CheapJAP

I Love A Good Story

Dressed Up to Get Lucky - Outfit #3

Before we discuss my third - and possibly best - entry for Lucky’s “My Denim Transformation” Stylist Challenge, let’s talk about this blazer. Last January on my birthday, my uber fab mother and I hit Fisch for the Hip, where she immediately zeroed in on this Marc Jacobs number. Originally priced at $600 or so, it was still a splurge at its re-sale price. While I can’t recall the exact number, it had to have been offensive enough that Mom had to physically force me out of my coat and into the garment. I pretended not to want it; she pretended not to hear me.

“It’s your birthday,” she hissed at the time, “You will thank me later.” Of course, she was right. So thank you Mommy, for forcing this MJ blazer upon me on my 24th birthday. (If I wasn’t a stereotype before that last sentence…)

To my label whore’s dream of a blazer (and to the same F21 jeans, obvs), I added the following:

BCBG teal, ruched tank (snagged for $19 at the Atlantic City Outlets); bizarreslashunique, pearl button-embellished, gray sweater tank (Beacon’s Closet, like ten bucks); clip-on rhinestone/faux onyx earrings (P.S. Flea Market, $5); Guess pumps I’ve had fo eva (fo eva meaning two years plus).

I think we have a winner here, dolls. Your thoughts?

Label Whore

Does a $7 Top Cancel Out $300 Boots? Probs Not.

I wasn’t even going to write about my recent acquisition of these KORS Micheal Kors Slicker Lace-Up Rubber Boots. I neither paid for them nor deserved them; I just happen to be a spoiled brat whose Mommy buys her things for absolutely no reason.

For what it’s worth, I feel really, really guilty about that (albeit not guilty enough to not wear the boots).

So I’m coming clean: On my own dime, I’m a Cheap JAP through and through but when someone else is buying, the Label Whore reigns supreme. Hey, nobody’s perfect.

I’m the first to admit that these boots are trendy as hell. They’re also the most in-your-face empowering pair of shoes I’ve ever owned; they’re durable enough to last through rain, snow, slush, mud and/or stepping in gum and look fabulous doing it. Worn under trouser jeans, they’re high-heeled, casual alternative to flats (ideal for my 5′2″ frame). Tucked into pants or leggings, they’re a total statement. And anything that makes a statement is, for the Cheap JAP, always In. (Fashion’s supposed to be fun, for fuck’s sake).

Pictured: Polo Hoodie (originally Boys XL, cut into v-neck to accommodate boobage), Salvation Army, $7; DVF Jeans, Tokio 7, $75 (reduced from $345); KORS Michael Kors Boots…price upon request.

I Love A Good Story

When Closet Cleaning Yields Buried Treasure

Like all princesses, I’m revered by the village (Mom, Dad, two psychotic terriers, my little brother’s hormonal buddies) the moment I enter the kingdom (the house I grew up in). My childhood bedroom - complete with canopy bed, natch - has not been converted into an office, den or guest room: It’s still my domain. This is good because it means I get a second closet. This is bad because it means I have to periodically organize said closet.

I recently embarked on this grueling process, and found something of extreme interest. Four words: Ralph. Lauren. Purple. Label. Where had this jacket come from? Why had it been relegated to the never-wears section? Who was responsible for this atrocity?!

Me, of course. After picking my jaw up off the floor, I recalled that Mom had bought the piece for me three years ago on a trip to Normandy. She insisted it was gorgeous, I insisted it was “not my style”…not knowing then that I had no style to speak of at the time.

The moral of the schpiel? Certain things are worth holding onto, even if you think you’ll never wear the item in question. If it’s beautifully made (and/or reeeeeeally expensive), store it, and give it a whirl six months later. You might just change your mind.

*Jeans, Salt, $99 at Barney’s Scarehouse Sale; Boots, Steven by Steve Madden, $195 (and totally worth it. Got ‘em two years ago; they still look new, I still get compliments); Lace Top, Goodwill, $12.99.

Navigatrix

I. Heart. Outlets.

During this time of year, I head home to Jersey for two reasons: 1) To sift through my storage closet of fall/winter clothes, and bring the most choice items back to Brooklyn. And 2) To mooch off of - err, I mean visit - my parents.
Now, my Mom is very generous where shopping’s concerned. Sometimes she’s a little too generous and said generosity results in Dad huffing and puffing when the credit card bill arrives. So whilst shopping with Mom, I try to season my label whore-ish need for new stuff with a dash of Jewish guilt.

