Alright beotches, here it is: The Epically Cheap Elie Tahari Blazer as part of an outfit. Said outfit also includes a classy white button down (Banana Republic Outlet, thank you Jersey) and even classier Shiny Leggings. Riiiiight.
I think the length of the jacket tames the sexiness of the leggings quite nicely. I also think I must have had to pee when I struck that second pose.
Whatevs.
Tagged: American Apparel • Goodwill • Shopping
I saw and became interested in American Apparel’s Shiny Leggings awhile ago. I initially avoided trying them on for two reasons: They looked like they might cut off my circulation and I knew I’d probably buy them anyway. They certainly compromise the blood flow to my legs, and I did buy them anyway. Why? Because these leggings are today’s answer to Sandra Dee’s post-makeover stirrups. Grease really IS the word!
These leggings exemplify the magic of elastaan (or elastane - it wouldn’t be trendy if AA didn’t eff with the spelling), which is basically Spandex on speed. My denim leggings are 5% elastaan; these are 20%. This makes them 15% harder to squeeze into and 15% sexier.
When you’re having a day where everything you try on makes you feel fugly, just muster the strength to pull on these leggings and Poof! Suddenly, everything around you proclaims to you your hotness. That makes the pain more than worth the gain, yes?
Tagged: American Apparel • Leggings • Shopping
What, you thought I only scored one fab jacket on my latest trip to Goodwill?
I paid $13.49 for this little Zara number. No big deal.
Poplin Cross-Front Dress, American Apparel, $36; Polka Dot Tights, Urban Outfitters, $14ish; Pumps, Guess, $60ish last year if memory serves.
Uber-vain bitchface not included 
Tagged: American Apparel • Goodwill • Shopping • Zara
American Apparel’s Unisex Tri-Blend Short Sleeve Deep V-Neck Tee is, objectively speaking, the most versatile, flattering, comfortable tee ever created. It’s what every tee shirt aspires to be. It makes sense that you own one. Problem is, everyone else does too.
When I feel like I’m dressed like everyone else, I get an overwhelmingly icky feeling. But before I got rid of this tee in protest, I poked some holes in the material and threaded a few ribbons through them.
Voila! Same material, same fit, but a different shirt altogether!
I highly recommend doing this not just with ubiquitous American Apparel tees, but with any garment you’re considering chucking. You might be tired of it in its current state, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be transformed into something exciting. Those of you who know how to sew can really have fun with this. Those of you who don’t: Rest assured that any idiot with scissors can get crafty with her clothes. Case-in-point? Me!
Tagged: American Apparel • Hemline Surgery
When Ann Taylor first manufactured this blouse in the early nineties (I’m guestimating), they likely imagined it tucked into pencil skirts or paired with pantsuits. Well I’m sorry, but 100% silk is 100% shapeless and, henceforth, needs more than conservative office attire to take it from geek to chic. It needs something high-waisted, uber-fitted, and a smidge risque. It needs denim leggings. (And maybe boots too :)).
Blouse, Ann Taylor for Goodwill (muhaha), $12.99; Denim Leggings, American Apparel, $42; Boots, 80%20, $100 online (but I obvs got them for less - $50 at LF Stores’ Sale).
Tagged: American Apparel • Goodwill • Shopping
I’m kind of angry with American Apparel. In fact, my irritation has increased in direct proportion to the brand’s median pricetag. Suddenly, instead of fifteen-dollar tees, we have Forty-Five Dollar Shiny Zipper-Front Bodysuits and Sixty-Eight Dollar Bull Denim Slim Slacks. If I wanted to spend over $50 on mediocre jeans, I’d shop at Urban Outfitters, assbags. I’ll concede that some American Apparel items are worth paying for. (The Nylon Tricot High-Waisted Legging is a bodyshaper, leg-slimmer, and tummy-flattener all-in-one; for anything that makes you look a solid seven lbs lighter, $42 is chump change). But a few gems can’t excuse the heinousness they’re hawking as of late. Here’s the worst of the worst.
Metallics - in small doses - are sometimes okay. Blinding, Shiny Windbreakers are not okay. This jacket overwhelms anything one could possibly wear with it - not a problem for AA models as they’re barely clothed to begin with, but def an issue for everyone else. If I was going to a costume party as a glowworm, I still wouldn’t waste $58 on this p.o.s.
I’m pretty sure my Uncle Chip has a pair of sweatpants in this print that he wore for most of 1986. 
