CheapJAP

Economic Shitstorm

How To: Sell Your Old Clothes

Most people donate the clothes they no longer wear. (By “donate,” I do NOT mean take out with the trash. Don’t add to the dumpster heap that is our earth, fools). That’s the obvious, socially and environmentally responsible, post-closet purge choice. Being an inherently selfish person, I prefer to sell my duds to Beacon’s Closet for cash or store credit instead.

Beacon’s isn’t as discerning as your standard Consignment shop, but they still continually neg some of my thangs. Should you choose to sell (at Beacon’s or elsewhere), use the following guidelines to filter your castoffs:

1. The Gently Worn Factor: No rips, pilling or pitstains.

2. The Brand Factor: For thrift stores, it doesn’t matter if it’s Theory or Forever 21 - if the tag is recognizable, it’s got a better shot of selling. Consignment and/or designer re-sale shops (really, does anyone know the difference?) are considerably snootier. So unless you’ve got a Marc Jacobs blazer you’re sick of (like that’s even humanly possible), I’m not making any promises.

3. The Seasonal Factor: Do you buy linen in winter? Neither do the stores you’re selling to. Just omit the obvious stuff - no flannel button downs if it’s summer, no sarongs if it’s as effing freezing out as it is today.

I obvs filter effectively to maximize what Beacon’s takes off my hands. This time around, they priced my wares at $123.55. In exchange, I got 55% of that number in store credit - $67.95 worth of thriftastic treasures. I could have taken 35% in cash ($43.24), but that would have been stupid. My store credit resulted in…

…an uber-girly, white ruffled top ($14.95); a slightly ridiculous (let’s just say avante garde), light blue, puffy-sleeved blouse; a pair of legwarmers (Foot Traffic, $12), and, drumroll please…

…a STELLAR pair of Olsen Haus pumps. I’d be totally on board with the Vegan shoe thing if green brands like Olsen Haus didn’t retail for around $225. Are you effing kidding me?! It’s not even leather!

Whatevs Olsen, I got your overpriced plastic for $19.95. HA.

My haul came to $62.85 of my store credit. To sum up: I got rid of old clothes AND bought new ones with ZERO dollars of my own money. How d’ya like them apples?!

*See this nationwide Consignment/Thrift Stores Directory so you too can reap the benefits of cleaning your closet.

Nifty Thrifty

A Mad Cool Dress

Everyone’s all obsessed with Mad Men Fashion, understandably so; the clothes are even hotter than the show. Mad Men Fashion - let’s call it Madshion for kicks - even inspired Michael Kors’ latest line. Spend a mere $350 and you get a free DVD of Season 1 - what a deal! Gag me.

Going retro is a breeze, particularly when you live in close proximity to the best thrift store ever. If that’s not the case, Beacon’s Online Store recently got a Botox injection - check out the goods there. I snagged this very Joan-esque sweater dress for a whopping $18.95. If only wearing it made me as badass as she!

I Love A Good Story

Dressed Up to Get Lucky - Outfit #1

Mmkay, here’s one of my possible entries for Lucky Mag’s My Denim Transformation Contest. I’ve dressed up my fabulously cheap Forever 21 jeans ($24.99) not only to keep my outfit Cheap JAPtastic, but also because these totally budget thangs continually snag me more compliments than any of my brand name pairs. The components of the outfit include the following:

Diane von Furstenberg top, (purchased years ago, in honor of my 21st birthday party; worn once since then i.e. I’m an ass), price upon request; Bebe fur-collared cardigan, Beacon’s Closet, $10.95.

Celine peep-toe platform pumps, (purchased five-plus years ago, suffered broken heel two years ago, salvaged by heroic cobbler one year ago), over $400 - Dad almost cut up the gold card in front of my face; beaded necklace, P.S. 321 Flea Market, $3.

And now, I bring you…

Dressed-up denim entry numero uno!

A heinously expensive blouse and a pair of overpriced pumps could transform any pair of under-$30 jeans. What’s so impressive about these F21’s is that they don’t even look cheap to begin with.

I wonder if I’ll lose points for having my hair in my face/ trying to look really, really cool. I’m thinking probs.

More potential entries en route!

Nifty Thrifty

Hello AWESOME.

Now, I realize that a 100% polyester jumpsuit from Sears isn’t most people’s definition of awesome. I certainly have reservations about polyester and jumpsuits as separate entities. But together, in the form of this one piece, two fuglies make a fabulous.

