CheapJAP

Heel Schpiel

Fave Alert: STEVEN by Steve Madden

Trivia: Back in junior high, Cheap JAP broke her ankle…
(a) In a particularly intense game of Laser Tag at T.W. Sports.
(b) Leading her field hockey team to victory.
(c) Walking in high heels.

They were Steve Madden Platform Penny Loafers, to be exact. I suppose my ankles weren’t yet strong enough to handle stairs in four-inchers. Fourteen years old; already suffering for style. Que suprise!

I’ve recently been on the hunt for two kinds of shoes: One being gray pumps, the other being an ankle boot badass enough to replace my gnarled, Aldo motorcycle ones. I didn’t even consider the possibility of one shoe fulfilling both objectives. Then I wandered into the STEVEN by Steve Madden Soho store, where I zeroed in on the Loletta Bootie. If an Aldo motorcycle boot and a gray pump could reproduce, the result would be this suede mutt of a shoe. Theoretically speaking, it was totally a two for one deal.

That being said, I won’t bullshit you on the price - $149.95 is no steal. But STEVEN by Steve Madden is one of the few brands I don’t mind paying full price for, and that’s because the Shoes. Last. Fo. Eva. I’m wearing them around my apartment with sweatpants right now.

…What? A girl’s gotta practice walking sometimes. Especially if she’s prone to fashion-related injuries.

Love With Hate Icing

Me Say eBay

Wanna know why I’m really against online shopping? Because I don’t have a doorman. If I’m not home, I do not receive my package. Instead, I receive yellow slips that inform me of UPS’s 1st, 2nd and 3rd attempts to drop off said package.

When a reader mentioned she scored a Theory blazer for ten bucks on eBay, I started perusing the site to find things that would make waiting for the UPS guy worth my while. Here’s what I’m “watching” so far:

GRINTA Vintage Leather Doctor’s Bag, bidding starts at $24.99; Vintage 70s Leather Leaf Clutch, Buy-It-Now Only, $24.95.

Miu Miu Patent Pumps, bidding starts at $21.50; Cole Haan Boots, bidding starts at $49.99.

Sartorial Etiquette

MAILBAG: Boots Made For Walking (Mostly)

Subject: Shoe Conundrum
Dear CJ,
I’m meeting my mom in Paris in November for a couple weeks and my shoe situation is dire. I have hot sandals and warm weather cab-to-curb shoes galore, but I need something warm, awesome, and comfortable with which to hit the streets with gusto. I really (really really) want this pair of Sigerson Morrison boots, but feel like an ass paying a thousand bucks for a pair of boots. Anyway, I think I’d feel too guilty to enjoy wearing them but really need some great shoes to go with all my cool clothes and with Paris in general. Nothing says broke like a cheap pair of shoes.
Thanks! Love your site, you’re so funny.
Hannah

From Teresa re: Rain Boots Cool Enough to Not Look Like Rainboots:
Okay, I am calling on the wisdom of the shopping diva of the east. I want to get a pair of mid calf boots that are fitted. I don’t particularly care for ankle boots since I’m normally rocking some thermals under my jeans ( I am a baby at the hint of cold weather). I also don’t want something everyone else has.
@ 2:05 am on October 3rd, 2008

Seems we’re a bit nutso about functional footwear right now, so I’m going to be uber efficient and find both Hannah and Teresa fab boots in the space of one blog post. Cake. Firstly, Hannah, were you seriously considering spending a $1000 on boots?! If so, consider this an affectionate bitch slap. Yes, nothing says broke like a cheap pair of shoes; Yes, you’re going to Paris and want to fit in with the most annoyingly chic women on the planet. But blowing a grand on ANY ONE THING is a massive waste of money. A few hundred bucks can buy you boots that neither bankrupt your checking account nor destroy your feet.

For daytime, functional footwear, I’m all about riding boots - stealing Mommy’s Ralph Laurens last year was a totally clutch move. Few things can rival the awesomeness of free shoes, but these black ones come pretty damn close. Heritage II Zip Field Riding Boot, Ariat, $239.90.

Now Teresa, I know you think you want something mid-calf, in which case the Etienne Aigner Vibra Calf Boot ($169) will do you right. But if you’re not tall and willowy, mid-calf boots make for stumpy-looking legs, so consider yourself warned. The contrasting color and material (Is that crocodile?! Oooh!) on the Sudini Prestige Boot ($229) is fab, and the knee-high length more flattering.

Don’t these Sam Edelman Kailee Boots ($254) kind of look like chaps?! More streamlined than cowboy boots, but still edgy - love it. Heart the Type Z Lavonna Boots ($180) too. The leather threading is a touch Goth, but not in a creepy, trendy way. More in a do-not-mess-with-my-badass-self-or-boots way.

Hannah, I could see this Me Too Overton Boot ($195) putting those Frenchies’ feet to shame; between the gray leather and the back-tie detail, it’s all subtle and simple (and all those other adjectives foreign to our crude American style…ferme le bouches, le chiennes!). Some might consider the Patent Hidden Wedge Boot ($199.95) too dressy for daytime use, but who the eff said we can’t dress up during the day? A shout out to 80%20 here; the patent leather number is one of about fifteen fan-freaking-tastic boots in their latest collection. Go peruse. (They run small, so order and/or try the next size up).

I don’t really know why I’m including this Irregular Choice Wrap Boot ($225) here. It’s got a sizable (albeit hidden) heel, and would probs be murder to walk in. But I. Have. Never. Seen. Anything. Like. It.