I’m not really sure what’s attractive about American Apparel’s Afrika Line, other than that pretending to care about Africa is, like, so hot right now. If these leggings were $10 and ALL the proceeds went to saving Darfur, I might buy them out of guilt. But spending $34 on something this fugly that funds ZERO charities is all kinds of crazy.
Continue reading →
Tagged: American Apparel • Rip Offs • Shopping
In general, high-waisted bottoms should always be paired with a tucked-in top. It’s not a total faux pas to wear them with an untucked shirt, but then you can’t see the high waist, so really, what’s the point of rocking the style at all?
The sartorial snag occurs when you tuck your shirt into your awesome F21 shorts and notice that the shirt has bunched beneath the surface, resulting in wrinkles nearly as offensive as panty lines. Possibly my pants are just too tight…whatevs, you only live once. 
I recently expressed my irritation over this serious matter to an American Apparel salesgirl. She, of course, suggested the very same leotard she was wearing at the time - an easy solution for her cute little A-cups. But for those of us with serious boobage, not so much. Or so I thought…until I re-discovered an item I haven’t worn since my JV soccer days: The sports bra.
The sports bra is THE solution to this two-part fashion conundrum; it enables the well-endowed to don leotards without flopping all over the place or showcasing their lingerie, which in turn completes the leotard + high-waisted bottoms = zero shirt wrinkles equation.
Is the overall look a little bit Flashdance? Was Jennifer Beals the most adorably sexy thang ever to don legwarmers? Yes and yes. I love the 80s, and you should too.
Tagged: American Apparel • Calculated Risks • Torso Garb
I’ve probably gone through sixty or so assorted James Perse, Splendid, Three Dot and Michael Stars shirts throughout the course of my JAPpy existence. Only when I found myself without Daddy’s plastic did I realize the absurdity of the $50 t-shirt. Still, I wasn’t initially sure that the fabulous fit and quality reminiscent of my once-fave brands for basics could be found elsewhere. Enter American Apparel.
Over the past month, I’ve accumulated five bonafide basic shirts from the store - the Baby Rib Basic Short Sleeve Tee in white and the Tri-Blend Short Sleeve Deep V-Neck in grey in addition to the three shirts pictured. The colorful tanks are a refreshing departure from my usual, plain ol’ wifebeaters, and look fab layered under button-down shirts or jumpers. The tees can be tucked into high-waisted shorts and paired with wedges as easily as they can be thrown on with jeans.
Ideally, basics worn continually in different combinations keep your peers from realizing that they’ve seen the same shirt on you three times in a row. What I love about American Apparel’s isn’t just the price (all are less than half of what a JAP typically ponies up for a “perfect white tee”); it’s the quality. It’s not like, “Oh, for eighteen bucks, that’s a great-fitting tee.” It’s like, “How is your tee as cute as mine when I paid $54 for Splendid and you paid $24 for effing American Apparel? So not fair!”
Tagged: American Apparel • Torso Garb
For the record: I’m well aware that these pants are, at first glance, utterly ridiculous. When I saw them in American Apparel I initially balked at the price. Forty-two dollar leggings. Really. REALLY? What could possibly be so special about American Apparel leggings that made them nearly fifty bucks? They had the appearance of denim, but they weren’t technically jeans. 
They had a trendy high waist, but were too tight for a tucked-in shirt. Who in their right mind would wear such a thing?
Me, as it turns out. Obvs.
Under normal circumstances, the mere idea of tucking anything into leggings is as silly as it is slutty. But these aren’t your average leggings; the polyester/nylon/elasthan combo makes legs look thinner than they actually are, yet the material is still thick enough to hide everything from thong lines to cellulite. This is not to imply that denim leggings are easy to pull off. If you’re feeling even remotely self-conscious and/or bloated (I find that the two often go hand in hand, no?) parade around your apartment in them before taking them out on the town.
The first outfit pictured is a tad ho-fo-sho for my taste, but it proves that a thin shirt can be tucked into the DLs without incident (BTdubs, the shirt’s a James Perse, snagged for $11.95 at Beacon’s; the shoes are Manolos, courtesy of The United Bank of Mommy). 
The second outfit uses a loose top (also American Apparel) to balance the tight pants and, as a result, is a bit more classy (though “class” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind where denim leggings are concerned). It also exemplifies why I bought the pants in the first place. Because - as bizarre as they are - they make me feel like a fucking rock star.
So much so that I can’t help but make ugly-rock-star-faces every time I put them on.
Tagged: American Apparel • Beacon's Closet • Calculated Risks • Denim
Let’s start with a few disclaimers: 1. I heart most of American Apparel’s stuff and 2. Not my ass pictured at left. I don’t have a problem with the company’s penchant for provocative photography. I have a problem with the notion that it’s okay to wear the following items in public.
