CheapJAP

Economic Shitstorm

How To: Sell Your Old Clothes

Most people donate the clothes they no longer wear. (By “donate,” I do NOT mean take out with the trash. Don’t add to the dumpster heap that is our earth, fools). That’s the obvious, socially and environmentally responsible, post-closet purge choice. Being an inherently selfish person, I prefer to sell my duds to Beacon’s Closet for cash or store credit instead.

Beacon’s isn’t as discerning as your standard Consignment shop, but they still continually neg some of my thangs. Should you choose to sell (at Beacon’s or elsewhere), use the following guidelines to filter your castoffs:

1. The Gently Worn Factor: No rips, pilling or pitstains.

2. The Brand Factor: For thrift stores, it doesn’t matter if it’s Theory or Forever 21 - if the tag is recognizable, it’s got a better shot of selling. Consignment and/or designer re-sale shops (really, does anyone know the difference?) are considerably snootier. So unless you’ve got a Marc Jacobs blazer you’re sick of (like that’s even humanly possible), I’m not making any promises.

3. The Seasonal Factor: Do you buy linen in winter? Neither do the stores you’re selling to. Just omit the obvious stuff - no flannel button downs if it’s summer, no sarongs if it’s as effing freezing out as it is today.

I obvs filter effectively to maximize what Beacon’s takes off my hands. This time around, they priced my wares at $123.55. In exchange, I got 55% of that number in store credit - $67.95 worth of thriftastic treasures. I could have taken 35% in cash ($43.24), but that would have been stupid. My store credit resulted in…

…an uber-girly, white ruffled top ($14.95); a slightly ridiculous (let’s just say avante garde), light blue, puffy-sleeved blouse; a pair of legwarmers (Foot Traffic, $12), and, drumroll please…

…a STELLAR pair of Olsen Haus pumps. I’d be totally on board with the Vegan shoe thing if green brands like Olsen Haus didn’t retail for around $225. Are you effing kidding me?! It’s not even leather!

Whatevs Olsen, I got your overpriced plastic for $19.95. HA.

My haul came to $62.85 of my store credit. To sum up: I got rid of old clothes AND bought new ones with ZERO dollars of my own money. How d’ya like them apples?!

*See this nationwide Consignment/Thrift Stores Directory so you too can reap the benefits of cleaning your closet.

Economic Shitstorm

The Top Five Lamest Excuses to Not Shop at Goodwill

Every girl loves a bargain; it should logically follow that every girl frequents her local Goodwill (and/or Salvation Army) in search of the best deals in fashion. Unfortunately, we’re used to shiny, new shit. So we’ve got an arsenal of excuses as to why we don’t patronize these beacons of thrift. And they’re all worthless and weak. (Now drop and give me twenty!).
“They don’t have the brands I like.”
Really. So you don’t like Laundry, Tahari, Bebe, Club Monaco, J.Crew, Banana Republic, GAP, H&M, BCBG, et. al? How bout this Intermix top that cost me six dollars? Goodwill’s got brands to burn - you just gotta look, lazy face. The fact that my Goodwill’s in NYC doesn’t necessarily mean it has a better selection than yours; New York is home to the savviest of stylemongers, so you can bet my finds have already been picked through by other beotches. And I STILL score.

“I mean, those are, like, other people’s clothes.”
No shit Sherlock. Lots of you who won’t deign to shop at Goodwill either have or would donate your old clothes to the same place. Wouldn’t people be lucky to buy and wear the fab stuff you’ve tired of? I thought so. Yes, there’s an abundance of worn-out, fugly apparel. But there’s also tons of clothing about as worn-in as - and I’m projecting here - that pricey, going-out top you *needed* that still has its tags. (We all have that top, btw ;).

“It’s too disorganized for me to find anything.”
Okay, I kind of feel you on this. Kind of. Goodwill doesn’t care if you’re a Forever 21 or a Juicy Couture or a Theory - you’re all going to hang together in harmony, regardless of where you came from or what you originally cost. And in this way, it’s the great equalizer of all things Fashion. Being forced to sift through things not according to trend or brand but according to category and color illuminates something the Industry banks on you never realizing: It’s all just stuff. In one world, it’s a pastel, cable-knit, Theory sweater. In another, it’s just a pink top. And it’s in the pink top section with all the other pink tops.

