Cheap JAP » collabs http://cheapjap.com shop cheap. look loaded. Tue, 20 Sep 2011 18:38:41 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Lanvin for H&M Predictions http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/lanvin-for-hm-predictions http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/lanvin-for-hm-predictions#comments Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:52:30 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=8593 ...keep reading Lanvin for H&M Predictions

]]> Lanvin – the uber tres chic Frenchiest fashion house in existence – has announced an upcoming collabs with H&M.

The fashion media’s already mulling over what the capsule preview’s going to look like, and the anticipation is rabid, I tell you. RABID.

In the spirit of putting the gullible parties at ease, I’ve concocted my own preview of Lanvin for H&M based on the ghosts of designer collaborations past. I think it’s fairly accurate.

Sidebar: Should you ever find yourself in need of downloadable photos of H&M stock, pretend you’re Dutch or German or whatevs and browse the international online store; you’ll get the pics AND learn new words like “Jakker” and “Bluser,” which is superfun.

I don’t have the checking account balance required to see/touch Lanvin in person, but the photos alone are cause for drooling.



I was under the impression that class and sophistication couldn’t be achieved via animal print. The Leopard Print Taffeta Double Breasted Trench above ($3,990.00) proves me wrong in spades.

(Note: Lanvin’s price points are a known cause of nausea for those unfamiliar. Try not to hurl.)

So. What are we to expect from said trench’s “reasonably priced” incarnation?

Same shit, different shovel. The result of any collaboration inevitably mirrors not the runway, but the mass-produced, low-cost interpretation of said runway.

I don’t mean to denigrate editorial efforts made on behalf of the designer toward producing a decent product. But let’s be honest: To a multi-billion dollar corporation like H&M, Lanvin’s capsule collection isn’t an opportunity to up the ante on quality.

It’s a way for them to slap a well-known designer’s name on their merch, charge triple the collection’s production cost, and con fashion-conscious shoppers into paying for it.

More “capsule previews” to come. Bah!
]]> http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/lanvin-for-hm-predictions/feed 0 Vena Cava + Aqua: Good Idea, Bad Execution http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/vena-cava-aqua-good-idea-bad-execution http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/vena-cava-aqua-good-idea-bad-execution#comments Tue, 10 Aug 2010 18:55:59 +0000 Cheap JAP http://shopcheaplookloaded.com/?p=8354 ...keep reading Vena Cava + Aqua: Good Idea, Bad Execution

]]> Vena Cava‘s ability to turn potentially unforgiving materials a la satin, silk and chiffon into figure flattering gems. I assume the process of doing so isn’t exactly cost-effective – what with the $300 – $700 price range and all – but my inability to afford the goods hasn’t tainted my respect for the thoughtful design inherent in each piece.

Alas, Recession + Pricey Merch = Unsold Goods. Vena Cava’s attempt to survive by collaborating with mid-range brands is a smart business move.

If only designs intended for luxurious material translated to cheaply made synthetic blends. Before we review Vena Cava for Aqua, a brief discussion of Aqua itself is in order. The quality of the in-house line’s more Forever 21 than DVF, but it gets away with an average price point of $88 anyway. Put a $78 cardigan in a sea of $195 blouses, and shoppers will be too gleeful over its borderline-reasonable price to realize the truth: The cardy in question is crafted out of piss poor polyester, and will inevitably pill in one wash.

Aqua is the Bloomingdale’s equivalent of Macy’s Juniors Department: Cheaply-made trendy clothes with a lifespan mirroring their In expiration date. The highbrow environment in which it’s sold tends to exempt its price points from extensive scrutiny, but don’t be fooled. Keep your guard up if it ever crosses your path.

So. How did Vena Cava handle the challenge of turning barftastic material blends into designer-sanctioned gold?

B plus for effort; D minus for execution.

These two tops might look similar, but observe them in terms of fit and flattery. The high-end version at left is a drape-y cut that still manages to give the torso some semblance of shape. The Aqua version at right is more of a painter’s smock than a blouse. HeLLO! Can I get a WAIST?!

Nextly, we have the much-coveted military jacket – a coat cut to accommodate A cups only, generally speaking. Again, both jackets look similar, and again, the waist is where things go awry. What, praytell, is the goal of the olive number – to turn the wearer into a fashion savvy version of Spongebob? An epic fail on the execution end. ICK.

Lastly, we have coats. Actually, we have one coat, and one schmata. Then again, Frumptastic could be like-so-haute for Fall 2010 – stranger things have happened on the runway.

Vena Cava: The next time you’re approached about a collabs, feel the quality of the material you’ll be handling before you fully commit. You have a reputation to uphold.

Fans of Vena Cava: I don’t want to hear any crap about how this collabs helps you snag the look for less or whatever. If the quality is shit, it’s going to look like shit. You want Vena Cava? Get your ass to any resale store or consignment shop that deals in on-trend merch, and hunt for the real deal. The last time I hit Beacon’s Closet, I saw not one, not two, but FIVE Vena Cava dresses gracing the racks, all new, all with original tags.

I abstained from indulging, and left them for you local gals instead. Because I’m generous like that.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/vena-cava-aqua-good-idea-bad-execution/feed 1 Sevens Retraction, Mulberry for Target http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/mulberry-target http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/mulberry-target#comments Mon, 14 Jun 2010 16:07:49 +0000 Cheap JAP http://shopcheaplookloaded.com/?p=7992 ...keep reading Sevens Retraction, Mulberry for Target

]]> Sevens Jean Shorts on which I previously posted are NOT 7 for All Mankind. The real deal also goes for around $17.00 at Buff Ex, so I’m guessing the buyers were tricked as well. Had these been $11.00 (the usual resale price for mid-range denim lines as opposed to those of the designer ilk) I’d have known something was up.

Whatevs. I still heart the shorts. Let’s move on, shall we?

