FabSugar, Use Your Head

Firstly, let’s discuss what constitutes a headpiece. In its unbastardized form, it’s a piece of material one wraps around one’s head. Headpieces might seem purposeless, but when I was at boarding school and sidled with the task of getting my two best friends to class on time, this accessory saved all of our respective asses. My friends had a penchant for bandannas folded into thin strips that could, even in motion, be easily wrapped and tied about the head. Headpieces thus enabled them to continually sleep through their alarms without the consequence of bedhead.

The $38 version pictured obvs couldn’t handle a bad hair day, but the worst thing about this product isn’t that it brings new meaning to the term “excess”: It’s that FabSugar had the gall to feature it as a Look For Less.

This Gold Saturn Wild Child Floral Headpiece ($38) is inexpensive enough that even if you only wear it once, it’ll be worth it.

There’s something very, very wrong with this sentence. The only time ANYTHING is inexpensive enough to be inconsequential is when it’s FREE.

I don’t know if the blog’s editrixes received complimentary headpieces as bait, or if they merely copy-pasted from Daily Candy. Regardless, their endorsing this product as a $38 throw-away illustrates why Fashion, the Industry, cannot be trusted. See, free samples are a form of brainwashing. It’s impractical, ridiculous items like Gold Saturn’s headpiece that enable Fashion peeps to avert the one question I ask myself when I’m offered free shit: “Would I ever actually buy this?” The answer’s usually no. In the case of this headpiece, it’s nofuckingway.

If you’re a hair accessory person, maybe you’d be into this headpiece enough to buy it as a little splurgy poo for yourself. I don’t have a problem with that, because you’d likely wear it more than once. What I have a problem with is the notion that wearing something ONLY once justifies its cost. So to FabSugar, Daily Candy et. al., I’d like to say: The next time a product like this shows up on your radar, use your head. That’s that lump that’s three feet above your ass.

Thanks to reader Laura for the tip