CheapJAP

Oy Vey!

When I’m Wrong, I’m Only Sort of Wrong?

From Rita re: H&M Drinks the Kool Aid:
So, I looked at the website that you linked to, and you seem to have missed that the prices given are in Hong Kong dollars- 1 US dollar is approx. $7.75 Hong Kong dollars. Therefore, that dress is actually $166 dollars, and those penis shorts are approximately $66…

Clearly these are a bit higher than the usual H&M fare, but the designer did make the point that she tried to make these clothes with the same care she puts into her regular comme des garcons collection.

The point is, you can get a lot of things for low prices at forever 21 and h&m, but avant garde fashion really isn’t one of them. And yes, perhaps not everyone can afford even the h&m comme des garcons clothes, but I doubt that lower prices would significantly make more people buy them.
@ 7:18 pm on October 13th, 2008

DAMMIT! I KNEW that rant was too good to be true. And I thought my uber righteous anger was justified. Fine, Commes des Pou-Pou for H&M’s prices aren’t quite as ridiculous as the Hong Kong dollars led me to believe. Whatever. Those shorts are still penis shorts.

(Thanks to Rita, KD and co. for setting the record straight).

Oy Vey!

H&M Drinks the Kool-Aid

I try not to waste my time on shit I can’t afford, so I’m only vaguely familiar with Commes des Garcons. I brushed up on my knowledge of asexual, monochromatic clothing when I heard about the label’s collabs with H&M (Commes des Garcons means “like boys,” and boy, does it show!). Seems like this uber high-end line wants to go mainstream in a big way.

And nothing says “mainstream” like a $700 polka-dot cardigan.

When I saw what Commes des Garcons plans on charging for their H&M debut, I assumed the decimal points had been erroneously omitted. That black velvet dress couldn’t possibly be $1290…could it?

Look, Commes des Whatever, I don’t give a fuck what you charge at your Guerrilla stores. You want to do a line that masquerades as reasonably priced high fashion, kudos to you. You can even pretend that women will pay $499 for shorts that make them look like they have penises. But you cannot, and will not, do it on my turf.

H&M is Cheap JAP country. I don’t shop there to have my hopes dashed by clothing that costs what I might spend on a massive leather handbag: If I find something fabulous, I presume it’s something I can afford too. This is NOT an unreasonable expectation for a chain that “offers fashion and quality at the best price.” At least it wasn’t, until Commes des Crap arrived on the scene.

Shame on you, H&M, for promoting a line that’s an insult to 98% of shoppers who patronize your store; to us gals who love clothes but can’t pay for high fashion. You just put the “H” in hypocrisy. Ohhh Snap!

Cheap JAP 101

Still Jumpin’ for Jumpers? Just Add Tights.

I looooove jumpers. I thought I was going to have to say goodbye to my fave onesies till next year, and that made me sad.

Then I paired them with tights, and realized that jumpers on their own are fun, but jumpers layered over other stuff are even funner!

Remember that H&M number I bought on a whim? After wearing it by itself all summer, I tried it with a gray, spandex-y BCBG tee, elastic black-and-gold belt (from Urban, like eight bucks on sale) and black tights.

I added black tights to the Crazy Denim Jumper from Beacon’s Closet, too.

With a blue-and-white pinstripe button down and Mom’s riding boots, I think it looks better this way than by itself.

(Though, with floral-embroidered denim jumpers, one really never knows).

Cheap JAP 101

Snipped Sleeves

Most upscale waitressing gigs require button-down shirts. This blows almost as hard as working on the opposite schedule of everyone I know.

At my last job, I accumulated nine or so white button-downs but noooo, I can’t wear them at my current one because we have to wear gray or black ones. When I haven’t worn something in a while, I don’t immediately chuck, donate or sell it. I hit it with some fabric scissors first.

Henceforth, what was once a white BDS (H&M, like $20) is now a cute short-sleeved blouse, to be worn alone or over long-sleeved knits when it gets nippy out.
Also a nice preppy balance to my funky 80%20 boots and thrifty Picadilly jeans.

(Belt, courtesy of Mom. Ability to “fit” into too-tight jeans by using wire hanger to yank up zipper, courtesy of Grandmom ;)).

I Love A Good Story

Change Outfit, Change ‘Tude

Last week, I made the mistake of wearing tight white booty shorts in stifling humidity. The outfit itself was fine, as I’d paired them with a button-down, oversized men’s shirt (belted, obvs, one must always maintain one’s silhouette) wedges, and aviators - standard badass. But after hours on my feet, from Soho to Union Square, up and down Broadway, in and out of stores, (I slave for you peeps, really I do), I wasn’t just “glowing” from the weather; I was experiencing some serious, heat-induced perma-wedgie. I was uncomfortable with my clothes AND myself (nooo!), exhaustified, and livid that I’d wasted forty minutes at Filene’s. As I was meeting my friend Krip in an hour’s time, I needed a new outfit and a new ‘tude, and fast. I mustered the strength for one more store and a few more blocks, and found myself at H&M on Fifth.

This black jumper was $34.99 - not half bad for an entire outfit. Continue reading →

Navigatrix

Shopper’s Lust - Resistance is Futile

I do the bulk of my shopping in person, so it’s rare that a JPEG alone inspires that want-it-need-it-have-to-have-it-feeling that inevitably results in the purchase of a particular item. But after last week’s Designer Slumdown, I couldn’t shake my shopper’s lust for the H&M + Marimekko dress. I had to see it. I had to touch it. I had to try it on. I have to stop equating shopping with sex if I ever want to get laid. Anyway.