This Nylon Tricot Figure Skater Dress might adequately cover one’s naughty bits, but seriously, come on. The easy-access skirt totally fetishizes jailbait-age ballerinas, and that’s just creepy. Alas, if you’ve got some Ice Capades-related sex fantasy you’re looking to enact, look no further.
This mini-skirt is technically a skort.
Unfortunately, the fact that there are shorts underneath this coochie-grazing number doesn’t make it any less slutty. You’re better off parading around the street in your underwear - at least then you’d be making a statement.
There are few occasions when black and gold glitter don’t scream workin’ girl; this Spandex Nightlife Dress is no exception. 
For a White Trash theme party, it’s money. Because this is one of American Apparel’s few items that looks as cheap as it is. Well, this and the Shiny Hot Short pictured above, which is technically part of a bikini. Even I wouldn’t wear these to the beach, and I’m from South Jersey.
Finally, we have the Nylon Micro-Mesh Bodysuit. I’m not sure, but I think the see-through-top-over-black-bra-look went out in 1982 and never came back. 
(Her nipples are airbrushed out of the pic, btw. I know this because I tried the bodysuit on a few weeks ago). If you want to seduce your dude - look at me in my see-through bodysuit, yay! - then this is an interesting choice. Wearing this bodysuit for any other reason is prohibited. Capeesh?
Tagged: American Apparel • Unslut Yourself
The very idea of dressing to impress someone other than myself is fairly new to me. It’s also effing annoying, because you can’t wear electric blue tights (Foot Traffic, $7 at Beacon’s Closet) if you’re worried about what other people think. So - as an alternative to the T&A method of dressing universally approved by men - I wore this tight/heel combo with a navy American Apparel minidress out on a date. I’m not into metrosexuals, so I don’t expect the guys I date to praise my outfits. But - as committed as I am to fashion - I’m not above wanting to be told I look hot.
Wow. Those tights are really…blue.
Blue. Not hot, not sexy, just…blue. Fine, maybe a second date isn’t the best time to break out the crazy (stylistically and otherwise). As my legs looked rather Smurf-like, I can’t really blame the guy. Continue reading →
Tagged: American Apparel • Nookie • Stereotype Reinforcement
A few months ago, I bought a ridiculously low-cut top from H&M. I stupidly tried it on over a camisole and concluded that, with the right bra, I could pull it off without looking like a total hussie. A few at-home outfit attempts affirmed the error of my purchase. With a regular bra, the top looked grossly suggestive; It was as though I’d either forgotten to - or worse, couldn’t afford to - fully dress myself. I tried it on again with a cami; this diminished the slut-factor significantly, but rendered the top utterly unexciting.
American Apparel answered my style query in the form of this $18 bandeau. While I’m totally with the idea the company puts out there via its naughty, young, scruffy, dewy/greasy models - that being in your twenties means occasionally slutting it out and getting away with it - I’m not one to prance around in a bandeau and call it a strapless top. As an undergarment, however, it’s beyond sexy.
Tagged: American Apparel • Nookie • Unslut Yourself
I really, really like legwarmers. I don’t know why. They’re a pain in the ass to put on, they always look a little silly, and when people glance at my lower half on the street, I can never tell if they’re thinking, “Sweet calf-wear” or “What the eff is she wearing?” I think legwarmers are sweet calf-wear, so I’m going to keep rocking them.
There’s only one way to wear legwarmers, and it requires ankle boots and leggings. American Apparel’s legwarmers are a little looser at the bottom, and thus can be pulled down over the ankle boot, giving the leggings the appearance of a flared cuff. It’s a fashion-forward sweatpant…it’s a sweater-boot…it’s a legwarmer!!!
Tagged: American Apparel • Calculated Risks
So it’s Thanksgiving, which means we’ll all gain approximately five lbs by the end of today. You can’t enjoy eating in the style of American excess if you wear something that needs to be loosened or unbuttoned post-stuffing-your-face. Leggings are the obvious choice, but not just any leggings. Head to Urban Outfitters and buy a pair of Sparkle and Fades.
I have a love/hate relationship with Urban Outfitters - my friend Faith would call it love with hate icing. My beef with Urban is that it puts its ugliest, most boring shit on sale and uses massive signs (Long-sleeve Thermal Tees - $12.99!!!) to pretend to be a bargain shopping experience. The cost of the cute, cool clothes rarely drops below $65, and this offends me.
Tagged: American Apparel • Illusions • Urban Outfitters