So. Mulberry’s upcoming Target line is prompting all kinds of feigned excitement in ye old blogosphere. You have to be shitting me.

Riddle me this: What’s the difference between a Mulberry x Target bag and a Mulberry counterfeit bag?

If Mulberry sanctions the cheap copying of itself, it gets a cut of the profits. If someone copies it without their consent, it doesn’t. Otherwise, they’re identical, and by that I mean they’re both inauthentic and made in sweatshops.

Stay tuned for additional kvetching and (more importantly) reduced-price Mulberry options. There’s a better way to get it for less than Target, and it’s called EBAY.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/mulberry-target/feed 1 Gap CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Collection Strategically Exclusive http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/gap-cfda-vogue-collabs http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/gap-cfda-vogue-collabs#comments Fri, 04 Jun 2010 17:58:06 +0000 Cheap JAP http://shopcheaplookloaded.com/?p=7912 ...keep reading Gap CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Collection Strategically Exclusive

]]> Gap + CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund capsule collection.

Good news first (that’s me getting the boring shit out of the way) – there’s sustainable jewelry. Fine. The animal-friendly harvesting of watersnake skin beads and naturally shed buffalo horns suggests a bit of a creature fetish, the term ‘skin beads’ needs serious work, but that’s neither here nor there. What’s important is what’s always important in Cheap JAP land: COST. A $38 wooden bracelet is irritatingly reminiscent of Urban Outfitters’ accessories. A $248 necklace means GAP is living in an alternate universe and calling itself SCOOP. Newsflash: ‘Sustainable’ means using what’s already out there to make new material goodies. If you’re not paying for the raw materials, shouldn’t the cost go DOWN? And don’t give me that oh-but-the-craftsmanship-raises-the-cost crap; Novica has a ton of sustainable jewelry options under $100. It can be done. Moving on.

The price points on the clothes boggle the mind, obvs, and reinforce the offense inflicted on shoppers by most fast fashion collabs: Designer X for Chain Store Y items are a big EFF YOU to the average customer’s expectations. You go into GAP to pick up a new dress; you’re probs planning on spending less than $75. You’re thrilled to find a stunner in habotai silk, and – because you’ve shopped at the GAP before – you think you know what to expect, so you don’t look at the price tag until you’re en route to the dressing room. The number $300 catches your eye, and you have to hold the tag up to your face to believe it. A $300 dress? At the fucking GAP?! Bubble burst accomplished. Meh.

The fact that the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund capsule collections are exclusive to GAP’s 5th Avenue ‘Concept Store’ (pretension alert) is no accident. It’s good business. GAP looked at the numbers for last year’s heavily promoted capsule collections – Vena Cava‘s ode to khaki; Alexander Wang‘s study in diaper shorts – realized shoppers nationwide didn’t take the bait, and decided not to waste their dollars advertising unknown designers to people who can’t afford $300 dresses. Limiting the collections to NYC does two things:

(1) Targets a market fashion-obsessed enough to get ripped off at the GAP. (2) Makes it seem special, because *exclusive* implies dwindling supply and excess demand (neither of which actually exist).

Just a hunch.

Bravo, GAP. Also shame on you. :P
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/gap-cfda-vogue-collabs/feed 0 Zac Posen for Target All Kinds of Ick http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/zac-posen-for-target http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/zac-posen-for-target#comments Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:02:14 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=5316 ...keep reading Zac Posen for Target All Kinds of Ick

]]> Fashionista released the first images of Zac Posen for Target last week. Here’s my knee-jerk reaction to a selection of the JPEGs.



The Raincoat – dig the color, cut looks reasonably flattering.

The Ruched Skirt – meh overall, demerits for an in-between length that makes 90% of legs look stumpy. The hat – why?

The Snap Tape Dress – uber original, stellar snap detail, destined to be the rock star of an otherwise mediocre collection. I am, however, wondering how the open, lace-up neckline will respond to the challenge of supporting real, live breasts. Outlook not good.



The Sailor Dress – pattern, length and styling get a plus. The socks/heels combo – heinously distracting to the point of obscuring all the above.

The Ruffled Dress – eyes are burning due to an overly enthusiastic use of ruched tulle. A belated holiday party disaster made more offensive by an audacious $79.99 price tag. Forever 21 a much more reasonable alternative to cheaply-made party garb. Boo.



The Gown – I like the print, but for $69.99? Beotch please.

The Moto Leather Jacket – a $200 offense to eighties style, why spend that at Target when you can get a legit vintage jacket of decent quality for the same amount?

The Tuxedo Skirt – ruined by the bow tie. Like, we get it.

The Tuxedo Bodysuit – What. The. Fuck.

]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/zac-posen-for-target/feed 0 Dressing Room Shots: Uniqlo + J Spring 2010 http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/uniqlo-jilsander-spring http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/uniqlo-jilsander-spring#comments Fri, 15 Jan 2010 20:59:45 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=5280 ...keep reading Dressing Room Shots: Uniqlo + J Spring 2010

]]> Jil Sander x Uniqlo (a.k.a. +J). It did not disappoint. The Spring collection proved more varied than its Winter counterpart, but still managed to maintain Sander’s sleek, minimalist chic.



Egads! I just sounded like a fashion writer there. Gross. Sorry.

I waited in line for approximately five minutes – indoors, which was lovely – before two security guards ok-ed my entry to the cordoned off, white-curtained +J section of the store. It was crowded, but def not to the point of insanity – there was a level of dignity about the place absent from highly-trafficked shopping events a la the Barney’s Warehouse Sale.

+J was and remains the only designer collaboration line I actively covet. I dug ninety percent of what I saw, and had an entire bag of stuff filled twenty minutes into my browse. Pardon the blurriness of the dressing room pics – I snapped fast because I felt like a jackhole for holding up the ten-deep line behind me.







