CheapJAP

Oy Vey!

More BS from The Little Grey Book

Today, let’s see what the gospel according to La Nina has to say about jewelry, specifically which pieces we MUST own. Please Nina, save us from our unadorned selves!

Nina Says: Statement Necklace, Pearl Necklace, Bangles, Cuff, Cocktail Ring, Signet Ring, Turquoise and Coral Jewelry, Brooch, Hoop Earrings, Charm Bracelet, Watch AND Diamond Studs.
Cheap JAP Says: For serious, nothing mucks up an outfit like too much jewelry, and Nina’s asinine assertion that every stylish woman must own all of the above is merely the unfortunate result of her needing to fill space in her “book.” I haven’t worn a charm bracelet since I was twelve, and what the eff is a signet ring?! Apparently, “the classic version has your family crest.” What, did family crests repeal the No-Jews-Allowed policy?
Per The Grey Book’s non-WASPy jewelry musts, I’m with her on one out of twelve: Diamond Studs. With the hint of a sparkle, these little puppies alone have the power to make your cheap ass look loaded all. the. time. The other crap is only a MUST insofar as it’s a must for YOU, girlfriend. An oversized men’s watch from a thrift store rocks just as hard as a Cartier if you wear it with pizazz. Hoop earrings are a fun, slightly naughty touch to most outfits (and if you’re from Jersey like me, you already own at least four pairs).

Bottom line? Don’t ever stress about jewelry; the best stuff usually finds you in the form of familial generosity. Like when you graduate from college and your grandmother opens up her jewelry box and says, “Pick one.”

Cheap JAP 101

Dress It Down a Notch

Soooo, I recently read Eccentric Glamour. I enjoyed it so much that it pains me to call it a style guide, as that puts it in really icky company (see yesterday’s post). In the spirit of the book - and of wearing fun, fabulous clothes regardless of occasion, season and/or trends - I pulled some seriously under-worn dresses out of my closet.

I don’t have many occasions in my day-to-day life that necessitate dressing up. To this, Simon Doonan would likely say, “Life is the occasion! Wear a tutu to the Whole Foods and twirl for the fishmongers! Be bold!” and in a way, he’s right. I’m just not glamorously eccentric enough for that (yet). If I’m going to wear my party duds in broad daylight and not feel like I’m on a walk of shame, I need them dressed down.

This Forever 21 navy button-down tied over my BCBG Party Frock casual-izes (ooh, new word!) the dress. And the beat-up motorcycle boots do a nice job of saying I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-what-you-think-of-my-outfit.

More dressed down creations to come.

Oy Vey!

The Little Grey Book of BS

Oooh wait…sorry, that was the title of Nina Garcia’s first foray into the world of real, live, books. I didn’t read it. I did, however, have a momentary lapse of sanity in Barnes and Nobles a few weeks ago that resulted in my purchasing “The One Hundred: A Guide to the Pieces Every Stylish Woman Must Own.” What prompted me to give this fluff the time of day was def the “must” - I mean, it sounds scary, doesn’t it? There are ONE HUNDRED pieces out there that I MUST own?! Oh Nina, show me the way!

Turns out, the number of pieces every stylish woman must own is far from one hundred. Because, for the Cheap JAP, two of the almost-same thing means only buying one. Here’s how I’ve trimmed the list.

Nina Says: Vans AND Converse
Cheap JAP Says: One pair of cool, casual sneaks is more than enough.
The gospel according to La Nina deems Converse “the shoe that the models are always wearing when they walk out of shoots and that every downtown girl wears in her downtime.” To me, this means they should be boycotted entirely - who the eff wants to look like everyone else? Vans are a little more interesting, a lot more badass, and conjure up fond memories of my middle school skater grrl days. Sk8-Hi Special Fabric Vans, $65.

Nina Says: Caftan AND Sarongs
Cheap JAP Says: What, not everyone takes warm-weather vacations five times a year? Come on, Nina. As Sarongs look ridiculous sans beach and bikini, they’re decidedly not a piece one MUST own. Caftans (think really long muumuu) can be belted, dressed up with heels, and/or thrown on with big hoop earrings when one feels too bloated for anything else. You do the math.

Nina Says: Cable-Knit AND Cashmere
Cheap JAP Says: I’m not trying to look like a schoolteacher. I’m trying to look loaded, goddammit.
If you’ve got a penchant for preppy-chic, Cable-Knit Sweaters can be easily found at thrift stores, Goodwills, Salvation Armies et. al. But if we’re talking MUSTs here, it’s Cashmere, all the way.

Especially if it’s a 100% Cashmere Beige Shrug (originally $495) snagged at Barney’s Warehouse Sale for $119.

Stay tuned for more ways to make this gratuitous list applicable to reality. Now, that’s a MUST.

Cheap JAP 101

Fashion Myths: Denim Trends

Sooo it’s almost August, which means it’s time to freak out about Fall Denim. What ever will you do with the the Boyfriend, the Wide Leg, the Bold Color and the Super Skinny styles of yesteryear?! Are they all, like, sooo last season? Fear not, my little chickies. Jeans are a worthy splurge for a reason: Even the trendier styles stay In, season after season. Unfortunately, brand-whoring fashion mags like to use different names for the same thing to dupe you into buying more jeans (as IF your JAPtastic ass doesn’t already own ten uber-In pairs). Here’s a guide to the adjective-heavy denim “trends” designed to make you second guess what’s in your closet. [Thanks in advance to Lucky and ELLE for regurgitating each other’s style tips].

Lucky How To Wear Your Denim Guide, 2008 - Sleek Silhouette
ELLE Denim Trends Fall 2007 - The Skinny Jean
Lucky’s also a fan of Super-Skinny Jeans - apparently, slapping on a superlative distinguishes the trend from ELLE’s Skinny Jean of 2007. The Lucky eds suggest pairing a fitted, sleeveless top with skinny jeans to achieve the Sleek Silhouette look; those of us with boobs know the potential slut-factor of going tight all over. To each her own.
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