I found this Ralph Lauren *Black Label* (ahh) orange linen crop jacket at a Marshalls in the middle of nowhere for… $15 on clearance. It had to be a mistake because the retail price on the RL tags were $1,095 and it was in perfect condition. That means I basically got this jacket for 99% off. I don’t really know how I’ll wear it yet because it’s a bright red orange, but I just couldn’t pass it up!

Lurking nearby was another Black Label masterpiece, a black velvet strapless cocktail dress with a bubble skirt. Unfortunately it was still priced at $200 but I’ll be checking up on it frequently. Eek wish me luck.
-S

Black Label at Marshalls for $15? ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! This stunner of a jacket’s more than a bonafide score – it’s an effing INSPIRING find! Don’t stress about the color; just go neutral on bottom (this would be KILLER with white jeans, methinks). I’m bright green with envy. Also very, very proud. Well done you!

Oooh, and do keep us posted on that cocktail dress.

The Average Retail Price of a DVF Dress is $395. Barf. Dresses at the semi-annual sale go for $150, max, which isn’t entirely absurd in the grand scheme of things. Unless you’re the maharajah of thrift a-la-ME, in which case, you know you can do better.

Once upon a time, secondhand DVF was limited to high-end consignment; a barely-worn piece could be had for around $100. Still a deal, fo sho, but I can’t buy $100 dresses on a regular basis. When the recession hit, something magical happened: DVF started showing up in thrift stores. The first documented sighting of the phenomenon occurred six months ago at Buffalo Exchange in the form of a navy blue shirtdress that proved ill-fitting. I did not lose hope. I knew if I stayed the course, I’d eventually find another. A few weeks ago at Beacon’s Closet, the stars finally aligned and BAM! There she was.

As you can see, this effing gorgeous satin and chiffon number is almost entirely transparent. What I layered underneath to keep it from looking like lingerie requires another post altogether, as it too was an epic score. For now, let’s focus up on what really matters: The price differential between DVF retail, DVF semi-annual sale, and DVF secondhand. (And for the record, my secondhand DVF was in remarkably good condition – no loose threads, stains, tears, nada. If chiffon had a superlative, it would be Most Likely to Get Caught in Side Zipper, so this is particularly impressive. Point being, I don’t want to hear any crap about how I sacrificed quality for cost or whatever. Moving on.)

New DVF Dress at Full Retail Price: $395.00
New DVF Dress at Semi-Annual Sale: $150.00
Gently-Worn DVF Dress at Beacon’s Closet: $22.95

Oh right, you probably want proof. Okay.

Paying $127 LESS than everyone at the semi-annual sale and snagging a dress of the same brand, sanity in tact? Fucking priceless.

Word to the thrift.

My inner monologue at the time went something like this:


Four blocks from my destination, already running late, and cannot, will not, buy ANOTHER five dollar shitty umbrella. I need to haul some serious ass. I HATE exercise. FUCK.


So I bit the bullet and broke into a full sprint, anticipating blisters resulting from the inaugural wearing of new shoes and water damage resulting from my failure to weatherproof their leather. By the time I got to my appointment, I looked like Finkle/Einhorn after her fight with Ace down at the docks, which is to say, a runny-mascaraed version of Hell. I was a lost cause, but what of my boots?!

Shockingly enough, my feet were still mostly dry. There wasn’t even a hint of a cut or blister – it was like I’d run those four blocks in cross trainers. Not that I’d know. The best part? The pissing sky had zero effect on my boots; post-storm, they looked as new as they were.

I figured a shot of me looking like a drowned rat was the least I could do in their honor.

I’ve known Krip long enough to know that for her, ‘broke’ means she doesn’t want to spend more than $100. Even so, I understand why she equates $100 to nada – in her world of Meatpacking boutiques, that figure might buy her half a shoe. In my world of the gently-worn, $100 bucks is enough for at least four things, sometimes more. But even that promise couldn’t counter the same look of disgust that crossed Krip’s face this past Sunday, mere moments after entering Housing Works’ Chelsea store. Oy. This shit was going to require my full attention and some strategic negotiating.

Me: Nice face.
Krip: Whatevs, I haven’t walked out yet.
Me: If you try on everything I pull for you here, you don’t have to go to another thrift store today. Or ever again. Deal?
Krip: Dealskies.

A knee-length black BCBG skirt with silver snap details took Krip from disgusted to only slightly skeptical; said skepticism was subsequently quashed by a Paul Stuart tuxedo shirt in mint condition. And right before we entered the dressing room, a lavender tunic/vest thingy prompted legit interest – the brand was unrecognizable, but the material was unmistakable. 100% cashmere. We JAPs have a sixth sense for these things.

All three items fit fabulously, and were bought with money to spare. Krip’s visible excitement over the cashmere tunic’s $13 pricetag meant she’d realized the look-loaded potential of secondhand clothes, but I knew she wasn’t yet fully converted. She was, however, encouraged enough to hit HWorks’ Gramercy location for another round.