Highlights include, but are not limited to: Blazers ($50-99ish); Trenches ($99-$120ish); Cashmere Cardies ($99ish); Tanks ($15, see next installment); Slim-Fit Trousers ($50, same deal); and the most expertly crafted Button-Down Shirts I have EVER experienced ($40ish). It’s not cheap, particularly in comparison with Uniqlo brand merch. But the quality is there, believe you me.

Most designer collabs are trend-focused, cheaply-made, piss-poor versions of pricier lines. There’s a longevity and versatility about +J that sets it apart from its predecessors, and that’s encouraging. Hopefully they can learn a thing or two from it in the future.

Stay tuned for what I bought. (!!)
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/uniqlo-jilsander-spring/feed 2 Anti-Leather, Anti-Health: Commes des Garcons, The Beatles, and PVC http://cheapjap.com/opinions/beatles-pvc-bags http://cheapjap.com/opinions/beatles-pvc-bags#comments Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:04:33 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3743 Commes des Garcons x The Beatles, so maybe this isn’t the most timely of reactions. Whatever.

I’m not throwing in my nine cents now to bitch about Commes des PouPou’s elitist perversion of the best band ever. That would be stating the

...keep reading Anti-Leather, Anti-Health: Commes des Garcons, The Beatles, and PVC

]]> Commes des Garcons x The Beatles, so maybe this isn’t the most timely of reactions. Whatever.

I’m not throwing in my nine cents now to bitch about Commes des PouPou’s elitist perversion of the best band ever. That would be stating the obvious. No, what concerns me is the collection’s preferred leather alternative; the material used to construct Rei Kawuwhattheeff’s deliberately undesigned Beatles bags. Because I’m not really sure what PVC is.

POP QUIZ: A handbag reflecting Sir Paul McCartney’s vegetarian lifestyle and animal rights activism is also…

(a) a fair-trade-certified product.

(b) an eco-friendly leather alternative.

(c) a threat to human and environmental health.

If you assume (a) or (b), it’s not a mark of naivete. Terms like “animal rights” and “antileather stance” might not explicitly say something’s good for the planet, but they’re too warm and fuzzy for us to fathom otherwise. We assume what’s good for the animals is also good for the earth. At least, that’s what Commes des Garcons and Apple Corps were banking on with their use of PVC: Say it’s good for the animals, don’t say it’s bad for the earth, and consumers won’t notice the discrepancy.



Guess what bitches? I NOTICED.

Greenpeace describes Polyvinyl Chloride – the chemical compound commonly known as PVC – as follows:
PVC (polyvinyl chloride) – often called ‘vinyl’ – is the second most commonly used plastic in the world. It is also the most problematic for the environment.
Oopsies.

PVC’s waterproof, durable, and uber cheap to produce, hence its presence in almost everything we consume. Why the bags cost upwards of $500 EACH, then, is beyond me. It’s a rip-off of epic proportions; then again, it’s high fashion, so bigfuckingsurprise.

The collabs’ redonkulous price points suck balls, but overcharging for cheaply made goods is far from its biggest offense. The real problem with Commes des Garcons x The Beatles? It frames The Poison Plastic as an animal-friendly leather alternative, and conveniently neglects to mention its merch comes with a side order of cancer-causing dioxins.

Want a second reference other than Greenpeace’s toxic site? The Center for Health, Environment and Justice‘s campaign for PVC-Free Schools has a laundry list of facts guaranteed to make you nauseous. Highlights from CHEJ’s ‘Top Ten Reason’s Your School Should Go PVC-Free’ include the following:
Vinyl chloride, the key building block of PVC, causes a rare form of liver cancer, and damages the liver and central nervous system. Vinyl chloride is one of the few chemicals the U.S. EPA classifies as a known human carcinogen.

The formation of dioxin is a major concern in PVC’s lifecycle. Dioxins are a highly toxic group of chemicals that build up in the food chain, cause cancer and can harm the immune and reproductive systems. Awesome. Not.

PVC manufacturing facilities have poisoned workers and fenceline neighbors, polluted the air, contaminated drinking water supplies, and even wiped entire neighborhoods off the map. It’s what Pacific Gas and Electric did to residents of Hinkley, CA in Erin Brockovich, with one glaring exception: It’s global.

PVC packaging has a national recycling rate far lower than other plastics. PVC melts at a lower temperature than its lightweight plastic counterparts. That means when it’s lumped in with soda bottles and such, it burns and creates a resin that downgrades the quality of the recyclable PET* batch. One PVC bottle can contaminate and ruin a recycling load of 100,000 recyclable PET bottles.

PET = Polyethylene terephthalate, i.e. lightweight, recyclable plastic.
PVC isn’t just a shitty excuse for a leather alternative; it’s the why behind why we’re sick and getting sicker. There are steps being taken by Greenpeace and CHEJ to phase out the use of PVC, but it’s slow going.

If the fashion industry wants to survive the recession, it needs to move away from the quick buck that comes from marking up cheaply-made merch, and move toward what’s good for consumers in the long term. We deserve better. And by better, I mean we deserve to not be poisoned by the products we buy.

Commes des Garcons x The Beatles isn’t merely an overpriced exercise in maintaining the status quo – it’s a sketchy PR approach and a dishonest marketing scheme. Focus on PVC’s animal-friendliness, omit proof that it wreaks havoc on our health and our world, create an implied positive where no positive exists, and you can get away with lying to your consumers.

The collabs isn’t a groundbreaking homage to music’s greatest band. It’s merely an example of the luxury goods market’s disregard for those who keep it in business: The shoppers.

Recall, if you will, The Beatles’ benign, peace-loving ‘Revolution’.
But when you talk about destruction Don’t you know that you can count me out
When the Fab Four sang that line, having their legacy splattered across a hazardous, carcinogenic material probably wasn’t what they had in mind.

