5:30 AM • Apr 10th, 2008
By cheapjap
Sexy Time
The very idea of dressing to impress someone other than myself is fairly new to me. It’s also effing annoying, because you can’t wear electric blue tights (Foot Traffic, $7 at Beacon’s Closet) if you’re worried about what other people think. So - as an alternative to the T&A method of dressing universally approved by men - I wore this tight/heel combo with a navy American Apparel minidress out on a date. I’m not into metrosexuals, so I don’t expect the guys I date to praise my outfits. But - as committed as I am to fashion - I’m not above wanting to be told I look hot.
Wow. Those tights are really…blue.
Blue. Not hot, not sexy, just…blue. Fine, maybe a second date isn’t the best time to break out the crazy (stylistically and otherwise). As my legs looked rather Smurf-like, I can’t really blame the guy. Continue reading →
12:46 PM • Dec 25th, 2007
By cheapjap
Oy Vey!
To some, serving at a swanky, upscale steak place means selling $60 hunks of cow and $300 bottles of Cab. To me, it means finding the inner strength, shift after shift, to don my uniform, i.e. a white button-down shirt and black pants, i.e. the worst outfit ever. Fine, white button-down shirts (I’m sick of typing that phrase already, let’s just call them WBDs) are practical, particularly if they’re cut as well as the one I snagged at the Banana Republic Factory Store for $35.
Fine, BCBG black pants are standard JAP garb and mine only cost me $50 (thank you, Atlantic City outlets). But too many black pants and WBDs render one’s wardrobe a battered, desert wasteland void of creative capital. The only thing that depresses me more than owning four pairs of black pants and six WBDs is that I actually have to wear this shit. And there is nothing worse for a JAP - cheap or otherwise - than being forced to wear the same effing outfit every goddamn day. I mean, it’s not waterboarding, but I’m totally drowning in wardrobe monotony here.
10:24 AM • Dec 14th, 2007
By cheapjap
Cheap JAP 101
I’ve got a lot of Goy buddies for a JAP, most of whom can’t grasp the meaning of Jewish American Princess without extensive pontificating on my behalf. This morning, I happened upon Urban Dictionary’s definition of “JAP”. It’s possibly the most brilliant and well-researched term in the collective tome. Now that I’ve finished laughing my little tuchis off, let’s review the characteristics that delineate us JAPs as such.
1. A Female who collects designer fashion items.
2. Bane to the existence of dating men. Large breasted, outwardly attractive, internally spoiled, greedy, complicated, self-righteous, and
obnoxiously difficult and overbearing Jewish female.
Check, check, and check. Don’t we sound awesome?! Read on for some more fabulous (albeit slightly less accurate) JAPology. Continue reading →
