Owning The Room, and All That Shiznat

Subject: Carriage
Hey, CheapJAP!
I am a tiny bit obsessed with your blog, and love your take on things. I found myself wondering today if you have advice on posture. Have you ever noticed a girl can walk into a room like she’s loaded, even if you can’t exactly pinpoint what it is about her? But then another girl can enter a room clad head-to-toe in designerware, but she carries the outfit like she’s in her pajamas? I’d love your words on owning your look, and the room…

Thanks,
Maybe-All-That-Cotillion-Crap-WASN’T-for-Naught

Re: Subject: Carriage
Dear Maybe-All-That-Cotillion-Crap-WASN’T-for-Naught,
Sounds like we have a Southern Belle on our hands, so allow me to express my envy-tinged admiration: If there’s one thing you Georgia Peaches have all over this JAP in particular, it’s class. I swear like a truck driver (obvs) and am in a constant state of slouch. I’m klutzy to the point of tripping UP stairs, I can’t balance a book on my head or a spoon on my nose, and in the jungle-themed dance recital that marked the culmination of my childhood ballet career, I was cast as the elephant.

The laws of nature would deem me more Ty than Cher, yet I can work a room like nobody’s biznass. And the thing that’s enabled me to do so can’t be bought or taught – nauseatingly cliched as it sounds, it’s something you gotta find in you.

Some call it Confidence. I call it Not Giving A Shit.

This is how you do it.

The Scenario: You’re heading to a college pal’s party where you’re def going to run into frenemies you’ve neither seen nor spoken to since Graduation. Said frenemies’ respective clothing budgets put yours to shame way back when, and still do. What the EFF are you going to wear and how the EFF are you going to feel good wearing it when you’ve gotta air kiss a posse of girls clad in the best of Barney’s?

Before you flip your nut over what you’re going to wear, take a good hard look in the mirror, and ask yourself one question:

Are people who judge me only by my appearance people whose opinions matter?

The answer isn’t just no. It’s Hellllls No. There’s a lot more to you than whether or not you can afford JAPtastic brands at full retail price. Anyone who makes you feel otherwise isn’t worth giving a shit about. I’m not saying wear sweatpants to the party in protest. I’m saying dress up for the right reason: to help you feel good about yourSELF, not to prove anything to anyone else. Fashion is fun, but it’s not all we are.

Full disclosure: When I experienced this very scenario a few months ago, I was so encouraged by the No answer to the above question that I wore a DIY Dress – a garment concocted from a $7 men’s silk shirt, a strip of patterned polyester and fabric glue – into the fire. (I figured if I wasn’t going to give a shit, I might as well REALLY not give a shit.) But when I ran into those frenemies, something shocking happened: They were nice. Not faux, love-the-bag-love-the-shoes nice; real nice. We had a superfun chat in which I discovered they read and enjoyed the blog inspired by our shared heritage and socioeconomic status, and parted ways amicably. And I realized something true of my post-college self was also true of theirs: People grow up. Regardless of whether or not they’d judged me in the past, by assuming they hadn’t changed since Graduation, I’d judged them too. I hope this potential overshare helps you avoid my mistake.

In this case, Not Giving A Shit didn’t just enable me to wear a homemade dress. It helped me understand that what was really important wasn’t what I was wearing; it was who I’d become. So don’t stress about carriage, posture, brand names or former frenemies. Learn to Not Give A Shit and just be You. Before you know it, you’ll be balancing a book on your head.

MWAH!
Cheap JAP