PVC is the antithesis of everything The Beatles once stood for. That it’s in sync with Sir Paul’s anti-leather stance doesn’t do much to make up for the offense.

I’m all for animal rights. Just not at the expense of human beings.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/opinions/beatles-pvc-bags/feed 3 Rodarte for Target A Nightmare Before Christmas http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/rodarte-for-target http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/rodarte-for-target#comments Mon, 30 Nov 2009 18:21:15 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3920 upcoming collabs with Zac Posen today, and everyone’s flipping their respective nuts. This bean-spillage on behalf of the big box is a highly strategic move: It’s almost enough to distract me from the ‘collection’ slated to launch in a few weeks. Almost.

I read somewhere that ...keep reading Rodarte for Target A Nightmare Before Christmas

]]> upcoming collabs with Zac Posen today, and everyone’s flipping their respective nuts. This bean-spillage on behalf of the big box is a highly strategic move: It’s almost enough to distract me from the ‘collection’ slated to launch in a few weeks. Almost.

I read somewhere that Rodarte for Target was inspired in part by Tim Burton. Perfect. Poetic. The December 20 launch date coupled with the below images is SO Nightmare Before Christmas!

Target and the Rodarte chicks are being all militant about letting the masses see the full collection. We’ll assess the officially released images now, and deal with the rest of the heinousness when I visit the line in stores. Get excited.



The striped shirt gets a meh, as its obvs the least offensive number here. The dead sheep layered on top of it fails to achieve the purpose of all things faux – it’s not fun, it’s not fluffy, and it’s not even remotely exciting. The sleeve length and circumference make the Fat Arm phenomenon all but inevitable. It is a lost lamb of a jacket, and it makes me sad all day.

The skirt appears to be directly jacked from Forever 21′s Twelve by Twelve line, not that I have a problem with that.

What I have a problem with is (a) the length (above-the-knee skirts that aren’t minis flatter approximately no one) and (b) the fact that it’s at least five bucks more than its inspiration. FAIL.



A pre-Halloween Rodarte for Target launch would have made this the best slutty skeleton costume EVER. But post-October, the whole bones on the outside thing just feels kinda done. This is not an edgy, goth-esque mini dress. This is death with sequins. It’s the Suck-Cut of cocktail wear, and it’s sucking my will to live, man.

(That last part was possibly redundant but whatevs. With Wayne’s World quotes, more is more.)

I will def be hitting Target to see the carnage in person – the above is merely an initial gut reaction. For now, I’d like to close with another tidbit re: the inspiration for the store’s latest Designer Collabs.

According to designers Kate and Laura Mulleavy, “Tavi Gevinson defines Rodarte for Target.” The thirteen-year-old Style Rookie‘s a ballsy dresser, fo sho. She also has… the body of a thirteen-year-old. No boobs, no hips, no butt.

It’s the absence of these things that enables runway models and pre-pubescent dolls to wear anything. Rodarte for Target might look fab on them.

Then again, so would a belted trashbag.

I’m just saying.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/rodarte-for-target/feed 2 Jimmy Choo Gives H&M Shoppers Chance to Experience Monetary Guilt http://cheapjap.com/opinions/jimmy-choo-hm-guilt http://cheapjap.com/opinions/jimmy-choo-hm-guilt#comments Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:16:52 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3791 Tamara Mellon, the brand’s founder and president. Her Wikipedia page bears the cautionary warning: This article or section reads like a news

...keep reading Jimmy Choo Gives H&M Shoppers Chance to Experience Monetary Guilt

]]> Tamara Mellon, the brand’s founder and president. Her Wikipedia page bears the cautionary warning: This article or section reads like a news release, or is otherwise written in an overly promotional tone. I freaking love Wikipedia.

To be fair, no trace of blue blood entitlement seems to have resulted from Tamara’s upper crust upbringing; she’s a kickass businesswoman who clearly didn’t view marrying into the Mellon Family as an excuse to stop working. Respect, for reals. She’s also never been broke a day in her life. And when you’re designing for the masses, that’s a serious problemo.

Mellon describes Choo for H&M as “a sophisticated, fashion forward, accessible and glamorous collection – the perfect party pieces to buy now and then wear out that night!”

Firstly: Most twentysomething urbanites don’t have hordes of holiday parties to attend – we’re too strapped for cash to rent out a space, and our apartments are too small to host them ourselves.

Nextly: While some of the individual pieces are more Wet Seal feel than high fashion (jewelry and belts, specifically), most of Mellon’s assessment holds true… except the part about them being accessible. That’s a PR-friendly way of saying affordable, and the collabs – on the whole – is decidedly not.

Peruse the itemized price list with corresponding images, and you’ll see why. Yes, over a third of the collection falls into the $24.95 – $49.95 range, but it’s all jewelry, scarves, belts and coin purses – most of which are trashy as hell, but that’s to be expected of cheaply made accessories.

What’s unexpected is that piece of blue fabric masquerading as fifty dollar neckwear. You want a trendy, jersey-knit scarf, go to a fabric store and buy a $6.00 yard of t-shirt material – doneskies.

The $50.00 – $99.00 section is the realm of the not-cool-enough-to-be-featured-in-the-ad-campaign shoes and bags.

It offers some kinda meh, Tory Burch-wannabe flats for around $70, laughably overpriced things like $99 sequined t-shirts and $60 studded belts (please – you can DIY that shit for ten bucks), animal-print shoulder bags of questionable taste level, and jersey leggings which, somehow, retail for $49.95.

If you specialize in leggings a la American Apparel or Members Only, maybe, MAYBE, you can get away with that. But H&M? Nofuckingway.

Now we move to the $100.00 – $199 block, where some of the refreshingly un-stripper-like shoes start to appear, and I mean that sincerely.

