CheapJAP

Economic Shitstorm

The Cheap Jean Scene

It was only when I started getting unsolicited compliments on my Forever 21 jeans that I let go of my inner label whore enough to wear them with pride. Now look, I heart JAPtastic denim as much as the next brand snob, but not enough to pony up $200 every time I want new pants. Here’s how to navigate the world of low-cost jeans without looking like a wannabe or (gasp!) even remotely cheap.

Beware the Back Pocket

Know why brands like True Religion, Citizens of Humanity, Joe’s, Sevens, et. al. get to charge upwards of $200 for their goods? Because of that label you’re so eager to slap on your ass. In an effort to compete with coveted labels, reasonably priced denim companies often attempt to mimic horseshoes, JJ’s and such; buying into this is akin to ponying up for a fake Louis Vuitton on Canal.

With cheap jeans, simplicity is queen; the less design-y crap, the better. DKNY and Levi’s know how to not junk up the trunk. Levi’s 505 Straight-Leg Jean, $34.99; DKNY Stretch Soho Boot Cut Jean, $59.99

Mind the GAP

The GAP’s apparel bores me to tears, but they’ve been making reasonably priced jeans for years - Respect. And where style and fit are concerned, they’ve come a loooong way.

If you’re one of those paranoid jean freaks who believe cost relates to quality, these are for you: Still under $100 and totally well-made.

GAP Super Bell Jeans, $78; GAP Grey Trouser Jeans, $69.50.

Color Me Trendy
Jeans embellished with rhinestones, zippers and/or glitter tend to always look trashy, be they Versace or Bebe. Conversely, colored denim and/or trendy jean styles (uber-high-waisted, super flare, baggy boyfriend, etc.) look fab on the cheap.

It is generally considered unwise to purchase expensive experimental denim, as hot pink jeans probs won’t do it for you next year. Go to funkytown with Forever 21 instead.

Forever 21 High-Waist Straight Leg Jean, $22.80; Forever 21 Ria Skinny Jean, $29.80.

Classics Rock
Some brands are above trends and/or the temptation to jack their prices; they remain timeless, and eternally cool. Calvin Kleins, Levi’s, and Guess - the upside-down triangle era Guess - come to mind. Heart these eighties throwbacks here.

GUESS Beverly Jean, $89.

Cheap JAP 101

Brand Wars: GAP Versus Old Navy

Now, I’m using Old Navy for price-point comparison here. This is not to suggest that the brand doesn’t have its fair share of boring and/or nausea inducing clothing. But while Old Navy’s hit or miss, it’s got one thing going for it that GAP better embrace, and fast, if it continues to produce the crap currently on its racks: Old Navy’s always cheap. And - more often than not - it still manages to be cuter than its overpriced comrade.

Button-Front Sweater Vest, GAP, $58. Women’s Striped Boyfriend Cardigan, Old Navy, $26.50. Added Bonus: Striped option does not make wearer look ten lbs heavier. Next.
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Oy Vey!

Why I Hate The GAP

For some reason, I associate The GAP with the coming of Fall. Perhaps this is because I shopped there for first-day-of-school outfits when I was fifteen and didn’t know how to dress. When I stopped in the other day and wasn’t just disappointed; I was appalled. If the chain’s tiresome neutrals, conservative shapes and ho-hum basics were as cheap as they are fugly, I’d be more forgiving. Here’s what a complete lack of imagination is worth, according to GAP: This dress - this heinous, ill-fitting, brown bag of a dress - costs $58.00. Stay tuned for more overpriced/underachieving fashion, courtesy of the schoolteacher’s brand of choice.

Oy Vey!

I saw something shocking whilst flipping through the latest Lucky. Pictured in the “Lucky Girl” feature - you know, that page where they show a selection of a 22-year-old PR associate’s wardrobe (you ain’t buying $350 tops on that salary, girlfriend, I don’t care what Lucky says) - was a $190 handbag. As I deem handbags a worthy splurge, my problem wasn’t with the price. It was with the brand. This tote wasn’t Hype, Tano, Fracesco Biasia, or any other legit bag brands that retail for around $200. It was from The GAP.

What the FUCK is GAP doing selling $200 handbags?! If I’m going to blow a few hundred on a bag, you best believe it won’t be as mass-produced and totally vanilla as the shit they sell at GAP. Continue reading →