A Slap on the Wrist to Vogue

As I was yawning my way through Vogue’s VIEW section last night, the following words jarred me awake: “Big Deals” and “Chain-store.” Hang on a sec. Now Vogue, you’re intimidatingly cutting-edge, so some of your predicted Next Big Things are a smidge beyond my amateur grasp of the avant-garde. But if I understand you correctly, you’re saying that big deals can be found at chain-stores.

WHAT? When did that start happening?! I also read something about it being totally okay to shop for clothing at Target and Wal-mart because the stuff’s actually cute. REALLY???!!! No effing way! Ye gods of Fashion hath predicted yet another shopping trend and deigned to share their wisdom with us peons. Way to be on top of your game this month, Vogue. Kudos.

Okay, for serious. When you’re the kind of publication that has the gall to continually endorse outrageously expensive merchandise in a RECESSION, you forgo your right to jump on the cheap-is-cool bandwagon. Yours is a mag that deifies designers so much so that a $1,255 Burberry Trench, a $350 pair of Oliver Peoples aviators and a $3000 Ralph Lauren Ricky Bag top your list of Classics. The only thing timeless about any of that crap is that it’s eternally overpriced.
I don’t doubt your industry-related authority, but when it comes to reasonably priced stuff, you are – perhaps for the first time ever – out of your element. I know this because your Target picks included this fugly Sigerson Morrison flat.

Newsflash, beotches: Brand doth not equal beauty. Sigerson Morrison = Pricey, but good. Sigerson Morrison for Target = A trashy version of its expensive counterpart and henceforth very, very bad. Unfortunately for you, your label-whoring asses can’t differentiate between the decent and the heinous without a brand to stand on.

Employ some real gals who shop at Wal-mart and Target because they have to, not because it’s, like, sooo fun to slum it sometimes, and start playing catch up. Or hit the road, ’cause you don’t know JACK.