“The clothes are DIRTY - eew!”
Of course they’re dirty. Do YOU make the effort to wash the stuff sitting in the back of your closet before you donate it? Me either. For Goodwill, I like to employ the same rule I use when buying thongs at Old Navy, regardless of how almost-clean anything looks: Wash before you wear. Duh.

“There’s not one near me.”
Au contraire! Finding a store with this nifty Goodwill Locator is easy-peasy. If you happen to live 2 miles west of Bumblefuck, check out shopgoodwill.com.

*All of the above obvs applies for Salvation Army too - see the Salvation Army Store Directory to find one near you.

I Love A Good Story

The Battle of the Century (21)

When I shop with my girlfriends, I don’t do it in the traditional, let’s-both-try-on-stuff-and-lie-about-how-good-it-looks-and-silently-compete-over-who-looks-better sense of the activity. Shopping is my JOB, people; I’m obvs better at it than my girlfriends. So when I shop with a pal, I’m not so much her friend as I am her personal shopper. Finding stuff for myself is, at this point, cake. Finding stuff for a friend, shopping according to her tastes, her budget, her style and her size is an opportunity for me to really put my skills to the test. And tested they were, yesterday at Century 21.

CLIENT: My childhood bestie, Krip.
MISSION: To find work-to-party clothes for all those celeb-heavy events she plans.
BUDGET: $300 - $500.
TIME FRAME: 2 hours.

On the 3rd Floor - Women’s Apparel - I ignored Krip’s attempts at casual conversation; I already had my game face on as it enabled me to pretend I knew what I was doing. In truth, I had no plan. Overwhelmed by the abundance of merchandise and Eurotrash, I suddenly wondered why I’d chosen to subject my friend to a store in which I’ve had little personal success. How the eff was I going to sift through this material shitstorm and find things for her if I’d never really done it for myself?

I kept my doubts to myself, and got down to biznass. An hour later, we’d amassed 40 or so items - well over the dressing room’s 12 item limit - and were uber-psyched about our picks. That is, until Krip started trying on the first batch. Nothing was fitting. Nothing was working. She knew it, I knew it, and I didn’t bullshit her by telling her something looked good when it didn’t. No one buys for the sake of buying on my watch!

Still, I wasn’t going to let my friend fall victim to this bitch of a store. I went back to the battlefield, resolved to find whatever it was that would make shopping what it’s supposed to be: FUN.

To be continued…

Cheap JAP 101

How To Order from Uniqlo

Here’s the Heat-Tech Top layered under the Puffer Vest for a truly Uniqlo-riffic (ooh, that was rough) combo.

…it’s a snowbunny…it’s a frigid bitch…it’s…WINTER JAP! And she’s here to rescue you ladies from Uniqlo deprivation.

“What’s the story with Uniqlo and online shopping? I’m in TX (howdy!) and no where close to an actual store.”
From Functional AND Fab: More Uniqlo, 2008/11/13 at 5:41 PM

An excellent question, cowgirl. I was initially perplexed by this myself: While you obvs shouldn’t need to live in NYC to feel the Uniq-love too (okay, this is getting out of hand), the online shopping situation is more than sketchy. Unless you’re fluent in Japanese, in which case, have fun converting yens to dollars.

This took me a solid half hour to figure out, but that might just be because I’m technologically ’special.’ You’re welcome. Here’s the deal: Uniqlo doesn’t use played-out verbs like “Shop” or verbose phrases like “Browse Apparel.” They’re cutting edge, people. To see the goods is to explore the untapped world of well-made clothes at reasonable prices. Hence the EXPLORER button. (Located under the Product & Style tab on the upper left side of the homepage, url: http://www.uniqlo.com/us/).

After you’ve officially entered the labyrinth, you’ll likely be looking for a means to itemize and consolidate your choices; something commonly referred to as a “Shopping Cart.” There is none. In the spirit of elusiveness there is, instead, a “List” to which you add your potential purchases. After making your selections, you’ll likely be looking for a “Checkout” button. There is none. To purchase your goodies, you have to do something kind of awkward and icky and antiquated. You have to pick up the phone, dial (877) 4-UNIQLO (toll-free) and talk to a real, live human being. Soooo old school, right?!

The toll-free number goes directly to their Soho store. Uniqlo suggests confirming the availability and pricing of your intended purchases via email before you order (customer.orders@uniqlo-usa.com), but I was told this was an unnecessary step when I spoke with a salesperson earlier today. Just give ‘em a ring, and be ready to recite the names/colors/sizes of what you’re ordering (I knew that list had a purpose!)