They’re def more sexy than slutty – they’re also, from the looks of it, completely un-walkable.

If I hadn’t broken my ankle in a stilletto-related incident years ago, I might not have a problem paying $149 for a pair. But I still trip up flights of stairs in flat boots; I’m not about to tempt fate by blowing my dough on blister-inducing five-inch heels.

Admittedly, I’m bonkers for the studded snake boots pictured, which are technically part of the men’s line (the very metro men’s line, as it were). I’m not quite so nuts about the $199 beaded, drapey debacle below them. This dress appears to be inspired by Forever 21, and that is some backwards weirdness.

Onto the $249 fringey suede dress… what happened?

Did someone try for Stevie Nicks and end up with a Melba toast version of goth rock instead? Sadface. The cowgirl uncool number brings us to the last and most abhorrent rung of merch: The $200 – $299 group.

At places like Bloomingdales or Saks – places where you walk in prepared for the numbers – $300.00 buys you one pair of over-the-knee boots, or one pair of leather leggings, or one handbag, or one weekender tote. But at H&M? COME ON.

As I understand it, this line is inspired by the holiday season – a time when we’re supposed to buy gifts for others, and then scrape together whatever’s left to buy something for ourselves.

I’m sorry, but a $200 piece of festive, mass-produced party garb isn’t a satiating material fix; it’s a rip off that will inevitably leave you feeling like a Scrooge for having spent that much on one item.

If you’re used to wearing $900 stilettos and $3000 dresses, then yes, $129 strappy sandals and a $249 dress seem like a steal. Alas, for the other 98% of the population, an outfit costing upwards of $400 isn’t a throwaway purchase.

It’s a splurge, an investment… a number that possibly puts us into credit card debt. Shocking, I know.

To be fair, the boutique-esque price points of Choo for H&M are a byproduct of the over-enthusiastic use of real leather. Alas, the collection needed a hearty helping of perspective more than an abundance of cowhide.

My hunch is the bulk of us don’t give a rat’s ass about material authenticity – we’re shopping fast fashion, for fuck’s sake. We just want to know we’re browsing things we can realistically buy.

Jimmy Choo for H&M will probs sell out in select stores carrying it, if only because ‘select’ tends to mean ‘in or near major shopping cities.’

I’m south of New York at the moment, and was planning on viewing the collabs tomorrow at the Atlantic City location. Turns out they’re not even carrying it.

Good decision, H&M. Us Jersey chicks are too savvy for scams.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/opinions/jimmy-choo-hm-guilt/feed 3 Jimmy Choo for H&M Overestimates Its Worth http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/jimmy-choo-for-hm http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/jimmy-choo-for-hm#comments Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:04:50 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3781
This is, of course, horseshit. If fast fashion were about consumer convenience and accessibility, H&M’s How-To Guide for shopping the store tomorrow – ...keep reading Jimmy Choo for H&M Overestimates Its Worth

]]>
This is, of course, horseshit. If fast fashion were about consumer convenience and accessibility, H&M’s How-To Guide for shopping the store tomorrow – Jimmy Choo Day, duh – wouldn’t read like communist propaganda.

Observe:
The first 160 people in line will receive a bracelet; on the bracelet you will be given a specific time for shopping in our designated area… When your time has come, we will let you into the designated area to shop… Every customer can buy the whole collection but with a limitation of buying maximum one per product, i.e. not more than one size (shoes/garments) or piece (accessories) per product per customer… Your place in line does not guarantee any items from the Jimmy Choo for H&M collection.
A bracelet. What am I, chattel? Then I have to wait until my “time has come”? This has all the melodramatic makings of a Greek tragedy.

This is madness! THIS. IS. SPARTA!!! (Except without the gorgeous, badass warrior dudes. So not nearly as fun.)

The addition of Jimmy Choo has H&M thinking it’s McDonald’s in Moscow circa 1990 or something: The well-timed bombardment of ad campaigns, celebrity endorsements and blogosphere buzz makes lines around the block on launch day seem inevitable.

They also make us forget to look at the merch and its price points. Common sense is bad for business.

Numbers aren’t as pretty as skinny models in edgy clubgarb, but they’re a little more relevant to your checking account balance and your life. On that note, let’s move to an excerpt from the official price list on the Jimmy Choo for H&M press site.



The left and right columns denote cost of items in pounds and euros, respectively; the middle numbers are the U.S. dollar amounts. Pardon the small text, but the cryptic Media are never allowed to manipulate, alter or edit H&M’s images in any way warning coupled with the unsettling Legal proceedings will be commenced without further notice in the event of any infringement… apparently means I’ll be sued if I re-size the frame (and/or use Picnik’s “Create” function to slap a phrase like Don’t Buy This Shit on it, which is what I really wanted to do. But I digress.)

I’m in the midst of going through the entire itemized list to determine which wares fall into the what-I-deem-reasonable-for-H&M range of $24.95 – $49.95; which are, at $50 – $99, only a moderately offensive rip off; which cost $100 – $199 and make you forget where you’re shopping and why you’re shopping there; and which cost $200 – $299 and are, as such, a crime against shoppers/humanity/et. al.

Remember people: If it’s an H&M Collabs, H&M manufactures the line, and it’s H&M quality.

The quality of H&M merch isn’t necessarily bad. But it sure as shit ain’t Jimmy Choo.

Stay tuned for the nauseating results of my tallying. Also, an exploration of why girls who grow up rich and marry socialites can’t comprehend accessible fashion for the masses.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/jimmy-choo-for-hm/feed 4 An Alternative to the Kate Moss for Topshop Kimono Dress http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/kate-moss-for-topshop http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/kate-moss-for-topshop#comments Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:45:50 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3695 At $160, it’s a rip off of the heinously offensive ilk. I obvs wasn’t peeved because I planned on buying it; I was tweaking because so many others

...keep reading An Alternative to the Kate Moss for Topshop Kimono Dress

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At $160, it’s a rip off of the heinously offensive ilk. I obvs wasn’t peeved because I planned on buying it; I was tweaking because so many others had, once again, drunk the KateMoss-Aid.

