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I Wore a Spanx Unitard and I Think I Liked It

I recently inherited this Spanx Unitard from Mom’s lingerie drawer and discovered that it is, perhaps, the most impractical garment ever concocted. You can’t wear it as leggings because of the “double cotton gusset that opens to make life easier when Mother Nature calls,” aka the pee-hole (I’m not peeing with my pants on; I don’t care how effective that gusset is). And forgoing the gusset means removing everything you’re wearing over the top portion of the Unitard whenever you wee. Tres DRAG. Unless…
Spanx’s 79% Polyester and 21% Lycra Spandex/Elastane blend is impressively effective at smoothing out jiggly bits, so much so that a fitted turtleneck can be worn UNDER the top portion of the Unitard with little to no bunching. Kind of looks like a chic little vest, no? I added RL Ralph Lauren shorts (gifted to me by the uber-stylish Ellie in exchange for my promise to clean her closet) and another pair of Mom’s boots (on loan for two days, MAX)…so the bulk of the outfit is either free or stolen, depending on your perspective.

I never thought I’d encourage an undergarment that retails for $88, but over the past few days, I’ve become kind of obsessed with the Unitard. Like wore-it-two-days-in-a-row obsessed. Putting it on is like being enveloped by a safe, warm, spandex security blanket. Or something.

Excessories

Get Tight With Those Tights

I heart tights because they’re a quick, cheap way to take an outfit up a notch - in this case many, many notches.

I’d initially paired the Salv Army H&M Button-Down with my Chinese Military Shorts and Kors Gold Pumps: The look was neutrally cool, but in dire need of some pizazz.

Enter the Patterned Crochet Footed Tight. BAM! Now that’s more like it.

Below, a few ways to tighten up your look. Hardy har har.

Sparkle & Fade Nylon V Stripe Tights, $12 (or 2 for $20) at Urban Outfitters. If you’re going to buy stirrup tights, have the guts to wear them with a very high heel so the stirrup is fully visible, maximizing their potential for Flashdance-esque hotness. Otherwise, what’s the point? Hue Stirrup Tights, $12.

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