1:11 PM • Aug 12th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Soooo, The Online Home of Vogue knows you’re like totally stressing about not being able to afford your usual Resort Collection for your end-of-summer vacay on the Amalfi Coast or whatevs. The shitty economy means no Armani, Versace, Dior or Zac Posen this year, and how sad for you! Fear not. The editorial-fashion-powers-that-be have come up with Realistic Resort Options for you from “the best little sister brands and contemporary labels that qualify as solid investments” AND don’t cost as much as a small car. Like this Development Navy-and-White Striped Coat, for instance. Now, they can’t tell you how much it actually costs - that would be crass. But Development dresses usually run around $375, so this coat can’t possibly be more than $600.
Other Resort options for the budget-conscious Recessionista include, but are not limited to: DKNY, Moschino Cheap & Chic, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Emporio Armani and Theory. At full price, of course - because waiting for things to go on sale is such a drag.
Oh Vogue. Where money’s concerned, your idiocy really is astounding. Like Smalls in “The Sandlot,” you’re killing me. Do yourselves (and us) a favor and stick to what you know (a lot about fashion, and not much else…oooh snap!) We don’t want to buy the overpriced, beautiful ridiculousness that graces your pages, even if it’s less overpriced than usual because you think you have some grasp on what real women spend on clothes. No. We just want to enjoy it!
(And maybe copy it ;).
2:03 PM • Aug 7th, 2008
By cheapjap
Navigatrix
On the hanger and online, this Converse One Star Double Layer Sweater Vest doesn’t look like much. Fully buttoned, it’s still kinda stiff. But a little unbuttoning, unzipping and creativity make it a fab, transitional piece.
One of the things I actually like about Lucky mag is their “Wear It Now, Wear It Later” feature (in a nutshell, how to wear summery items into fall). And this vest is sooo money for that: Paired with a polka dot sundress (Beacon’s, circa last summer) and Steve Madden boots (I spent $190 on these, but that was two years ago and they STILL look decent. This helps me to not think of them as $200 shoes), it makes a warm-weather item totally fall-appropriate.
The vest retails for $29.99 - around the same price as Richard Chai’s BS - and MUST be worn half-buttoned so as to not mar the uber cute navy satin layer. Belt it for shape, obvs.
1:38 PM • Jul 24th, 2008
By cheapjap
Hots and Nots
Fashion likes to stick it to us regular gals by using 5′11” waifs to distract us from one of the cardinal rules of getting dressed: DRESS FOR YOUR BODY TYPE. The following trends have the uncanny ability to make even runway models look bloated, so unless you’re a flat-chested, lanky, scrawny young thang (Kleenex is not a snack, dollface), don’t even bother.
1. Pantaloons
AKA Fancy Pants, Pirate Pants, Bloomers, etc. Wait, you want me to wear something that makes my hips and thighs look like big, billowy, trouser-clad tree trunks? I don’t give a shit if it tapers at the ankle - that’s worse. That is not expertly playing with proportions - that is giving myself a fat ass ON PURPOSE.
2. The T-Shirt Dress
Belt it, add boots, vests, weird headgear, whatevs. Doesn’t change the fact that you’re wearing an oversized tee shirt; the term “schmata” was invented to describe shit like this.
Continue reading →
10:58 AM • Jul 15th, 2008
By cheapjap
Cheap JAP 101
Sooo it’s almost August, which means it’s time to freak out about Fall Denim. What ever will you do with the the Boyfriend, the Wide Leg, the Bold Color and the Super Skinny styles of yesteryear?! Are they all, like, sooo last season? Fear not, my little chickies. Jeans are a worthy splurge for a reason: Even the trendier styles stay In, season after season. Unfortunately, brand-whoring fashion mags like to use different names for the same thing to dupe you into buying more jeans (as IF your JAPtastic ass doesn’t already own ten uber-In pairs). Here’s a guide to the adjective-heavy denim “trends” designed to make you second guess what’s in your closet. [Thanks in advance to Lucky and ELLE for regurgitating each other’s style tips].
Lucky How To Wear Your Denim Guide, 2008 - Sleek Silhouette
ELLE Denim Trends Fall 2007 - The Skinny Jean
Lucky’s also a fan of Super-Skinny Jeans - apparently, slapping on a superlative distinguishes the trend from ELLE’s Skinny Jean of 2007. The Lucky eds suggest pairing a fitted, sleeveless top with skinny jeans to achieve the Sleek Silhouette look; those of us with boobs know the potential slut-factor of going tight all over. To each her own.
Continue reading →
1:20 PM • Jul 7th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
Ahh, Vogue. Aliases: Conniving Queen of Chic, Evil Stepmother of Style, Embodiment of All Things We Can’t Afford. I recently received the July issue and something on the cover caught my eye. Something incongruous to the mag’s content and concept. Something implying that even Vogue was susceptible to a fashion reality check. Something that read, “Cheap Chic: Strategies for Shopping the Trends on a Budget.”