When we hit Atlantic City’s BCBG Outlet, we didn’t just find fabulous stuff. We found an almost guilt-free shopping experience! The multi-patterned Kimono wrap-top, in addition to having the most interesting sleeves ever, was originally $175. At the outlet? A whopping $39. The teal cami fits like a Theory tank and further enables my layering addiction. Originally around $78, snagged for $19.

When I tried on this silk dress, Mom initially had no words. “It looks so…” I finished her sentence: “So freaking expensive, that’s what it looks like.” For serious, this is one of the most beautifully made dresses I’ve seen in a looooong time. It’s kind of Old Hollywood and all kinds of awesome. That it was on sale for $49 just boggles my mind. Actually it doesn’t, because I’m damn good at this biznass. But I digress.

Outfits to follow, that is, as soon as I complete the oh-so-icky task of transferring my summer stuff out and my winter stuff into my teensy studio apt closets. Gotta love New York.

Splurgy Poo

Success at the Scarehouse Sale

Here’s the full report on the damage Mom and I did at Barney’s Warehouse Sale. When I hit sales of the Barney’s ilk, I ask myself the following question before committing to a particular item: Would I still want this if it wasn’t on sale? This ensures that I’m not duped into buying solely because it’s a good deal. Newsflash, ladies: Buying something at 75% off doth not equate to saving money. Spending less might give you peace of mind, but - let’s not kid ourselves - it’s still spending. Just make sure you waste your dough wisely (if that makes any sense).

This beige shrug isn’t just a fab layering piece that’ll get me through many Falls and Winters to come. It’s also 100% cashmere. Yummy. $495 is an utterly absurd price to pay for a top; $249 isn’t much better. But $119 for the kind of quality and versatility that’s eternally In? That I can do.

I’ve been on the hunt for straight-leg rocker jeans for quite some time now. The subtle vertical stripe on these on Superfines is a nice touch, and the slight flare at the ankle means they can be worn with heels sans excessive bunching - they actually manage to be more JAPtastic than hipster. Superfines usually retail for around $180; these were $99. Me likey.

This gray, cashmere blend sweater has a sexy, low-cut back and feels like pajamas. Basically, I’ll live in it.

At $69, it was probs the cheapest thing at the Barney’s Warehouse Sale. So it’s only fitting that it now belongs to me

I Love A Good Story

Barney’s Warehouse Sale…with Mom

Mom was in the city yesterday, and I’d planned on introducing her to Century 21. An hour before we were scheduled to meet, I received the following text:

Barney’s Warehouse Sale starts tomorrow, 50-75% off. Are you game? I wouldn’t possibly consider going into this one without you.

I immediately broke into a cold sweat. But I knew the Barney’s Warehouse Sale was more up Mom’s alley than Century 21. I also knew she’d be footing the bill.

When I met her inside, she’d already accumulated an armful of goodies. She seemed immune to the throngs of half-naked women trying things on, and meandered through the racks with experienced grace. Inspired by her courage under fire, I put on my game face and started filling a massive plastic trashbag of my own with designer-discount fare. It wasn’t until we were ready to try our things on that things went awry.

Mom: Umm, problem.
Me: What?
Mom: I’m not wearing a bra.
Me: You didn’t wear a BRA to the Barney’s Warehouse Sale?!!
Mom: Well, I didn’t know there wouldn’t be dressing rooms. Here, hold this.

So there we were: Me, holding up a $1000 Lanvin coat to cover my Mom so she didn’t expose herself whilst trying on Diane von Furstenberg frocks. Continue reading →

Excessories

A Study in Going Out Bags

I’ve got no problem hauling around my life during the day - my tote tends to have everything from Sugar-Free Redbulls and extra packs of Camel Lights to inspirational books my Dad thinks I should read and/or Us Weeklies. But when I’m out at night, I like to appear less high-maintenance than I am. This is why my Going Out Bags are not only small - they’re also hands-free.
Where big, leather day bags are a worthy splurge, I’d never spend anything serious on a Going Out Bag. Why? Gee, let me think - no one notices its fabulousness in dim lighting, beer gets spilled on it, it gets lost in a cab, etc. This is why I shop at thrift stores. Also why I raid my mother’s closet. The red pleather, eighties, wannabe-rockstar purse was $11.95 at Beacon’s; the gold-studded Yves Saint Laurent were, well, $0 - gotta love Mom. Both bags can be worn across the shoulder, which leaves my hands free to hold drinks and gesture wildly in conversation.
Now, I’m well aware that clutches are, like, soooo hot right now. If that’s your bag, don’t be a Bag Snob and dupe yourself into thinking the Botkier Lita Clutch is a bargain at $350, crazy face. Urban Outfitters has some reasonably priced options, amazingly enough: Check out the Large Croco Clutch, the Veranda Caning Clutch or the Deux Lux Patent Clutch, all under $50. Now that’s something to hold onto