I was still stewing yesterday afternoon, so I took a walk down Broadway, stopped in front of Topshop, and shot the store my bitchiest glare. This did nothing. Then I went across the street to Pearl River Mart, found a $32.50 alternative to the sold-out $160 kimono, and felt a whole lot better.

I admit, some tweaking and scissoring is required to turn Pearl River Mart’s Short Floral Robe into a carbon copy of Kate Moss for Topshop’s overhyped dress. But it can be done. Oh yes, it can be done.

Stay tuned for a video tutorial on DIY-ing your way from a silk robe to a sold-out dress. Word.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/kate-moss-for-topshop/feed 4 Original Alexander Wang Khakis For Less Than Their GAP Price http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/alexander-wang-khaki-gap http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/alexander-wang-khaki-gap#comments Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:15:28 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3645 Wanna know what happens when you charge $200 for glorified athletic shorts? PEOPLE DON’T BUY THEM. Then, you have to rip off one of your old khaki styles and re-design it in cheap, easily outsourced material for the GAP. Tres drag, but hey, collabs like that keep

...keep reading Original Alexander Wang Khakis For Less Than Their GAP Price

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Wanna know what happens when you charge $200 for glorified athletic shorts? PEOPLE DON’T BUY THEM. Then, you have to rip off one of your old khaki styles and re-design it in cheap, easily outsourced material for the GAP. Tres drag, but hey, collabs like that keep you in business. Us fashion peeps are too blinded by your Vogue-endorsed name to notice the instant camel toe effect of your $50 khaki shorts anyway.

Well not me, bub. NOT ME.

That fuzzy designer feeling’s tough to experience with a cooter wedgie, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the original inspiration behind those WangforGAP diaper shorts wasn’t quite as ill-fitting. Said inspiration can currently be seen at Buffalo Exchange.



I didn’t try these on because you disgust me. I did, however, happen to snap a picture of their resale price.



Based on your track record, I’m going to guess you charged upwards of $300 for these puppies once upon a time. And now they’re $34, as in SIXTEEN DOLLARS LESS than that GAP bullshit. Karmic payback’s a beotch, ain’t it?

Mwah!

Cheap JAP
]]> http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/alexander-wang-khaki-gap/feed 6 Stupid Things in Style: Fast Fashion Footwear http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/fast-fashion-footwear http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/fast-fashion-footwear#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:28:19 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3457 Jimmy Choo for H&M and Pierre Hardy

...keep reading Stupid Things in Style: Fast Fashion Footwear

]]> Jimmy Choo for H&M and Pierre Hardy for GAP exist.

Let’s play a little game called What Are You Willing to Pay for Shoes from GAP and/or H&M? I’m willing to pay $50-$75ish, maybe a bit more if the shoes in question are very special (unlikely).

Let’s play another little game called What Would You Do if You Saw a $178 pair of platforms or a $345 pair of boots at either store?

I’d laugh my ass off.

I realize that in comparison with the Choo’s and Hardy’s Original Price Points, the numbers aren’t all that offensive. Here’s what pisses me off: The designer heavyweights behind collabs of this ilk have such hard-ons for their own names, they fail to consider the expectations of the shoppers who frequent the stores with which they’re collaborating.

When I’m shopping for shoes at GAP or H&M, I’m obvs expecting to score something reasonably cute ON THE CHEAP. If I was expecting to pay hundreds of dollars, I’d be shopping the clearance rack at Saks or Barney’s. It’s not effing rocket science – just a smart move for the average label whore.

If names are what you’re wooed by, would you rather pay $178 for Pierre Hardy’s GAP platform, or $394.63 (reduced from $1045) for his infinitely more badass Scuba Pump?

Why pay $345 for Choo’s “cost-friendly” H&M boot, if a hundred bucks more buys you the May Leather Boot ($478 reduced from $1195) from Choo’s namesake line?

Why, indeed.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/fast-fashion-footwear/feed 3 Dressing Room Shots: Uniqlo + J http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/uniqlo-jil-sander http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/uniqlo-jil-sander#comments Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:25:10 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3358 Note: I wrote this on October 1 – the day UNIQLO + J came out – and apparently forgot to hit the Publish button. Can I get a ditz?! Oy. See below.
Today, I pulled the nucking futs move of waiting in line for a look at Uniqlo’s collabs with Jil Sander, ...keep reading Dressing Room Shots: Uniqlo + J

]]> Note: I wrote this on October 1 – the day UNIQLO + J came out – and apparently forgot to hit the Publish button. Can I get a ditz?! Oy. See below.

Today, I pulled the nucking futs move of waiting in line for a look at Uniqlo’s collabs with Jil Sander, UNIQLO + J. Waiting in line for anything turns me into a heinous bitch – I blame the Aquarian impatience – and only a collection as objectively unfuckingbelievable as this one could have snapped me out of it. It is, and it did.

Know the 80 by 20 rule I reference whenever I talk about bitchslapping your wardrobe; the law that says twenty percent of the clothes you own make up eighty percent of your outfits? Nearly every piece of UNIQLO + J could potentially fall into one’s ideal twenty percent – the clothes are that simple, that elegant, and that versatile. Minimalist used to mean a maxed out credit card a la Commes des PooPoo (sorry, Garcons); enter Jil Sander, who finally figured out how to clothe the masses in affordable, understated chic. This shit achieves the “look loaded” component of “shop cheap” more effectively than any collabs I’ve seen to date.

