A funky vintage floral dress that may or may not be a bathing suit is lightweight enough to stand the summer heat. Built-in bloomers a big fat plus.
Trovata wide leg corduroy pants and crazy 80s pants on Goodwill’s $2.99 rack. 80s pants channel a pair of sweats my uncle still wears.
So, American Apparel’s having a Rummage Sale online (thanks to reader Lisa for the tip :)). Monumental? Yes. Reasonably priced? The bulk of the items are $5-$10, so Heck Yes. But what of the selection?
When I’m faced with a tempting $5, $10, $15 sale of this ilk, I like to play a little game called Would I Ever Pay Full Price For That? If the answer’s Maybe or Yes, the item gets a pass. If it’s a resounding No, I don’t care how cheap it is. You’re never going to wear that shizzz.
Let’s see how the Rummage Sale fares when this exercise is applied to its offerings.
Would I ever pay $16 for a Loop Terry Halter Bra? What IS this? A bra, a top, a garment American Apparel encourages its models to wear out in public with men’s button-down shirts (unbuttoned) to reinforce the notion that wearing this brand gets you laid? A terrycloth string bikini top might support an A-cup, but that ain’t me. It’s only $2 now (shocker), but I’d give this idiotic concoction a No even if were free.
Would I ever pay $25 for California Fleece Shorts? Yet another overpriced item too slutty to wear out in public. Also, these shorts are only available in two colors: Baby blue and Red, i.e. two shades that blimp out even the tightest of buns. All $5 buys you is the appearance of a fat ass.
Would I ever pay $36 for Unisex California Fleece Track Pants? When ascribed to pants, the term Unisex can be interpreted as: shapeless enough to accommodate balls if you have them. Even a Rummage Sale price of $15 can’t change that.
Would I ever pay $16 for Loop Terry High-Rise Briefs? Again, with the fucking terrycloth. A material that makes pantylines inevitable, and you’re manufacturing underwear out of it. What am I supposed to do with these, prance around my apartment and pretend I’m at the co-ed slumber party that is the American Apparel photo shoot? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Would I ever pay $28 for a Unisex Flex Fleece Schoolboy Vest? Depends. Is preggers the new black?
I’ll totally cop to highlighting the worst of the worst here. The Rummage Sale merch also includes a fair amount of decent-looking basic tees in various styles, none of which I’m buying because none of them are Tri-Blend. My personal favorite, the Unisex Tri-Blend Short Sleeve Deep V-Neck, is still $22 at American Apparel’s online store.
The very same tee can be had for $9.99 at Amazon.com, a much better online option for reduced-price basics.
Say NO to the Rummage Sale, and shop there instead.
A long floral vintage Ralph Lauren dress gets shortened into a cocktail dress and paired with black boots. Summer style goes badass.
How to tone down a potentially slutty dress? Layer a preppy Ralph Lauren boatneck top underneath. DIY satin robe dress from Target.