Umm, hello AWESOME.

Label Whore

Does a $7 Top Cancel Out $300 Boots? Probs Not.

I wasn’t even going to write about my recent acquisition of these KORS Micheal Kors Slicker Lace-Up Rubber Boots. I neither paid for them nor deserved them; I just happen to be a spoiled brat whose Mommy buys her things for absolutely no reason.

For what it’s worth, I feel really, really guilty about that (albeit not guilty enough to not wear the boots).

So I’m coming clean: On my own dime, I’m a Cheap JAP through and through but when someone else is buying, the Label Whore reigns supreme. Hey, nobody’s perfect.

I’m the first to admit that these boots are trendy as hell. They’re also the most in-your-face empowering pair of shoes I’ve ever owned; they’re durable enough to last through rain, snow, slush, mud and/or stepping in gum and look fabulous doing it. Worn under trouser jeans, they’re high-heeled, casual alternative to flats (ideal for my 5′2″ frame). Tucked into pants or leggings, they’re a total statement. And anything that makes a statement is, for the Cheap JAP, always In. (Fashion’s supposed to be fun, for fuck’s sake).

Pictured: Polo Hoodie (originally Boys XL, cut into v-neck to accommodate boobage), Salvation Army, $7; DVF Jeans, Tokio 7, $75 (reduced from $345); KORS Michael Kors Boots…price upon request.

Cheap JAP 101

Rain Boots Cool Enough to Not Look Like Rain Boots

Yesterday’s crappy weather got me thinking about rain boots. I’m not entirely opposed to those gimmicky, patterned wellies: A splash of color usually brightens a wet depressing day. Problem is, they’re so obviously rain boots that they can’t be worn once the rain lets up. You might look prepared on your morning commute but on your way home, you look like a jerk-off who forgot to change her shoes. Wearing wild wellies indoors is equally problematic; even in the most casual of office environments, they can’t double as a chic boot. Lucky for us, there’s a whole crop of rain boots that can. You might even want to wear them when the forecast is clear.

I totally heart the orange detail on this rubberized equestrian boot. And doesn’t the neutral Hunter boot look like something a British aristocrat might wear to a hunting party? Oh so upper-crust! Brown and Orange Equestrian Boot, Tamara Henriques, $65; Lady N Rain Boot, Hunter, $129.95.

The fold-over tweed detail coupled with the sleek wedge make the black boot something I’d wear rain or shine. And the fade-to-black trim on the blue wellie is uber cool. Black Tweed Sadie Rain Boot, Sperry, $69.95; Burnished Rubber Riding Boot, J.Crew, $75.

Cheap JAP 101

Bootstorming

When you find yourself snipping the frayed, gnarled rubber off the heel of your fave shoes - as I did last night before donning my Aldo triple-buckle, biker chick-esque, ankle boots - it’s time for a new pair. I don’t care about the hours you spent breaking them in, I don’t care that from far away, they still look alright - this isn’t an effing Monet we’re talking about. The only thing worse than a cheap pair of shoes is a decent pair worn past their expiration date. We don’t need to cling to those haikus markered onto our nine-year-old Converse sneakers; this isn’t Cheap Hipster, people.

As my ankle boots have officially crossed the line from broken-in to busted, I’m on the hunt for a new pair. Here’s what I’m thinking so far:

I get an overwhelmingly icky feeling in my tummy when I pay more than $150 for a pair of shoes. It’s probs the same feeling the shoe-obsessed get when they pony up for a handbag. So the Dolce Vita Zip Belted Bootie, at $213 is slightly out of my reach. Not that it can’t be tracked down at Loehmann’s or Century 21 for far less - I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled. The We Who See Rise Bootie, is reasonably priced at $78. Alas, it’s canvas and I need these puppies to see me through the gray, icey street sludge all winter. They’re a maybe.
Continue reading →

Sartorial Etiquette

MAILBAG: Boot Blues

Subject: I need these boots
Hi, I need your help. I need these boots. I don’t have $500 and even if I did shopbop is already sold out of size 7. I am a shoe lady to your handbag lady, I’m going to think about these and dream of them and covet the bitches who wear them until they, or something very like them, are mine. Any ideas?

Thank you!
Jennie

Subject: Re: I need these boots
jennie, dollface - i feel your pain. let’s not pretend that you wouldn’t have dropped $500 you don’t have on those gorgeous joie boots if only shopbop hadn’t been sold out of your size - they’re effing gorgeous, and if i was a shoe gal, resistance might have been futile. alas, any $500 item - be it a boot, bag or otherwise - is a serious splurge and as such, requires some thought. if you splurge on impulse, you’ll not only be out $500, but also resent the goddamn things for hindering your ability to pay your rent. a splurge should be enjoyed! if boots are your thang, start saving some moolah now and do some research. some ideas to get you started:

Chinese Laundry Turbo Suede Wedge Boot, $99.95 - $109. STEVEN by Steve Madden Reins Boot, $259.95.

Elie Tahari Acorn Suede Juliana Flat Boot, $357 (originally $595). Frye Jane Cuff Boot, $348.
i know your over-the-moon for the joie over-the-knees (ooh i’m so clevaah), but jpegs can’t tell you whether or not you’ll be able to walk in those boots. ya gotta try ‘em on.

cheers to the hunt - keep me posted!
mwah!
Cheap JAP