+J’s obvs perfect for now, but there’s something a bit futuristic about it too. Like, if we were the free minds in the Matrix, this is what we’d wear whilst kicking serious agent ass alongside Trinity or something. We wouldn’t look as hot as her because no one’s as hot as Trinity. But we’d look pretty effing stealth, and universally cool.

I didn’t buy anything +J today, not because I didn’t want to, but because I wanted ALL OF IT. (Okayfine, the dresses I could do without, but that’s a point of preference. They just weren’t tight enough for my liking.) I need a few days to process and digest the awesomeness of +J so as to not fully jeopardize the balance of my checking account. But believe you me, I’m going back.

And I’m bringing Mom with me, and asking for an advance on my Chanukah presents.

:P
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/uniqlo-jil-sander/feed 4 Anna Sui for Target Forgets Grammar Check http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/anna-sui-target http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/anna-sui-target#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:43:24 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3242 your own designs really that difficult? Oy.

...keep reading Anna Sui for Target Forgets Grammar Check

]]> your own designs really that difficult? Oy.

I can, on occasion, be too proud to retract an opinion. Oh who are we kidding, I’m a stubborn little beotch, and I went into Target today amped up to give another piss-poor designer collabs effort the verbal bitchslap it surely deserved. Then I tried on a bunch of stuff from Anna Sui’s Gossip Girl-inspired line, and realized I couldn’t knock it.

Like any collection, it has its ups and downs. But on the whole, the majority of it exceeded the only standard I use for determining whether or not something’s worth buying: I have an honest chat with myself and ask, “If this weren’t sanctioned by the hands of X designer, would I love it and wear it anyway?”

Granted, I like nothing more than a solid rant. So let’s start with the bad news first. The Tops portion of Sui’s line ranges from the mediocre to the utterly appalling. Case(s)-in-point: These two outfits.

I’m not sure what’s going on with the vest/cropped pants combo. Having seen the vest up close, I assure you it’s as stupid in person as it is in the pic. The real horror story though, is the black Tulle Tie Top, which I was brave enough to try on. It’s like a netted, short-sleeved cardigan forgot its purpose as a cover-up. The gaping holes created by the ties make it more of a slutter-up. BAH!

Then, there’s the Text Tee – a gimmicky disaster of a long-sleeved shirt bearing the letters BFFLWHLAGSAL.

Best Friend For Life Who Have Lunch And Go Shopping A Lot. I’m sure Gossip Girl’s producers insisted on the inclusion of texts in Sui’s line, and that’s fine – I can excuse shameless promos. I can’t, however, get past shitty grammar.

A Best Friend Has Lunch; Best Friends Have Lunch. This is basic subject-verb agreement here, people. COME ON.

Okay, okay, nitpicking accomplished. Overall, the line doesn’t entirely suck. Stay tuned for the good news.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/retail-fare/anna-sui-target/feed 8 Why Heart Ronson? I’m Confused. http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/i-heart-ronson http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/i-heart-ronson#comments Fri, 21 Aug 2009 20:04:04 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=3017 Charlotte Ronson might very well be a cool chick, but a designer’s ability to surround herself with stylish celebutards doesn’t necessarily mean she knows jack about making clothes. To be fair,

...keep reading Why Heart Ronson? I’m Confused.

]]> Charlotte Ronson might very well be a cool chick, but a designer’s ability to surround herself with stylish celebutards doesn’t necessarily mean she knows jack about making clothes. To be fair, Ronson’s high-end stuff‘s pretty decent; I dig her take on florals and plaids, and she’s got the belted dress thing nailed.

Alas, her first foray into fast fashion, I Heart Ronson, is a far cry from her pricier designs. That’s me being nice.

My honest opinion? It is, hands down, the most pitiful attempt at a “collection” I have EVER seen.

I recently witnessed the horror that is I Heart Ronson up close at JCPenny. The extensive amount of ass-kissing reviews of the line meant I expected to find something worthy of a trip to the dressing room. After a brief browse, I had to double check the tags to make sure I was in the right section of the store. It was a veritable shitshow of boring florals, shapeless plaids, GAP-esque denim, and wannabe badass rocker garb reminiscent of Hot Topic circa 1998.

Where was that fusion of hippie and downtown cool so often ascribed to Ronson herself?

Too partied-out to fully step up, that’s where.

The lameness of I Heart Ronson can’t be comprehended from JPEGS alone, but some in-store research illuminated gnarly cotton, rough poly-blends, and scratchy, immobile denim. It was the tactile embodiment of Cheap, and it grossed me out more than even the sketchiest of Salvation Army’s wares.

If you think I’m being too harsh, take a gander on over to JCP, feel this shit with your own two hands, and try arguing with me. I dare you.

In comparison with I Heart Ronson, Forever 21′s florals and plaids are cuter, cut to flatter and more on-trend. And F21 doesn’t have the audacity to charge $50 for a marginally attractive prairie dress, so there’s another plus. (Oops, sorry, I Heart Ronson dresses now go for around $30. Apparently they weren’t selling at their original price. Bigfuckingsurprise.)

I’m not bitter about the existence of I Heart Ronson; fugly budget wares alone don’t get me this riled up. I’m pissed because everyone seems to have drunk the Ronson-ade and ascribed the characteristics of Charlotte herself to her piss-poor line without actually LOOKING AT THE CLOTHES, which are ugly as sin.

An uber-hip pedigree does not a designer make.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/i-heart-ronson/feed 1 Hussein Chayalan Makes J Brands Even Pricier http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/hussein-chayalan-j-brands http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/hussein-chayalan-j-brands#comments Fri, 31 Jul 2009 20:53:45 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=2791
I don’t know who Hussein Chalayan is, but my hunch is that his recent collabs with J Brand Denim might have something to do with the fact that $752.00 Silk Tops just aren’t flying off the shelves like they used to.
From the overwhelmingly pretentious promotional video

...keep reading Hussein Chayalan Makes J Brands Even Pricier

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I don’t know who Hussein Chalayan is, but my hunch is that his recent collabs with J Brand Denim might have something to do with the fact that $752.00 Silk Tops just aren’t flying off the shelves like they used to.