Yes, head-to-toe green is borderline ridiculous. Yes, this garment might make me a walking Don’t. I’m not saying I don’t give a shit about what other people think. I just don’t give a shit about what they think of my clothes.

This garment - this absurd, green, polyester jumpsuit - makes me utterly gleeful. Said Glee cost me a mere $15.95. That’s gotta cancel out the fact that it kinda looks like a Halloween costume, no?

Sears Jumpsuit, KORS pumps - Beacon’s Closet. Belt, LV Scarf - Mommy’s Closet. Tee hee.

Economic Shitstorm

A Sabbatical from Designer Denim

When the economy sucks and gets suckier, sacrifices have to be made in all areas of life. Maybe we can’t afford ten dollars in Pinkberry each day. Maybe we also need to let go of one of our usual splurgy poos…at least for the time being.

The first one to go? Designer denim. Buh. Bye.

Look brand snoots, I feel you. I used to consider jeans that cost less than $150 an insult to JAPs everywhere. This was before I discovered Forever 21. Unlike GAP, Old Navy and the like, Forever 21 denim is virtually unrecognizable as such. When worn with a white-hot shirt (this one Anne Fontaine, stolen from Mommy’s Closet), they look like they cost a hell of a lot more than $24.99.

If you can’t bring yourself to buy jeans from Forever 21, get off my blog. Now. Just kidding ;). If you must, must have brand name denim in your life, don’t add insult to injury by paying full price.
Hit sample sales, Loehmann’s, Century 21, outlets, designer re-sale shops, whatevs. Anything you buy, be it a crazy leather handbag or an H&M dress, can always be found for less than its retail price; jeans are NO EXCEPTION to this rule.

I’ve had serious success with denim of the designer ilk at Beacon’s Closet.

I’m also a big fan of Beacon’s’ no-name stuff; this fantabulous, high-waisted, wide-legged pair was $16.95.

The front of the jeans is good.

The back of the jeans is GREAT. Must be that gold shooting star patch.

Or maybe it’s just my ass!

Cheap JAP 101

Still Jumpin’ for Jumpers? Just Add Tights.

I looooove jumpers. I thought I was going to have to say goodbye to my fave onesies till next year, and that made me sad.

Then I paired them with tights, and realized that jumpers on their own are fun, but jumpers layered over other stuff are even funner!

Remember that H&M number I bought on a whim? After wearing it by itself all summer, I tried it with a gray, spandex-y BCBG tee, elastic black-and-gold belt (from Urban, like eight bucks on sale) and black tights.

I added black tights to the Crazy Denim Jumper from Beacon’s Closet, too.

With a blue-and-white pinstripe button down and Mom’s riding boots, I think it looks better this way than by itself.

(Though, with floral-embroidered denim jumpers, one really never knows).

Cheap JAP 101

When More is More

Cher, GET IN HERE.
What’s up, Daddy?
What is that?
A dress.
Says who?
Calvin Klein.
It looks like underwear. Go put something over it.
Duh, I was just going to.

If memory serves, I wore this Gianfranco Ferre minidress to a sorority formal without putting something over it, but let’s not dwell on the past. Point being, a pricey label doesn’t make a slutty dress look any less cheap. Only WE can do that.

Finding new ways to wear the clothes you already own is a fab, fiscally responsible way to feel like you’re shopping. Really, you sort of are. You’re just spending time in your closet instead of money at a boutique.

Alas, shopping my own closet to de-sluttify this dress proved a trial-and-error process. The tights were the biggest beotch; anything even remotely sheer screamed streetwalker. Shoes were also a challenge: Boots were overwhelming, none of my pumps seemed to work either.

I was stumped on how to cover my upper-half too (and very close to bagging the whole de-sluttifying endeavor) when one of my first Cheap JAP purchases ever caught my eye.

I added the fur-collared Bebe cardy ($10.95 at Beacon’s Closet), tights so opaque they’re basically leggings, and silver Manolo slingbacks, and everything seemed to fall into place (whether or not it stayed there is debatable. Bah!).

Is the outfit still a bit risque? Probs. It might even still be considered slutty, where Fashion is concerned. But I don’t feel slutty wearing it, and THAT’s what matters, dollfaces. Now, go forth and shop. You don’t even need to leave your house!*

*No, that doesn’t mean you get to go shop online. Nice try.

Cheap JAP 101

Vanity Dress, Insta-Mood Booster

Working four nights a week seriously cuts into my ability to wear fun little dresses like this one. But when you put something on that lets you live the lie that, even at five-foot-two, you could totally model if you felt like it, that something must be bought immediately. Especially if it’s a BCBG dress on sale for $16.95. (Thank you Beacons, as per usual).

