CheapJAP

Economic Shitstorm

The Goliath of Goodwills Versus…ME.

En route from my tailor the other day, strutting down Flatbush Avenue Ext., I stumbled across the biggest Goodwill I have ever seen. As I assessed the interior, I was overwhelmed by a mixture of awe, trepidation and nausea not unlike what I experienced on my last trip to Century 21. If I couldn’t find something, ANYTHING, in this vast, Motley Crue of castoffs, it would call the entirety of my secondhand shopping prowess into question, and that was sooo not happening. So I put on my headphones, got in the zone and - to the tune of Feed the Animals - tackled the place rack by rack.

Looks like two pairs of colored jeans and a patterned dress, right? WRONG. So effing wrong. Drum roll, please.

Marc Jacobs, Built by Wendy and Lily Pulitzer, respectively. ‘Nuff said.

I’m well aware that scoring at Salvation Army and/or Goodwill is rare; the bigger the outlet, the harder it gets. The only reason I uncover the pearls in these seas of fugliness, time and time again, is practice. While I neither expect nor recommend that you spend as much time in the field as I do, one hour per week going through the racks at your resident beacon of charity castoffs does wonders for your shopping skillz. Slowly back away from The Hills (that’s what DVR is for!), get your ass off the couch, and give it a whirl. Seek and ye shall find, young Skywalkers. Seek and ye shall find.

Cheap JAP 101

Little Black Dress, Little Fab Price

The LBD is oft referred to as an Investment Piece by industry peeps who write coffee table books to con us into spending more money.

Um, negative.

I’m all for rocking a staple like a little black dress, but staple isn’t synonymous with Investment Piece.

I know this because my staple of an LBD cost me forty bucks at H&M.

And don’t give me that oh-it-won’t-last-because-it-was-cheap crap; I’ve worn this thing continually for a solid three years.

It still looks new, and, as I discovered yesterday while dressing for a meeting, it’s not just a stand-alone piece - it’s fab layered over stuff too! (In this case, my Ann Taylor blouse ($12.99 at Goodwill) and Urban tights.
Also pictured: Michael Kors pumps ($21.95 at Beacon’s), Mom’s brown belt.)

How could you not hire this punim?!

Economic Shitstorm

The Top Five Lamest Excuses to Not Shop at Goodwill

Every girl loves a bargain; it should logically follow that every girl frequents her local Goodwill (and/or Salvation Army) in search of the best deals in fashion. Unfortunately, we’re used to shiny, new shit. So we’ve got an arsenal of excuses as to why we don’t patronize these beacons of thrift. And they’re all worthless and weak. (Now drop and give me twenty!).
“They don’t have the brands I like.”
Really. So you don’t like Laundry, Tahari, Bebe, Club Monaco, J.Crew, Banana Republic, GAP, H&M, BCBG, et. al? How bout this Intermix top that cost me six dollars? Goodwill’s got brands to burn - you just gotta look, lazy face. The fact that my Goodwill’s in NYC doesn’t necessarily mean it has a better selection than yours; New York is home to the savviest of stylemongers, so you can bet my finds have already been picked through by other beotches. And I STILL score.

“I mean, those are, like, other people’s clothes.”
No shit Sherlock. Lots of you who won’t deign to shop at Goodwill either have or would donate your old clothes to the same place. Wouldn’t people be lucky to buy and wear the fab stuff you’ve tired of? I thought so. Yes, there’s an abundance of worn-out, fugly apparel. But there’s also tons of clothing about as worn-in as - and I’m projecting here - that pricey, going-out top you *needed* that still has its tags. (We all have that top, btw ;).

“It’s too disorganized for me to find anything.”
Okay, I kind of feel you on this. Kind of. Goodwill doesn’t care if you’re a Forever 21 or a Juicy Couture or a Theory - you’re all going to hang together in harmony, regardless of where you came from or what you originally cost. And in this way, it’s the great equalizer of all things Fashion. Being forced to sift through things not according to trend or brand but according to category and color illuminates something the Industry banks on you never realizing: It’s all just stuff. In one world, it’s a pastel, cable-knit, Theory sweater. In another, it’s just a pink top. And it’s in the pink top section with all the other pink tops.
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I Love A Good Story

Dressed Up to Get Lucky - Outfit #2

Mmmkay, here’s another look in the spirit of Lucky Mag’s Dress Up Your Denim Challenge. (With the same Forever 21 jeans, in the spirit of Cheap JAP).

Jacket, Ralph Lauren Purple Label, (a gift!); Lace top, Goodwill, $12.99.

Boots, MICHAEL Michael Kors, $295 (Oy!); “Chanel” clip-ons, thieved from Mom’s jewelry drawer, $0.

I’m not sure if it’s dressy enough to fit the bill. Probs because I’m not showing much skin, and I never really feel dressed up if I’m not showing any skin. This tendency will not bode well for me once I’m in my thirties.

I am sure that it rocks. Then again, it’s rare that I don’t feel that way about my outfits. Convincing yourself that THIS outfit is the BEST OUTFIT EVER every time you get dressed requires a zen-like focus, but it’s a pretty nifty trick once you’ve mastered it.

I should also mention that said trick requires a penchant for delusion and a slightly crazed obsession with material things. I’m just saying.

Nifty Thrifty

Elie Tahari for Goodwill. Bah!

