loaded - can be had for twenty bucks.
Last night marked the end of an era for me and my own (real) Botkier bag. Continue reading →
12:21 PM • May 14th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Let’s start with a few disclaimers: 1. I heart most of American Apparel’s stuff and 2. Not my ass pictured at left. I don’t have a problem with the company’s penchant for provocative photography. I have a problem with the notion that it’s okay to wear the following items in public.
This Nylon Tricot Figure Skater Dress might adequately cover one’s naughty bits, but seriously, come on. The easy-access skirt totally fetishizes jailbait-age ballerinas, and that’s just creepy. Alas, if you’ve got some Ice Capades-related sex fantasy you’re looking to enact, look no further.
This mini-skirt is technically a skort.
Unfortunately, the fact that there are shorts underneath this coochie-grazing number doesn’t make it any less slutty. You’re better off parading around the street in your underwear - at least then you’d be making a statement.
There are few occasions when black and gold glitter don’t scream workin’ girl; this Spandex Nightlife Dress is no exception. 
For a White Trash theme party, it’s money. Because this is one of American Apparel’s few items that looks as cheap as it is. Well, this and the Shiny Hot Short pictured above, which is technically part of a bikini. Even I wouldn’t wear these to the beach, and I’m from South Jersey.
Finally, we have the Nylon Micro-Mesh Bodysuit. I’m not sure, but I think the see-through-top-over-black-bra-look went out in 1982 and never came back. 
(Her nipples are airbrushed out of the pic, btw. I know this because I tried the bodysuit on a few weeks ago). If you want to seduce your dude - look at me in my see-through bodysuit, yay! - then this is an interesting choice. Wearing this bodysuit for any other reason is prohibited. Capeesh?
12:43 PM • May 7th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Soooo, Barney’s is teaming with Target because the economy sucks, err, I mean, because they want Middle America to have access to high fashion. Barney’s’ medium for this beautiful union is designer Rogan Gregory. I would care about this if I knew who Rogan Gregory was. Based on the looks of his collection, he constructs boring shit in varying gray, black and white tones (my bad, Minimalist Chic) that sells for upwards of $500. Thanks to Target, he and Barney’s have come down to earth to sell us stuff for $45 or less. Lucky us!
3:35 PM • Feb 26th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Soooo, the heinously uppity and nauseatingly expensive Barney’s New York is currently having their Warehouse Sale. My beef with Barney’s isn’t their prices, per say. It’s that - every time I browse the store - I toy with the idea of opening a credit card and going into thousands of dollars of debt just so I can revel in the awesomeness that is the Co-Op floor. One would think I’d be all over the Warehouse Sale. And one would be wrong. Continue reading →
12:15 PM • Jan 31st, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
I can’t understand is why Uggs are perceived as stereotypically JAPpy footwear. It’s fucking insulting. I try my best to live by the phrase, “Fashion, not function.” Ugglies exemplify the converse of said phrase. It might be winter in New York City, but it’s an unseasonably warm one; we’re not dealing with temperatures that necessitate Australian Sheepskin. So why, WHY, do I continually see otherwise-cute outfits marred by these shapeless, hideous, cliched boots? Because people still think they’re cool. Here’s why they’re not. Continue reading →
1:43 PM • Jan 15th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
The latest issue of Lucky boasts the Stylish and Sexy Guide - “perfect, subtly seductive looks inspired by four of the chicest cities in the world.” Let’s see how New York is described hmm, shall we?
“This style is crisp and clean, with an alluringly uncomplicated sensuality.”
Ahem, exsqueeze me? Baking powder? I can’t think of less accurate adjectives for NYC style than “crisp,” “clean,” and “uncomplicated.” One of the best things about New York is that you can wear whatever the fuck you want and someone, somewhere, will probably think it rocks. Ours is a city that gives you the freedom to occasionally look like an ass for the sake of fashion. If we were crisp, clean and uncomplicated, we’d be Boston. Continue reading →
12:46 PM • Dec 25th, 2007
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
To some, serving at a swanky, upscale steak place means selling $60 hunks of cow and $300 bottles of Cab. To me, it means finding the inner strength, shift after shift, to don my uniform, i.e. a white button-down shirt and black pants, i.e. the worst outfit ever. Fine, white button-down shirts (I’m sick of typing that phrase already, let’s just call them WBDs) are practical, particularly if they’re cut as well as the one I snagged at the Banana Republic Factory Store for $35.
Fine, BCBG black pants are standard JAP garb and mine only cost me $50 (thank you, Atlantic City outlets). But too many black pants and WBDs render one’s wardrobe a battered, desert wasteland void of creative capital. The only thing that depresses me more than owning four pairs of black pants and six WBDs is that I actually have to wear this shit. And there is nothing worse for a JAP - cheap or otherwise - than being forced to wear the same effing outfit every goddamn day. I mean, it’s not waterboarding, but I’m totally drowning in wardrobe monotony here.
10:32 AM • Dec 11th, 2007
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
I didn’t ask for anything this Hannukah season.
Not because I didn’t want anything, but because - for the first time, um, ever - I felt a slight twinge of Jewish guilt at my parents paying half my rent.
Dad: Mom wants to know what you want for Hannukah.
Me: I honestly don’t want anything Dad. Really.
Dad: That’s very sweet, but she’s going to buy you stuff anyway, just some little things.
My dad continually chooses to forget that “little things” mean he’s out at least $600. 
I insisted on wanting nothing, both parents ignored me, and Mom showed up in the city with “little things” in tow. Among the little things: BCBG puffer coat, hot BCBG top, C&C turtleneck, Scoop textured tights and Tory Burch pony hair flats. JAPpot!
My holiday cheer was marginally corrupted by the fact that my mother had left the pricetags on most of the gifts. This haul of “little things” was way out of the usual range; that goddamn Jewish guilt was creeping up on me again.
Me: Mom, this is way too much.
Mom: Sweetie! Everything was half off!
Okay, so Mom’s idea of a deal is a $500 coat reduced to $200; she’s not a Cheap JAP just yet. But - when she told me everything was half off - she had that same triumphant look on her face that I get after a
trip to Forever or Beacon’s. Maybe we’re all bargain hunters at heart.
12:22 PM • Dec 5th, 2007
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Happy Chanukah, Hannukah, Hanukah or however the eff you spell it.
May large leather handbags, high quality denim and serious designer shoes find you via Mommy’s charity and Daddy’s Amex this Chanukah season. God knows you can’t afford any of that stuff otherwise (pun intended!).