I used a green, detachable purse strap from Mom’s Gucci clutch as a belt, and topped the outfit off with my fave black pumps. Then I proceeded to dance around my apartment in the ensemble for forty-five minutes or so. I took some ridiculous pics in diva mode just for kicks.

Okay, so why am I posting this barrage of photos (aside from my being despicably vain and image-obsessed, obvs)? Because fashion - dressing up - is supposed to be fun. Even if you’ve got nowhere to go - if I didn’t play with my clothes, I wouldn’t have realized that a purse strap can double as an accessory!

I guess my point is this: You don’t always need events, booze or people to entertain yourself. Sometimes, all it takes is a camera and a closet to make your own party.

Label Whore

More Brands at Beacon’s

You’re probs sick of hearing about Beacon’s Closet. Tough nuts. If you know of another store that sells JAPtastic denim for $24.95, I’m all ears. But as it stands, when I want serious brands at a quarter of their original price, Beacon’s never fails to deliver.

These are Hudson Jeans which, like their overpriced kin, usually retail for around $180. Based on their awesomeness, $24.95 seems too cheap, almost unbelievably so. But the tags don’t lie, people. The tags don’t lie.

Nifty Thrifty

Buy Now, Wear Later…But Only If It’s Cheap

I rarely buy things I can’t wear immediately, in part because I don’t have the patience for it, and in part because said things aren’t usually on sale. Those of us continually strapped for cash don’t have the luxury of paying full price for Fall wardrobe “pieces” before there’s even the slightest nip in the air. Instead, we have the good sense to know a practical purchase when we see it - i.e. a tan, v-neck Club Monaco sweater tagged for $14.95 at Beacon’s Closet - and snap it up immediately.

In my experience, Club Monaco v-neck sweaters are as pricey as they are versatile. This is probs why Mommy flipped out when I borrowed, washed, and dried her black one into a shrunken, pilled mess last year. Oopsies. My tan version says “Dry Clean Only”: In my world, that means “Turn inside out and wash in parents’ fancy washer on cold water, gentle cycle; hang dry,” or, if desperate, “Hand wash; hang dry.”

The bubblegum pink no-namer serves the same function as the Club Monaco v-neck - a thin, transitional sweater, perfect for layering into Fall and throughout the chillier months - so I probs didn’t need it. But, at $11.95, I couldn’t really justify not buying it. (Italics in previous sentence intended to distract from double-negative grammar crime, btdubs).

Cheap JAP 101

The Elusive JAPgasm

When I used to put outfits together, I had the luxury of concerning myself only with aesthetics. Why? Because any brand I owned was a JAPtastic one. When I put outfits together now, I have to concern myself with balance. Why? Because even I won’t walk out the door in head-to-toe Forever 21. I might be cheap, but I’m still a JAP, goddammit.

The peak of Cheap JAP outfit perfection - the JAPgasm, if you will - occurs when the outfit in question achieves practicality, class and originality in perfect harmony. Clothes from budget chains a la H&M/Forever 21 make an outfit practical; coveted labels purchased as splurgy poos or at discount a la Loehmann’s/Century 21 give it class; thrift store finds and/or items from Mommy’s closet make it uniquely yours.

The shorts pictured are Forever 21 and cost $19.80: Practicality accomplished. The polka-dot blouse is a Beacon’s Closet find, snagged for $11.95. Originality? Done and done. The shoes are Manolo slingbacks, purchased with Daddy’s Amex back in college. While it makes me nauseous to think about paying full, retail price for them today, I can’t say I regret doing so back then (probs because it wasn’t my money I was spending…whatevs). Even so - four years later - they still make me look and feel a lot more loaded than I am. These three items combined result in a totally JAPgasmic outfit. Ohhh yeah, baby. Yeah. (!!)

Label Whore

Indulging Your Inner Label Whore

Part of being a Cheap JAP is rejecting the notion that labels define an article of clothing as good, bad or ugly. Where tops, bottoms, jumpers and dresses are concerned, I’ve pretty much kicked my inner label whore’s ass; she doesn’t blink at the amount of F21 and H&M in my closet, and even concedes that some of it’s cuter than my more JAPtastic garb. With shoes and handbags, she’s a little less forgiving. So sometimes I need to buy her a brand treat to shut her the eff up. This is where Beacon’s Closet comes in.