It’s a post-holiday weekend Monday; you office folk could probs use a good chuckle. Well, you’re in luck. Because Vogue’s idea of budget shopping is the biggest fucking joke I have ever heard.
The mag’s first eff-up is letting its editrixes define what constitutes “being chic without breaking the bank.” Based on their suggestions, these floozies are either buffeted by family moolah, married to rich dudes and/or heinously overpaid. Their bank ain’t the same as our bank. Are most of the items featured under $500? Yes. Is spending around $500 on one item ever an economically sound decision? No. Eff no.
Continue reading →
11:46 AM • Jun 3rd, 2008
By cheapjap
Cheap JAP 101
Sooo, Lucky Mag is running a “Summer Under $100″ story that features - you guessed it - warm-weather items under $100. Kudos to them, for serious. 
Some of the options, like the $50 Wanted Patent Penthouse Heel pictured, are actually as adorable as they are affordable (def just reached my alliteration quota for the day…whatevs). My problem isn’t with the compilation of under-$100 items; approximately 87% of everything I buy meets that criteria. My problem is with the bullshit Lucky was spouting this morning on The Today Show; that a trendy, fab outfit can be had for less than $100. For any girl even remotely concerned with looking loaded (so, like, all of us) the $100 outfit is an effing joke. Why? Two words: Shoes and Handbags.
A Benjamin is more than enough to get you dressed from torso to ankle, no question. But if I’m wearing $7.99 sandals from Forever 21 and a $14.99 bag from Target along with my cheap ensemble, I am not feeling loaded. I am feeling like I’m wearing Forever 21 sandals and a Target bag. (Addendum: Forever 21 is about short-term trend experimentation, not long-term wear - their faux leather shoes tend to have the lifespan of a gnat.).
I’m not suggesting that one needs a different pair of pricey shoes and a different designer bag for every outfit. I am suggesting that spending $100 on a pair of kickass wedges you’ll wear all summer is a better investment than blowing $100 on a head-to-toe outfit that looks as cheap as it is. Where handbags are concerned, well, you know where I stand. Save your dough for one you’ll wear every day, and raid Mommy’s Closet for evening bags. And if you’re in dire need of a quick bag fix, hit a thrift store. You’ll find something that’s a hell of a lot more original (and a lot less likely to out you as cheap) than anything Isaac Mizrahi for Target.
1:34 PM • Apr 28th, 2008
By cheapjap
Heel Schpiel
I was flipping through Vogue the other day trying to find something of Cheap JAP caliber amidst the smattering of “Socialite X in Designer Y” photos (No, I don’t give a fuck about what Tinsley Mortimer is wearing, not because she doesn’t have great style, but because I don’t have enough money flying out of my tanned, toned, blonde ass to burn on haute couture. Also because I can’t pronounce “haute.”).
The most interesting thing I came across in the supposed fashion bible was an ad for Crocs. I almost bought Crocs last year - no, not the original fugly ones, I’m neither chef nor gardener - when I saw their version of the ballet flat. Alas, while the Alice Mary Jane is a worthy attempt at an ergonomic, anti-microbial, slip and odor resistant yet not entirely heinous shoe, its most impressive feature is that it’s not as fugly as its inspiration. Yawn. 
Enter the Cyprus Wedge. I haven’t tried on a pair, but based on Crocs’ track record, it’s probably the most comfortable pseudo-heel in existence. I’ve never really seen anything like it. I wouldn’t call it high-fashion, but it’s kind of chic (specifically in this color combo - the red and silver pairs are questionable). And the price, at $49.99, isn’t nearly as big of a crock as the spread of $700 snakeskin sandals hailed by this month’s Vogue.
11:50 AM • Feb 8th, 2008
By cheapjap
Love With Hate Icing
Most of us ignore Lucky mag’s many contests for two reasons: 1. The time and energy it takes to enter is better spent shopping, and 2. Needing free stuff makes us feel poor. Boo hiss. I used to be more impressed by Lucky’s prizes than by what was required in order to win them. But this month, Lucky has offered a challenge that my inner adjective-obsessed freak just can’t pass up. It’s the Walk-In-Our-Shoes Caption Writing Contest; I’ve already spent most of my morning on Thesaurus.com for research purposes. Continue reading →
1:43 PM • Jan 15th, 2008
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
The latest issue of Lucky boasts the Stylish and Sexy Guide - “perfect, subtly seductive looks inspired by four of the chicest cities in the world.” Let’s see how New York is described hmm, shall we?
“This style is crisp and clean, with an alluringly uncomplicated sensuality.”
Ahem, exsqueeze me? Baking powder? I can’t think of less accurate adjectives for NYC style than “crisp,” “clean,” and “uncomplicated.” One of the best things about New York is that you can wear whatever the fuck you want and someone, somewhere, will probably think it rocks. Ours is a city that gives you the freedom to occasionally look like an ass for the sake of fashion. If we were crisp, clean and uncomplicated, we’d be Boston. Continue reading →
