Why Heart Ronson? I’m Confused.

Let’s talk about the power of buzz, specifically its ability to amp up subpar designer collabs as all kinds of awesome. Charlotte Ronson might very well be a cool chick, but a designer’s ability to surround herself with stylish celebutards doesn’t necessarily mean she knows jack about making clothes. To be fair, Ronson’s high-end stuff‘s pretty decent; I dig her take on florals and plaids, and she’s got the belted dress thing nailed.

Alas, her first foray into fast fashion, I Heart Ronson, is a far cry from her pricier designs. That’s me being nice.

My honest opinion? It is, hands down, the most pitiful attempt at a “collection” I have EVER seen.

I recently witnessed the horror that is I Heart Ronson up close at JCPenny. The extensive amount of ass-kissing reviews of the line meant I expected to find something worthy of a trip to the dressing room. After a brief browse, I had to double check the tags to make sure I was in the right section of the store. It was a veritable shitshow of boring florals, shapeless plaids, GAP-esque denim, and wannabe badass rocker garb reminiscent of Hot Topic circa 1998.

Where was that fusion of hippie and downtown cool so often ascribed to Ronson herself?

Too partied-out to fully step up, that’s where.
The lameness of I Heart Ronson can’t be comprehended from JPEGS alone, but some in-store research illuminated gnarly cotton, rough poly-blends, and scratchy, immobile denim. It was the tactile embodiment of Cheap, and it grossed me out more than even the sketchiest of Salvation Army’s wares.

If you think I’m being too harsh, take a gander on over to JCP, feel this shit with your own two hands, and try arguing with me. I dare you.

In comparison with I Heart Ronson, Forever 21′s florals and plaids are cuter, cut to flatter and more on-trend. And F21 doesn’t have the audacity to charge $50 for a marginally attractive prairie dress, so there’s another plus. (Oops, sorry, I Heart Ronson dresses now go for around $30. Apparently they weren’t selling at their original price. Bigfuckingsurprise.)

I’m not bitter about the existence of I Heart Ronson; fugly budget wares alone don’t get me this riled up. I’m pissed because everyone seems to have drunk the Ronson-ade and ascribed the characteristics of Charlotte herself to her piss-poor line without actually LOOKING AT THE CLOTHES, which are ugly as sin.

An uber-hip pedigree does not a designer make.