Alright beotches, here it is: The Epically Cheap Elie Tahari Blazer as part of an outfit. Said outfit also includes a classy white button down (Banana Republic Outlet, thank you Jersey) and even classier Shiny Leggings. Riiiiight.

I think the length of the jacket tames the sexiness of the leggings quite nicely. I also think I must have had to pee when I struck that second pose.

Whatevs.

Nifty Thrifty

Zara Blazer, Goodwill Price

What, you thought I only scored one fab jacket on my latest trip to Goodwill?

I paid $13.49 for this little Zara number. No big deal.

Poplin Cross-Front Dress, American Apparel, $36; Polka Dot Tights, Urban Outfitters, $14ish; Pumps, Guess, $60ish last year if memory serves.

Uber-vain bitchface not included

Nifty Thrifty

Crazy Pants, Two Ways

These Bebe adjustable cropped capris cost me all of $7.99. Goodwill is my latest Mecca.

(…probs shouldn’t say that on Yom Kippur…oopsies!)

With pants that have so much going on - what with the seamline ruching, cargo pockets, black contrast buttons and elastic toggle adjusters - you gotta tone down the rest of your bad self.

I paired these with a black Theory tank ($7) and a Barneys cashmere-blend sweater ($69), (snagged at the Intermix sample sale and Barney’s Warehouse Sale, respectively).

Then I added Converse sneaks and gray tights, and wore the getup on my walk to work, where the kitchen dudes snickered at me. Whatevs.

The pants allow for so much mobility that I covered the distance between Park Slope and Boerum Hill faster than usual, shaving 90 seconds off my best speedwalking time!

Now, just because something’s comfortable doesn’t mean it can’t be dressed up. If we’re going to be fiscally responsible, we must have an arsenal of ways to wear what’s in our closet.
To the capris, I added my trusty black boots, the same black Theory tank, and a cashmere, fur-trimmed, ludicrously expensive sweater thing stolen from Mommy’s Closet.

And now, the real reason I bought these pants:

Because they make me wanna DANCE!

I Love A Good Story

Where There’s a (Good) Will…

Now, I don’t like to brag; anyone who knows me personally can attest to my exemplary modesty in shopping and in life (HA!). Alas yesterday, whilst leaving no hanger unturned at Goodwill, I paused to admire my armfull of Goodies (henceforth, all Goodwill finds will be known as such) and thought:

I am effing awesome at shopping.

Yup; my fancy, overpriced, liberal arts education has brought me to this conclusion. (Sorry Dad).

Shopping at Goodwill is a test of faith. Sooo deep, right?! But for serious. We don’t just love to shop cheap because it’s fiscally responsible. We love it for the thrill of the score. What you see here is an olive-plaid, button-front, velvet-trimmed Tahari blazer - an item that, given its brand, would retail for $400 and change - for $12.99. What you don’t see is the heavy lifting that went into finding this piece (and not just figuratively speaking; I was hauling around fifteen or so garments when I found it). Right before I entered the dressing room, after 45 minutes spent wreaking havoc on the racks, the score caught my eye. I didn’t need another blazer, but COME ON.

I’m not schpieling for accolades (eh fine, maybe a little) - I do have a point. When I hit Goodwill, there was no this-stuff’s-gross, no I-wish-I-was-at-Barneys and no I-hope-I-find-something-decent. Instead, I was thinking, “I WILL SELL THIS HOUSE TODAY” except with buying clothes.

A score like this blazer wouldn’t be any fun if it was the first thing I’d found. I put the time in, I left no stone unturned, and it paid off in the form of a Cheap JAPtastic piece as I knew it would. It will continue to pay off when I get compliments on the it and get to brag about - err, I mean, disclose - the fact that it was $12.99.

When the going gets tough and you’re ready to throw in the towel (i.e. hightail it uptown and open a Saks account), remember: Shopping cheap and looking loaded is like baseball, and I’m your Jimmy Dugan.

It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.

Nifty Thrifty

Goody Goody Goodwill

On a tip from a reader, I made my first pilgrimage to Goodwill this week - the one on 23rd between 2nd and 3rd Avenues.

Now, look beotches. I don’t know how many of you live in the greater New York Metropolitan Area, I don’t know how many of you have big enough cojones to shop at Goodwills here or elsewhere, but it’s got to be more than this one fabulous person who finally nudged me toward what just might be the Beacon’s Closet of not-for-profit retail stores. It’s about effing time someone fessed up.

So, Goodwill, like other stores of its ilk, involves a significant amount of digging. You must prod through the donated merch, hanger by hanger, if you want to find anything decent. This seems an arduous task until you see that first JAPtastic label (in this case, a purple chiffon Laundry top, (size XL - bollacks)).
Suddenly, you’re not shopping so much as hunting for buried brand-name treasures (back off from that J.Crew blazer! Arggh!).

This particular Goodwill was well lit, organized (mostly by gender and color), clean (relatively speaking) and - drumroll please - it had dressing rooms!

Among my first finds; a white, off-shoulder tee (Banana Republic, $4.99); a 100% silk, cream-and-black-dotted blouse (Ann Taylor, $12.99); and a ridiculously fabulous lace dress which I have since turned into a long top ($12.99).

Outfits to follow, as per usual. (Read: After everything gets dry-cleaned).