CheapJAP

Economic Shitstorm

Cut Before You Toss

Before I’m about to toss something I haven’t worn in awhile, I assess its post-hemline surgery potential. If it seems promising shortened, sans sleeves, etc., I whip out my fabric scissors and go to town.

This ruffled cropped top was a Rebecca Beeson tunic before I had my way with it. (It was adorable in its original state, but I’m kind of over the whole tunic/leggings thang - it’s a bit too JAPtastic for me).

Snipping the skirt portion of the garment made it an easy addition to not one, but two outfits! At left: Top, Target GO International, $26.99; Shorts, Forever 21. At right: Shirtdress, Millau, $62.40.

So, I got a new top that cost me nothing in dollars. Makes a whole lotta sense!

Cheap JAP 101

When More is More

Cher, GET IN HERE.
What’s up, Daddy?
What is that?
A dress.
Says who?
Calvin Klein.
It looks like underwear. Go put something over it.
Duh, I was just going to.

If memory serves, I wore this Gianfranco Ferre minidress to a sorority formal without putting something over it, but let’s not dwell on the past. Point being, a pricey label doesn’t make a slutty dress look any less cheap. Only WE can do that.

Finding new ways to wear the clothes you already own is a fab, fiscally responsible way to feel like you’re shopping. Really, you sort of are. You’re just spending time in your closet instead of money at a boutique.

Alas, shopping my own closet to de-sluttify this dress proved a trial-and-error process. The tights were the biggest beotch; anything even remotely sheer screamed streetwalker. Shoes were also a challenge: Boots were overwhelming, none of my pumps seemed to work either.

I was stumped on how to cover my upper-half too (and very close to bagging the whole de-sluttifying endeavor) when one of my first Cheap JAP purchases ever caught my eye.

I added the fur-collared Bebe cardy ($10.95 at Beacon’s Closet), tights so opaque they’re basically leggings, and silver Manolo slingbacks, and everything seemed to fall into place (whether or not it stayed there is debatable. Bah!).

Is the outfit still a bit risque? Probs. It might even still be considered slutty, where Fashion is concerned. But I don’t feel slutty wearing it, and THAT’s what matters, dollfaces. Now, go forth and shop. You don’t even need to leave your house!*

*No, that doesn’t mean you get to go shop online. Nice try.

Economic Shitstorm

Is Shopping Necessary? (Obvs. Just Humor Me.)

Like food and shelter, clothing’s a necessity, right? We’d def like to think so. But you don’t need a new winter coat because you’re going to freeze to death if you don’t buy one; you want one because you’re sick of your old one. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. If we’re going to protect our checking account from the elements, however, we’ve Got. To. Shop. Less. As in not as frequently. We must learn to recognize the events in life for which shopping is necessary and the events in life for which shopping is superfluous. This is how we do it, Montell.

The First Date
Shopping Barometer: Superfluous
“Eek, a date! OMG, What the eff am I going to wear?!” Stop. Breathe. Think. This is a first date, floozyface. I don’t care if you’ve met before or hung out a few times or whatever. The dude isn’t thinking about your outfit; he’s thinking about how to maneuver you out of it. So wear your fave jeans, dress, jacket, whatever. Wear that item that envelopes you in awesomeness every time you put it on. It’s going to look a hell of a lot better than any impulse buy.

The Job Interview
Shopping Barometer: Necessary
Say it with me now: You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Wear something a little more formal than what your future co-workers are wearing; if they wear jeans, wear slacks; if they’re business casual, wear a pencil skirt; if they’re fully suited up, go work somewhere else that gives you more wardrobe freedom ;). The outfit needs to look pulled together regardless of its formality: No pen stains, frayed hems, missing buttons, gnarled heels, runs in the stockings, etc. This usually means buying at least one new thing at Loehmann’s or another brands-for-less locale. Do keep in mind that dressing for success does NOT involve the use of your Saks card, mmkay?

The Really Bad Day
Shopping Barometer: Superfluous
“It’s that time of the month,” “He broke up with me,” “I hate my job,” “My thighs are fat.”
SHOVE IT. You heard me. Splurging on a $300 clutch out of self-pity is an insult to your intelligence and to handbags everywhere. Anything pricey must be a deliberate purchase deemed necessary because you cannot stop thinking about it. NOT something to temporarily assuage (oooh, big word alert!) the badness of your day. Take a bubble bath. Go to yoga. Call your Mom. Admit that you like watching The Notebook and bawl your eyes out. Just slowly back away from the Bloomies.

Economic Shitstorm

Some Thoughts on Plastic

Mmkay, so, the economy’s in the shitter. The bad news first: We can’t shop as much. The good news? We can totally trick ourselves into thinking that’s not the case. But before we do that, we need to rid ourselves of plastic. This is Not. An. Option. Credit cards enable you to spend money you have not earned on things you cannot afford.

Ahem. I’ll say it again, this time, in bold.
Credit cards enable you to spend money you have not earned on things you cannot afford. Write that down.

The instant gratification of splurging on something you haven’t saved for and don’t really need pales in comparison to the grim reality that awaits you at the end of the month, when there’s not enough moolah in your checking account to cover your purchases. Why is there not enough?! Because you don’t make enough to afford $500 in shoes every few weeks, stupid. This doesn’t mean you can’t afford to shop. It just means you can’t afford to shop with a credit card. Don’t hide it in a drawer and pretend it’s for emergencies only - sooner or later, a $250 pair of jeans will seem like one, and you’ll be more broke than you are now. Take a pair of scissors to it, snip it in half, pay off your balance as soon as you can, and be done with it. Buh. Bye.