Killer Boots, Courtesy Burlington Coat Factory

Two days ago, I embarked on the arduous task of renewing my driver’s license (three months past its expiration date – oops). As my local DMV is located in one of Jersey’s many malls, I did some poking around after I’d fulfilled my objective, hit Burlington Coat Factory, and found these Etienne Aigner knee-high black boots in the clearance section.

At an average cost of $70, Etienne Aigner isn’t offensively priced to begin with, but snagging a pair for $22.99 is still pretty effing awesome. (I also snagged a scarf for $7.99, hence the final total.)

I wear boots all year round, rain or shine, so much so that every pair I’ve poached from Mom is now more busted up than broken in. Wearing these new leather boots without spraying them with some sort of weather-proofing element on a day that called for scattered thunderstorms might be considered a dumbass move. Stupider still, I left my apt in this outfit, sans umbrella.

By the time I exited the subway on the Upper West, the sky was doing some serious wizzing. I was all kinds of effed.

My inner monologue at the time went something like this:
Four blocks from my destination, already running late, and cannot, will not, buy ANOTHER five dollar shitty umbrella. I need to haul some serious ass. I HATE exercise. FUCK.

So I bit the bullet and broke into a full sprint, anticipating blisters resulting from the inaugural wearing of new shoes and water damage resulting from my failure to weatherproof their leather. By the time I got to my appointment, I looked like Finkle/Einhorn after her fight with Ace down at the docks, which is to say, a runny-mascaraed version of Hell. I was a lost cause, but what of my boots?!

Shockingly enough, my feet were still mostly dry. There wasn’t even a hint of a cut or blister – it was like I’d run those four blocks in cross trainers. Not that I’d know. The best part? The pissing sky had zero effect on my boots; post-storm, they looked as new as they were.

I figured a shot of me looking like a drowned rat was the least I could do in their honor.