Not all H&M’s are created equal; in my experience, the one on 59th and Lex puts its counterparts to shame. My Marimekko was as good as its photo promised, albeit missing a price tag. I assumed it was around $50 - not so. $69.95. Oy vey.

I generally loathe the idea of spending more than $50 on one item. But when it’s something you can’t stop thinking about, the frustration of not having it is infinitely more agonizing than shelling out an extra $20.

Yes, we’re still talking about a dress.

Hots and Nots

DESIGNER SLUMDOWN: Rogan Gregory vs. Marimekko

Hey high-end designers! Think you can bullshit your way through your budget line and get away with it? Think again! Every week (or whenever I feel like it), Designer Slumdown pits the wallet-friendly lines of two high-end designers against each other, and sees who slums it best.

Rogan Gregory for Target vs. H&M x Marimekko

Sooo, the much anticipated, Barney’s-sanctioned Rogan Gregory for Target line hit the racks last week. I haven’t had the horror of viewing the line up close, but based on the leopard trashfest pictured at right, it’s not worth any of our time. This number is skankier than the worst of Forever 21, 100% silk or no. Someone over at Rogan Gregory clearly confused slumming it right with slutting it out, as the dress looks a hell of a lot cheaper than its $39.99 price tag.
The Marimekko option pictured at left puts the Rogan Gregory to shame in more than one capacity. It’s not just uber cute and classy; its length, print and cut make it (gasp) totally In. This dress runs for around ten bucks more than its competitor - even so, $50 is a fairly low price to pay for high style of this ilk.
My biggest problemo with Roland Gregory for Target is that it perpetuates the bullshit idea that if you can’t spend big, you can’t look of-the-moment. When was an animal-print, silk t-shirt dress ever a coveted item? What a crock.
And the best slummer is…Marimekko. By an effing landslide.

Cheap JAP 101

A Denim Addendum

When I think “discount denim,” I see stonewashed, long-crotched, baggy-assed Lees paired with wigwams and scrunchies somewhere in middle America. This is perhaps why it’s taken me so effing long to find pants like these. I’ve been on the hunt for high-waisted flares ever since I realized I was finally thin enough to wear this style without experiencing muffin-top syndrome.
When I found these jeans in H&M, I assumed that they’d look and fit like budget denim once I tried them on. Not so. They made me look and feel like a Charlie’s Angel; my squeals of glee def freaked out the employees in the dressing room vicinity. Continue reading →

Cheap JAP 101

The Lone Star Theory of Shopping

Shopping’s the sheez, fo sho. But it requires serious energy that we sometimes can’t muster. This doesn’t mean shopping should be reserved for when we’re at our most bright-eyed and bushy-tailed; it just means we need a way to navigate around exhaustion, PMS, boy drama and/or any other hindrances to our purchasing prowess. When we find ourselves tired, pissed off and confounded by choices, we must employ The Lone Star Theory of Shopping.

The Lone Star Theory is designed for those times when you find yourself wanting to buy something, anything really, but in no mood to putz around trying on things for fun. Those who believe that shopping whilst in a foul mood inevitably results in buyer’s remorse are clearly unfamiliar with the Lone Star Theory. Why, you ask? Because inherent in the Lone Star Theory is a protection against impulse buys. Continue reading →

Love With Hate Icing

The Top Five Looks that get you Kissed and not Roofied on New Years Eve

OMG, New Years! Aren’t you, like, soo excited?! I mean, there’s an entire website devoted to the Eve, where you can conveniently purchase overpriced tickets to booze at underwhelming bars - yaay!
Barf. New Years Eve is perhaps the most asinine holiday ever, second only to Valentine’s Day in forcing people to settle for ugly, mediocre hook ups. Of course, you’ll be out with the masses anyway; a good Cheap JAP never forgoes an opportunity to dress up. When the clock strikes midnight, I’ll be stuck in waitress garb serving the dessert course (and hopefully $42 glasses of ‘96 Veuve), so you bitches better look uber awesome for my sake.
New Years obvs promotes slutting it out, wardrobe-wise and otherwise. If that’s your bag, go for it; I’m not going to judge (you whore!). But if you’re not into roofies or herpes, and just want to dress cool, read on for five looks that’ll start your year off with a bang…stylistically speaking.

1. The Glitterbug
If you’re headed to some sweet ass club for some jumpin’ jumpin’, lose the jeans and go minidress. Note that when I say minidress, I do not mean something that requires Bridget Jones’s girdle and/or duct taping your boobs. Minidresses are for showing off legs, yes. This doesn’t give you the excuse to go short and strapless, hooch. I’d rock this little white number (Madonna for H&M, originally $50, snagged on sale for $35) with dark, textured tights and ankle boots.

2. The Dining Belle
If your New Year’s involves a prix fixe menu, (kudos to you for planning ahead, btw) take it up a notch for the holiday. Fitted, high-waisted trousers and tight pencil skirts don’t just scream class; they serve as a deterrent from stuffing your face throughout the evening. You don’t want to ring in ‘08 feeling bloated now do you?

3. The I-Don’t-Give-A-Shit
There’s an outfit for apathy too, and at its as easy as a wifebeater and your fave jeans. For crappy dive bars or lame parties, the wifebeater is where it’s at. Go sexy by wearing only a pretty, colored bra underneath (add pumps and big earrings - I’m partial to hoops, then again, I’m from Jersey) and letting the slightly transparent beater work its magic. If you really don’t give a shit (respect), go badass by layering a camisole underneath your beater and adding boots or Converse and one or two accessories (leather cuff, scarf, whatevs). Continue reading →