Once there, I reassessed my strategy. I knew Krip had been looking for a new blazer; finding her one might seal the deal. Just then, I came across a DKNY black satin stunner of a jacket. Dressy enough to wear as a suit separate, versatile enough to up the chic-factor on a pair of jeans – the piece was just so Right. It fit Krip perfectly, and while its quality merited the collective victory dance we gave it, its $55 pricetag was more than I’d anticipated. Krip has willingly paid at least three times that for blazers in the past; to her, this was a bigtime score. But I knew it was too pricey to prompt the Breakthrough Moment I’d been aiming for. AND THEN…

Hang on. The story’s conclusion requires a word on the Breakthrough Moment in general and as it applies here. Bella Swan’s happened when she asked her vampire boyfriend to bite her neck; Carrie Bradshaw’s happened after she slept with one of her therapist’s patients (played by Bon Jovi, mrrow). And mine happened upon finding a killer Tahari blazer at Goodwill for eleven buckaroos. For some, a breakthrough moment is the point at which you realize you’d rather live in love than die without it. For others, it’s the last straw that proves you pick the wrong men.

For Cheap JAPs, it’s the material proof of your ability to shop cheap and still look loaded. The Breakthrough Moment implies an involuntary kind of commitment; experiencing it is synonymous with embarking on a new course, and never looking back. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Anyway, back to Krip. We get to the register and she takes out her debit card, more than okay with forking over $55 for the killer satin DKNY blazer. When the staffer rings it up, the number $13.75 appears on the screen.

Krip: Wait, I’m confused. Is it $13.75 off of $55 for some reason?
HWorks Staffer: No. That’s your total.
Krip: Wait. WHAT?!
HWorks Staffer: It’s on sale for $13.75. All outerwear is 75% Off.



At this point, I danced a little jig and did the dirt-off-your-shoulder move. Krip picked her jaw up off the floor and started yelling to no one in particular.

Did you SEE that?! That was INSANE! I’ve spent more on bullshit from H&M! What was I THINKING shopping at Saks?! I’ve never paid so little for something so awesome in my life!

And there it is, ladies. The Breakthrough Moment that transforms a princess into a Cheap JAP in one fell swoop.

Totally amped from the day, us Cheap JAPs had enough adrenaline left over for one last stop. We ended up at City Opera Thrift Shop across the street, but it wasn’t my idea. It was Krip’s.

Now, before I boast about yet another brand-name find at yet another thrift store, I’d like to address some readers who feel I should temper my secondhand finds with more sample sale and/or designer discount fare.

While most JAPtastic brands are heinously overpriced, even I admit that cost often relates to quality. Well-made clothing doesn’t just hold up until its original owner tires of it; it lasts long enough to be re-worn and re-born into the wardrobe of another. I don’t shop at Goodwill, Salvation Army, Beacon’s, et. al because I aim to look like a fifties housewife or a free-lovin flower child. I shop these stores because they offer the greatest deals in fashion, provided you have the time and energy to notice.

I’m well aware that not everyone has hours to spend searching for said deals, which is why I fully support Loehmanns, Filene’s, TJ Maxx, and other established brands-for-less outlets. For the sake of argument, let’s say I have a $150 dress reduced to $60 from Loehmanns and a $150 dress reduced to $6 from Monk – the main difference between the two being that one has its tags on it and one’s a little wrinkly. It is ludicrous for my lifestyle and my budget to shell out $60 when I could spend $6. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s ludicrous for you. Particularly if you work in an office and need something semi-professional, not something in magenta chiffon.

Long story long, my enthusiasm for thrift stores is really just basic economics (I think). Twelfth Street by Cynthia Vincent dresses usually run from $150 to $400. Unless they’re from Monk, in which case, they’re $6. Six dollars. SIX DOLLARS.

I rest my case.

I am effing awesome at shopping.

Yup; my fancy, overpriced, liberal arts education has brought me to this conclusion. (Sorry Dad).

Shopping at Goodwill is a test of faith. Sooo deep, right?! But for serious. We don’t just love to shop cheap because it’s fiscally responsible. We love it for the thrill of the score. What you see here is an olive-plaid, button-front, velvet-trimmed Tahari blazer – an item that, given its brand, would retail for $400 and change – for $12.99. What you don’t see is the heavy lifting that went into finding this piece (and not just figuratively speaking; I was hauling around fifteen or so garments when I found it). Right before I entered the dressing room, after 45 minutes spent wreaking havoc on the racks, the score caught my eye. I didn’t need another blazer, but COME ON.

I’m not schpieling for accolades (eh fine, maybe a little) – I do have a point. When I hit Goodwill, there was no this-stuff’s-gross, no I-wish-I-was-at-Barneys and no I-hope-I-find-something-decent. Instead, I was thinking, “I WILL SELL THIS HOUSE TODAY” except with buying clothes.

A score like this blazer wouldn’t be any fun if it was the first thing I’d found. I put the time in, I left no stone unturned, and it paid off in the form of a Cheap JAPtastic piece as I knew it would. It will continue to pay off when I get compliments on the it and get to brag about – err, I mean, disclose – the fact that it was $12.99.

When the going gets tough and you’re ready to throw in the towel (i.e. hightail it uptown and open a Saks account), remember: Shopping cheap and looking loaded is like baseball, and I’m your Jimmy Dugan.

It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.