Enjoy your Uniq-clothes (Oops. I did it again).

Economic Shitstorm

No Sale For You!

I was jaunting around Soho yesterday, window shopping after my triumphant Uniqlo experience, and found myself wanting to enter every single store I passed. It wasn’t the merchandise. It was those goddamn SALE signs.

Where fashion’s concerned, there’s only one Sin City. New York is the late-night slice, the one-more drink, the bummed cigarette and the one-night stand of shopping. It’s where all those pretty things you don’t need come together and throw themselves at you. Never is this city of excess more irresistible than when its offerings go on sale.

During my walk, the forces of temptation chipped away at my resolve via 50% OFF! and EVERYTHING MUST GO! signs enough to cloud my judgment. I caved right in front of Lounge’s Going Out Of Business Sale and/or Relocation Sale, and immediately bee-lined for the price-slashed shoe selection. It wasn’t until I was petting a Marc Jacobs platform peep-toe pump that I snapped out of it: I did NOT need another pair of shoes, and I REALLY did not need to spend more money. Yes, $175 is a good deal for shoes that retail for $550; spending half of that on a night out with my besties is a better one. MJ pumps might last a long time. But memories of martini-induced debauchery last fo eva.

My fellow New York beotches, listen up: When the SALE signs inevitably tempt you, go D.A.R.E. on their asses and JUST SAY NO. I know it’s tough. I know we’re as rational about shopping as we are about dating (i.e. all kinds of crazy). Just ask yourself if you would’ve gone into that store sans signage, or if you’re “just browsing” because the SALE sign made you do it. (Affirmative to the latter, 99.9999% of the time). Then move on, dollface.

Congratulations. You just bought yourself some willpower.

Navigatrix

Functional AND Fab: More Uniqlo

In addition to the uber-practical Heat Tech Tops, Uniqlo boasts some kickass outerwear too. I took advantage of their All-Fleeces-For-$20 Promo, and snagged a reversible zip-up number as cute as the Patagonias once coveted by my boarding school besties.

I also picked up a pair of gray skinny jeans ($50) and a hooded down puffy vest ($69.99).

Did I spend more than I intended to? Obvs. Thankfully, I was armed with $300 in Amex gift cards; a sum which MIGHT have gotten me one item had I spent it at Lucky Shops. The four Heat Tech tops, reversible fleece, puffy vest and grey pants - that’s SEVEN items, all of which I’ll wear all winter long - cost me $180 and change at Uniqlo.

It’s not just Uniqlo’s prices that won me over; it’s their ability to produce well-made, body-conscious clothes at those prices (like, wait till you see the gray skinny jeans on…I’m kvelling).

I’ve always subscribed the the Fashion-Not-Function school of thought. But sometimes, a girl’s gotta get real and accept that it’s not okay to shiver for the sake of style…

and that it’s more than okay to stay warm in Uniqlo!

Navigatrix

Ga Ga For Uniqlo

I wasn’t initially on board with the whole Uniqlo thang; their stuff always seemed a little too minimalist/classic for my slightly ridiculous taste. But when my uber-fashion-forward pal Ellie went nutso for their Heat Tech Tops, I decided to give the brand another whirl.
Weather-wise, I’m not the most practical of shoppers. I loathe wool sweaters, bulky coats and Uggs; I think cashmere’s played out and overrated. This means I’m perpetually cold. Uniqlo’s Heat Tech Top doesn’t just take the edge off the chill - the rayon-blend “efficiently absorbs water vapor from the body and converts it to heat,” i.e. it kinda makes you sweat a little, but in a good way. It’s thin enough that it can be worn under anything, cute enough to stand alone, and awesome enough that it’s turned me into an advertising whore. And it’s a mere $10.35. I bought four; I have a feeling I’ll be back for more.

Nifty Thrifty

Housing Works Poses as Dollar Store

Yesterday, I wandered into Housing Works’ Chelsea Store. Now lookey, Housing Works is far from the creme de la creme of NYC’s thrift store offerings, but even a selfish beotch like me loves clothing that supports a cause. To contribute to Housing Works’ mission - ending the twin crises of AIDS and homelessness - all you gotta do is shop. That’s reason enough to stop by.