From the overwhelmingly pretentious promotional video one might gather that self-importance is as In as Skinny Jeans for fall.

Pop Quiz: You’re buying your next pair of J Brands…
(A) At Barneys – Chayalan’s denim effort might cost a little more than the line’s non-collabs jeans, but you’re all about the $250 Skinny.
(B) Online – at Shopbop, you can get the Love Story Flares pictured for $125.30 (reduced from $179). Not a bad denim deal.
(C) At Buffalo Exchange – if Cheap JAP can find the same Love Story Flares at re-sale for TWENTY ONE DOLLARS, there’s gotta be some other fab designer denim options too.
(C) is the obvious choice, and yes, I did. I’m in Jersey for the weekend and forgot my effing camera, so stay tuned for pics and tag proof. Booyahkashaaaaa.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/hussein-chayalan-j-brands/feed 4 Design Editions A Khaki Disaster http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/design-editions-khaki http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/design-editions-khaki#comments Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:42:19 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=2370 ...keep reading Design Editions A Khaki Disaster

]]> Alexander Wang and Vena Cava for GAP Design Editions, so I figured I’d hit the 54th Street location to see what all the fuss was about. Trying some stuff on (and surreptitiously snapping pics in the dressing room, natch) gave me a better idea. Where dresses and outerwear are concerned, the hype surrounding these collections seemed legit enough.

I seriously dug Wang’s khaki bomber jacket, and found Vena Cava’s dresses equally well-made and flattering. The pockets nearly won me over.

But the bottoms. Sweet Jesus, the bottoms.

The Vena Cava slim-fit pant was all kinds of icky for many reasons. The waist hit directly at the belly-button, which meant muffin top for anyone with even the slightest amount of tummy pudge. The crotch made the risk of camel-toe palpable. And the designer’s name scrawled in various places on the legs seemed excessive, as did the purposeless ankle zippers.

Where Wang’s pleated number’s concerned, I have two words for you: Diaper shorts.

Onto the price points. In comparison with a $795 Velvet Motorcycle Jacket, an $88 khaki bomber is reasonable enough. Ditto for an $88 dress in comparison with its $500 high-end counterparts.

Alas, eighty eight is a number I reserve for items like shoes. Not an amount to be spent on something from the GAP, particularly if everyone and their Mom is going to be wearing it. Thanks, but no thanks.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/oy-vey/design-editions-khaki/feed 6 Stella McCartney For Adidas…You Seriously Wanna Mess With Me? http://cheapjap.com/resale/stella-mccartney-for-adidas http://cheapjap.com/resale/stella-mccartney-for-adidas#comments Mon, 16 Feb 2009 21:56:26 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=1653 ...keep reading Stella McCartney For Adidas…You Seriously Wanna Mess With Me?

]]> If I had limitless funds with which to shop and zero qualms about paying upwards of $150 for sweatshirts, I’d buy the Stella McCartney for Adidas line in its entirety and make it my pounding-on-my-keyboard uniform. This wouldn’t be a massive departure from the glorified dancewear that currently serves as my blogging attire (American Apparel leggings, wifebeaters, legwarmers, off-shoulder sweaters); I’d just look a little more Now and a little less Flashdance. Not that there’s anything wrong with the latter.

Until I saw her Adidas effort, I interpreted Stella’s ‘Fashion’ career as symptomatic of My Dad’s A Beatle So I Have Enough Dough To Pretend I Know How To Design Clothes Syndrome. Erroneous! That girl knows her shit, bigtime. Every piece not only flatters the female form (a refreshing departure from designers like MJ whose clothing only flatters already-flat chests and straight torsos, i.e. MEN), but also boasts extreme versatility.

The Tennis Performance Dress could easily double as a casual summer cocktail number; the Run Performance Tee and the Yoga Performance Tank would look as hot with heels as they do with sneakers or bare feet; the Dance Knit Shorts paired with tights and boots would make a killer combo.

Oh, except the tops range from $75 to $85 EACH, the shorts go for $80, and the dress is $175. Oy VEY. I fucking love this line so much it HURTS… at least that was the case before I found this Stella McCartney for Adidas sweatshirt at Beacon’s Closet for $21.95.

Stella + Adidas: I heart your stuff. Unfortunately for you greedy assbags, I’ve got the skillz to find it sans retail mark-up and will henceforth never, ever pay full price. Enjoy the Recession, you overcharging little jackholes, you.
]]> http://cheapjap.com/resale/stella-mccartney-for-adidas/feed 3 McQueen at Consignment Cheaper than McQueen for Target http://cheapjap.com/consignment/mcqueen-skirt http://cheapjap.com/consignment/mcqueen-skirt#comments Fri, 23 Jan 2009 16:04:13 +0000 Cheap JAP http://cheapjap.com/?p=1530 ...keep reading McQueen at Consignment Cheaper than McQueen for Target

]]> Pip’s Consignment last week, I photographed this item of note:

This $50 flared corduroy number’s funky-fab vibe is similar to McQueen’s plaid miniskirt, except the latter goes for $255 on Bluefly (‘ultimate hook-up’ my ASS).

Okay, okay, McQueen at consignment is obvs cheaper than new McQueen – it’s resale, duh – but how does it compare to Alexander McQueen for Target? Surely, a skirt from his Target line must be cheaper… Right?

Technically, yes. The High-Waist Gore Skirt from his Target “collection” retails for $49.99 and as such, is a whopping one cent cheaper than the pale pink, corduroy, flared number I found at Pip’s.

I mean, it’s not nearly as unique or environmentally-friendly as its resale counterpart, but it saves you one whole cent!

Pfft.
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