Splurgy Poo

“Needs”: The Transitional Coat

I talk a lot of smack for someone who’s still continually spoiled by her parents. I stand by the fact that when I shop alone, it’s always on my own dime and subsequently, always a budget-conscious activity. But when I shop with Mommy, we don’t let icky, annoying things like the cost of this Manoush Belted Ruffle Hemmed Trench inhibit our experience.
Continue reading →

Oy Vey!

Happy JAPnukah to Me

I didn’t ask for anything this Hannukah season.

Not because I didn’t want anything, but because - for the first time, um, ever - I felt a slight twinge of Jewish guilt at my parents paying half my rent.

Dad: Mom wants to know what you want for Hannukah.
Me: I honestly don’t want anything Dad. Really.
Dad: That’s very sweet, but she’s going to buy you stuff anyway, just some little things.

My dad continually chooses to forget that “little things” mean he’s out at least $600.
I insisted on wanting nothing, both parents ignored me, and Mom showed up in the city with “little things” in tow. Among the little things: BCBG puffer coat, hot BCBG top, C&C turtleneck, Scoop textured tights and Tory Burch pony hair flats. JAPpot!

My holiday cheer was marginally corrupted by the fact that my mother had left the pricetags on most of the gifts. This haul of “little things” was way out of the usual range; that goddamn Jewish guilt was creeping up on me again.

Me: Mom, this is way too much.
Mom: Sweetie! Everything was half off!

Okay, so Mom’s idea of a deal is a $500 coat reduced to $200; she’s not a Cheap JAP just yet. But - when she told me everything was half off - she had that same triumphant look on her face that I get after a
trip to Forever or Beacon’s. Maybe we’re all bargain hunters at heart.

Oy Vey!

Eight Craaaazy Nights (now seven, whatevs)

Happy Chanukah, Hannukah, Hanukah or however the eff you spell it.

May large leather handbags, high quality denim and serious designer shoes find you via Mommy’s charity and Daddy’s Amex this Chanukah season. God knows you can’t afford any of that stuff otherwise (pun intended!).

Cheap JAP 101

More Dish on Denim

You’ve no doubt accumulated a significant amount of costly denim courtesy of the parental teat. Before you splurge on a new pair of jeans, you should always take inventory of what you already own.

I thought I needed a new pair of casual jeans after I “grew out of” my AGs in college - it wasn’t until the seams along the crotch and lower back area ripped that I acknowledged I’d gained 10 lbs. Six months later the jeans fit like a glove again and, aside from the fact that they afforded the onlooker multiple views of my thong, they looked fab. I had my dry cleaner sew them up, and voila!

These jeans might look like they’ve been to Promises and back, but they’ve still got that AG label. And they make my butt look really, really cute. I hope your designer denim serves you as well.

Splurgy Poo

The Denim Dish

Cheap JAPs are still JAPs at heart, and no JAP’s closet is complete without designer denim. If we only cared about shopping cheap, we’d head to The GAP, find the least ill-fitting pair of no-name jeans and call it a day. But we’re all about image here, and sometimes you can’t look loaded without a JAP-certified logo hugging your buttcheeks. From left to right, we have AGs, Sevens, True Religions and Citizens; all fab brands, all purchased with Daddy’s Amex.

While you can’t scrimp on jeans, you can be smart about the kind of denim you buy. The gray, straight leg True Religions were purchased last Fall when the “Rocker” look (read: mag editors’ attempt to lure people into dressing like hipsters) was all the rage. I respect hipster style but I can’t work it for shit. Also, the crotch on these jeans is too long and makes me look like I may or may not have a penis.

I initially ignored the fit of the True Religions because I was thrilled to have found something so In, but whenever I tried them on, I hated them more and more. The lesson? Jeans that don’t fit your bod perfectly are always Out, regardless of brand or cut.