Beacon’s is one of the few places where you can be a label whore without actually paying for it.

Sure, there’s def stuff from GAP, Zara and the like lining the racks, but all that’s pretty cheap to begin with. As Beacon’s brand offerings range from very budget to uber high-end, I’m always on the hunt for the gems in the latter category. A $20 top from F21 reduced to $7 is good; a $200 Marc Jacobs jacket reduced to $30 is better. Capiche?

These Michael Kors gold pumps - oh sorry, MICHAEL by Michael Kors, how budg of me - probs originally retailed for around $120-ish, which isn’t outrageous to begin with. Alas, I got them for $21.95, reconciling my thrifty and my snooty sides. What a beauteous compromise!

Label Whore

One Fab Score: Chloe at Beacon’s

This past weekend I had not one, but two, magical thrift store experiences. One involved black and purple, over-the-knee suede boots; another story for another day. The other resulted in my snagging of the most JAPtastic items in my wardrobe to date.

Unlike more traditional thrift stores, Beacon’s Closet has as many recognizable brand-name wares as it does no-name hippie garb. You just need to be willing to hunt for the Pucci in the polyester. I knew I was getting good at unearthing designer gems: This shirtdress affirms that I am, in fact, a shopping predator.

Finding anything Chloe at a thrift store is an event of mythic proportions - I had to try it on before I really believed my ridiculous luck. The dress oozed quality and class and fit like a glove. I only belted it because it’s missing its two topmost buttons (a flaw currently being addressed by my seamstress…I should probs learn to sew at some point, whatevs).

Chloe dresses retail anywhere from $500 to $1000. Mine was $29.95. A big, fat, OMFG to that. I can still hardly believe it myself.

Coolier Than Thou

It’s a Legging, It’s a Jean, It’s…Denim Leggings!

For the record: I’m well aware that these pants are, at first glance, utterly ridiculous. When I saw them in American Apparel I initially balked at the price. Forty-two dollar leggings. Really. REALLY? What could possibly be so special about American Apparel leggings that made them nearly fifty bucks? They had the appearance of denim, but they weren’t technically jeans. They had a trendy high waist, but were too tight for a tucked-in shirt. Who in their right mind would wear such a thing?

Me, as it turns out. Obvs.

Under normal circumstances, the mere idea of tucking anything into leggings is as silly as it is slutty. But these aren’t your average leggings; the polyester/nylon/elasthan combo makes legs look thinner than they actually are, yet the material is still thick enough to hide everything from thong lines to cellulite. This is not to imply that denim leggings are easy to pull off. If you’re feeling even remotely self-conscious and/or bloated (I find that the two often go hand in hand, no?) parade around your apartment in them before taking them out on the town.

The first outfit pictured is a tad ho-fo-sho for my taste, but it proves that a thin shirt can be tucked into the DLs without incident (BTdubs, the shirt’s a James Perse, snagged for $11.95 at Beacon’s; the shoes are Manolos, courtesy of The United Bank of Mommy).

The second outfit uses a loose top (also American Apparel) to balance the tight pants and, as a result, is a bit more classy (though “class” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind where denim leggings are concerned). It also exemplifies why I bought the pants in the first place. Because - as bizarre as they are - they make me feel like a fucking rock star.

So much so that I can’t help but make ugly-rock-star-faces every time I put them on.

Label Whore

Seasonal Steal, JAPtastic Brand

When you see the “Now Buying For Summer” sign in the window at Beacon’s Closet, they’re not screwing around; show up with winter stuff to sell and they’ll neg it immediately, regardless of its cute factor or brand origin. This is uber annoying if you’re trying to score some cash on old sweaters, but seriously awesome when you’ve got money to burn on warm weather apparel. When I found these pants yesterday, a part of me was jealous of myself, if that makes any sense. Because they’re not just a pair of wide-leg, linen pants. They’re also not just a pair of wide-leg, linen Theory pants. They’re a cheap pair of wide-leg, linen Theory pants - $22.95 to be exact.
Let’s play a really fun game called What Theory Usually Retails For. The Rease Radar Pants are $215 at Saks (and Bloomies). Shopbop is selling the Linen Emery Pant for $225. And Intermix has the gall to charge $150 for a fucking pair of shorts.
I know, I know - magical things like $23 Theory pants don’t happen every day. But once you accept that spending over $200 on something you’ll wear for three months is slightly insane, you’ll be able to fully appreciate the beauty of the discount designer item. Stop overpaying and start hunting - seek and ye shall find.