Housing Works’ prices are usually more than reasonable but yesterday, they happened to be cleaning house, i.e. clothes, shoes, bags, accessories cost $1 each. ONE DOLLAR EACH. Why had I not known about this?! All the good stuff was almost gone!
I prodded the salesgirl for answers. The $1 sale had been an unannounced byproduct of the organization’s Fashion For Action Benefit. Out with the old, in with the gently-worn designer goodies available only to those with $100 fundraising tickets.

I’m psyched about the Dana Buchman plaid skirt; wondering why I bought something in black linen for winter (oh right, it was $1); and slightly concerned about the androgynous factor of the Bergdorf Goodman slacks. But no matter: My total was $3. At least it was until I added the Eco Bag ($12) at the last minute because I felt guilty for only giving three bucks to charity - now I’m helping the homeless AND saving the earth! Riiiiight.

Whatevs, at least I’m doing less damage by where I choose to shop. That’s something, right?

Nifty Thrifty

A Mad Cool Dress

Everyone’s all obsessed with Mad Men Fashion, understandably so; the clothes are even hotter than the show. Mad Men Fashion - let’s call it Madshion for kicks - even inspired Michael Kors’ latest line. Spend a mere $350 and you get a free DVD of Season 1 - what a deal! Gag me.

Going retro is a breeze, particularly when you live in close proximity to the best thrift store ever. If that’s not the case, Beacon’s Online Store recently got a Botox injection - check out the goods there. I snagged this very Joan-esque sweater dress for a whopping $18.95. If only wearing it made me as badass as she!

Heel Schpiel

Bluefly Your Way to 60% Off

Bluefly’s One-Day-Only 60% Off Shoe Sale is happening, like, now.

Among the goodies at reduced-reduced prices? Rafe Moc Toe Pump, $275 reduced to $100.03; Stuart Weitzman Suede Metallic Trifecta Pump, $295 reduced to $128.24.

If you’re in NEED of some foot fabulosity, I suggest getting off my site and onto theirs ASAP!

Navigatrix

Over the Moon for Overalls

When I happened upon the Silence & Noise Skinny Overall, I’d been searching for a pair for approximately six months. These overalls weren’t just uber-cute - they were on SALE for $39.99 (reduced from $88). This was all a few weeks ago, yet I’m only posting about them now. Why? Because it took me that long to figure out how to wear the effing things.
It wasn’t until I tried on the overalls at home that I noticed the problematic waistline. Direct your attention to Exhibit A; you’ll notice that even the model looks pear-shaped. Serious adjustment was called for, but with what?! I tried scarves and thick belts, all of which exacerbated the situation. I needed to go smaller and subtler, not draw more attention to the problem.

Finally, I unbuttoned the back and realized that shoelaces could be looped through the button holes, then tied around front to cinch the waist. Crisis averted. Phew.
Paired with a cashmere shrug scored at the Scarehouse Sale and Mom’s Frye Boots, these trendy overalls are a far cry from their farmer-chick inspiration.

While the trial and error process of fitting these to my bod kept them from being a total waste, there’s a lesson to be learned here. Thirty seconds is not an adequate amount of dressing room time to assess whether or not your fab find is worth buying. Wiggle around in it, strike a pose, and make sure it doesn’t make you look like a bloated piece of fruit before you commit, mmkay? Mmkay.

Sartorial Etiquette

Overheard At Beacon’s…

Saks might be effed, but biznass at Beacon’s Closet is booming, so much so that they’ve got a new Park Slope store to show for it. Whilst trying things on in the dressing room, I overheard the following exchange between a girl and her boyfriend:

Girl: How does this look?
Boyfriend: You look SO SKINNY in that!

Hear this, men: Shopping with your girlfriend is either foolish or noble, depending on your ability to answer this question correctly. If she tries on something that’s less than flattering, simply feign ignorance, pretend you’re bored and grunt something to the effect of “Good.” If she tries on something that really does look good, You-Look-So-Skinny-In-That will get you laid Every. Single. Time.

You’re welcome.

Navigatrix

Xhilarated By Xhilaration

When you’re as big of a label whore as I am (or was, I should say), certain brands take some getting used to. I never had a problem with Target’s GO International line because I subscribed to the notion that - as long as it was sanctioned by some designer and/or had slightly higher prices than the rest of the superstore’s wares - it wasn’t really Target. I like to blame this rich-bitch perspective on years of fashion mag-induced brainwashing; really, I came to the conclusion that totally Target brands like Merona and Mossimo were materialistically unacceptable all by myself. I’m that much of an effing snob. But I’m working on unraveling that.

