Fast fashion merch is made quickly and cheaply, and pitched to we-the-consumers as a means to a material fix that won’t break our respective banks.
This is, of course, horseshit. If fast fashion were about consumer convenience and accessibility, H&M’s How-To Guide for shopping the store tomorrow – Jimmy Choo Day, duh – wouldn’t read like communist propaganda.
The first 160 people in line will receive a bracelet; on the bracelet you will be given a specific time for shopping in our designated area… When your time has come, we will let you into the designated area to shop… Every customer can buy the whole collection but with a limitation of buying maximum one per product, i.e. not more than one size (shoes/garments) or piece (accessories) per product per customer… Your place in line does not guarantee any items from the Jimmy Choo for H&M collection.
A bracelet. What am I, chattel? Then I have to wait until my “time has come”? This has all the melodramatic makings of a Greek tragedy.
This is madness!
THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!
(Except without the gorgeous, badass warrior dudes. So not nearly as fun.)
The addition of Jimmy Choo has H&M thinking it’s McDonald’s in Moscow circa 1990 or something: The well-timed bombardment of ad campaigns, celebrity endorsements and blogosphere buzz makes lines around the block on launch day seem inevitable.
They also make us forget to look at the merch and its price points. Common sense is bad for business.
Numbers aren’t as pretty as skinny models in edgy clubgarb, but they’re a little more relevant to your checking account balance and your life. On that note, let’s move to an excerpt from the official price list on the Jimmy Choo for H&M press site.
The left and right columns denote cost of items in pounds and euros, respectively; the middle numbers are the U.S. dollar amounts. Pardon the small text, but the cryptic Media are never allowed to manipulate, alter or edit H&Mâ€™s images in any way warning coupled with the unsettling Legal proceedings will be commenced without further notice in the event of any infringement… apparently means I’ll be sued if I re-size the frame (and/or use Picnik’s “Create” function to slap a phrase like Don’t Buy This Shit on it, which is what I really wanted to do. But I digress.)
I’m in the midst of going through the entire itemized list to determine which wares fall into the what-I-deem-reasonable-for-H&M range of $24.95 – $49.95; which are, at $50 – $99, only a moderately offensive rip off; which cost $100 – $199 and make you forget where you’re shopping and why you’re shopping there; and which cost $200 – $299 and are, as such, a crime against shoppers/humanity/et. al.
Remember people: If it’s an H&M Collabs, H&M manufactures the line, and it’s H&M quality.
The quality of H&M merch isn’t necessarily bad. But it sure as shit ain’t Jimmy Choo.
Stay tuned for the nauseating results of my tallying. Also, an exploration of why girls who grow up rich and marry socialites can’t comprehend accessible fashion for the masses.