That I purchased (and have already worn) this Xhilaration dress speaks volumes to my personal growth. (Wait…shopping isn’t a synonym for therapy?) It cost a whopping $16. With gray tights, my trusty black boots and that Ann Taylor blouse snagged at Goodwill for $12.99, it’s all kinds of awesome. Note: Cheapie dresses of this ilk rarely fit perfectly, so they’re tough to wear sans layering. Button down shirts are the answer. A BDS doesn’t just accessorize this dress; when cinched tightly at the waist, it keeps the flowy garment from looking like a muumuu.

(Clarification: I’m rolling up my sleeves to rinse out wine glasses, NOT to cook… in case any of you’d given me the benefit of the doubt or something :P).

Sartorial Etiquette

MAILBAG: Shorty in a Pencil Skirt

Subject: Shoes for a Pencil Skirt
So I’ve been emailing a bunch of my friends for advice on what to wear with this light blue skirt. My question is, do you have any recommendations on a good pair of shoes for a tweed pencil skirt, ones that I can wear around my unevenly paved Southern California college? Thanks so much and I totally love what you come up with!

Subject: Re: Shoes for a Pencil Skirt
Okay. Let’s discuss the skirt before we tackle the shoes. Objectively speaking, insert applause here. If I had to choose a shade/material combo to epitomize Fall in SoCal, it really would be aqua melange tweed. But the length - oy, the length! Fat, skinny, pear-shaped, whatever; if you’re under 5′5″ there are few things more infuriating than that god-forsaken mid-thigh length skirt. At 5′2″, I’ve been frustrated by this same issue more than I care to admit. I usually just hack the icky-lengthed skirts into minis, ’cause I’m classy like that ;). I have, however, figured out the only shoe solution to the dreaded mid-thigh length skirt. And it ain’t cobblestone-friendly.

When your gene pool hands you the shorty stick, you gotta counter it with pumps: Nothing lengthens a leg like a high heel and a pair of tights in the same color as said heel. Where the dreaded mid-thigh length skirt’s concerned, this strategic style choice is the only solution I’ve come across. I heart a grey/light blue combo; this Nine West Quadrent Heel, ($68) or this Seychelles Outta Frying Pan Pump ($89.95) would look fab paired with grey tights.

Darker colors work equally well with your skirt of choice: This Franco Sarto Happy Pump ($88) works if you like navy, and this Rafe Pointy Toe Pump ($123.99 from $275, thank you Bluefly) is a to-die-for shoe if you want to go brown.

(Pair with navy and brown tights, respectively. Obvs).

Lastly, since you get to hit the books in mild weather all year round, a tan and/or nude heel is a no brainer for bare legs (just slather on some self-tanner if your stems have lost their summer glow). This Aerosoles Conquer Open-Toe Pump ($67.96) looks like it might actually be comfortable to walk in. And my fave, by far, is this Naughty Monkey Straight and Narrow Pump ($84.95) - look how the blue detail picks up the aqua in the skirt!

I know a heel isn’t overly practical for walking to-and-from class. But neither is buying something that hinders your hotness. Dressing up for class makes you do better in school, so break out the skirt, break in some pumps, and witness the transformational power of the glorious high heel. (And buy Tough Strips Band-Aids - they’ll see you through the blistering potential of new shoes :P).

Mwah!
Cheap JAP

DIY Dallying

DIY Dress, Final Look

So, that dress I constructed out of a men’s lightweight silk sweater, a strip of patterned polyester and fabric glue survived its first dry cleaning.

I cinched it with an elastic black belt (on sale at Urban, $8), added gray tights and my fave black pumps… and was so enamored with the outfit and/or myself that I couldn’t be bothered to look up at the camera.

While I’m as pumped as my shoes that fabric glue gives me an excuse to avoid domesticity (read: learn to sew), I’m still skeptical of said glue’s durability.

This kickass mini-dress will probs fall apart the next time I wear it; a sad fact that forces me to answer one of those heavy life question things.

What matters more, my dress or my dignity?

(Insert pensive pause here).

So it’s settled then. I’m learning to sew.