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Converse One Star: A Better Buy Than Chai

On the hanger and online, this Converse One Star Double Layer Sweater Vest doesn’t look like much. Fully buttoned, it’s still kinda stiff. But a little unbuttoning, unzipping and creativity make it a fab, transitional piece.

One of the things I actually like about Lucky mag is their “Wear It Now, Wear It Later” feature (in a nutshell, how to wear summery items into fall). And this vest is sooo money for that: Paired with a polka dot sundress (Beacon’s, circa last summer) and Steve Madden boots (I spent $190 on these, but that was two years ago and they STILL look decent. This helps me to not think of them as $200 shoes), it makes a warm-weather item totally fall-appropriate.

The vest retails for $29.99 - around the same price as Richard Chai’s BS - and MUST be worn half-buttoned so as to not mar the uber cute navy satin layer. Belt it for shape, obvs.

Oy Vey!

Richard Chai, Why Oh Why?!

Everyone’s got a hard-on for Richard Chai for Target GO International. Sans moi, obvs. I’m not so naive that I expect the designers who slap their names onto Target GO International tags to actually design the collection - they’ve got more important things to worry about, like figuring out how to stuff their size 2 models into size 0 samples before Fashion Week. But if the final, budget-friendly product barely resembles its Ready-to-Wear inspiration, I expect them to notice. Something slipped through the cracks with Richard Chai’s latest Target endeavor; something called style. What we have now is a sloppy, confusing, potato sack-esque mess.

Look, I’m don’t expect to find anything as gorge as that beauteous purple number at Tar-jay. But I also don’t see how that fugly, floral disaster at right (a.k.a. the Tuxedo Dress & Striped Tank Look) has anything to do with Chai’s clean and modern aesthetic.
Continue reading →

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Targeting Suburbia

I’m on vacay this week, and by vacay, I mean I’m dogsitting in South Jersey while my parents are out of town. Sigh. Anyhoo, no trip home would be complete without a visit to my local Target. This is because suburban Targets put urban Targets to shame. The selection of GO International stuff isn’t just more varied - it’s even cheaper than usual!

This high-waisted, satin-esque (it’s Target, let’s not kid ourselves) bubble skirt - from the store’s in-house Go International line - was originally priced at $34.99. Not bad to begin with, obvs. I, however, got it on sale for $8.74.

Paired with a Theory tank (on loan from my friend Lucy) and Via Spiga pumps it looks fairly high-end, which makes the fact that it was less than ten bucks kind of ludicrous.

And kind of awesome.

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Tar-jay Lives Up To Petname

Mmkay, so I got down to biznass yesterday afternoon with my Target GO International Private Label loot and came up with some decent outfits. And by decent, I mean fabulous; false modesty’s a crock. I was more concerned than usual with making sure each combo boasted at least one loaded, JAPtastic ingredient. This is probably because I have never, ever worn Tar-jay in public, and needed my old brandbyes to make the idea more palatable. Anyhoo, here we go. Let’s break it down.

Tar-jay Outfit No. 1: Office JAP

Working in an office environment is one of the better excuses for donning new outfits. Even if you hate your job, you can still love what you’re wearing! I paired a black cami with a Forever 21 Pencil Skirt, and knotted the Tar-jay Button-Front Ruffle Top over it to give the look some shape. Not only is sheer fabric like, sooo hot right now; a thin, transparent blouse can be shaped in varying degrees of awesomeness depending on how it’s buttoned or tied. It’s almost as versatile as the silver Manolos that complete the look. As for what they cost: They were a gift, and I’d prefer to wear them in blissful ignorance.

Tar-jay Outfit No. 2: Summer JAP

I tend not to fool around with multiple patterns at once - I’m not that kind of girl That being said, when I was looking for something more interesting than a gray t-shirt to pair with my Tar-jay Jacquard Floral Ruffle Miniskirt, this Scoop top (purchased last summer for the ludicrous price of $150) caught my eye. When I’ve tried to wear this top in the past, I’ve paired it with jeans, found myself bored to tears and changed outfits immediately. The floral mini updates it and rejuvenates its cool factor without a color clash. (Note: Mixing patterns/prints is fine, provided they have something to talk about - the navy and silver top picks up the blues and grays in the skirt, and therefore works. Obvs.). Same Manolos here too - man, am I a snoot.

Tar-jay Outfit No. 3: Cocktail JAP

I didn’t mention this Tar-jay Kimono Dress yesterday because it’s a satin muumuu sans waist accessory. With a belt or a scarf, however, it’s a fab take on a style superfood: The little black dress. I used my grandmother’s vintage Louis Vuitton scarf to give it some shape, (oh, and to make it scream CLASS :P). And you already know those Michael Kors pumps were sooo not full price; $21.95 at Beacon’s for those not in the know.

Hots and Nots

DESIGNER SLUMDOWN: Target for GO International vs. Everyone Else

Know how I know the lines by everyone else “for GO International” royally sucked? Because I never wore a goddamn thing from any of them. Most of the Erin Fetherston stuff screamed Alice in Wonderland on Crack, the Jovovich-Hawk line boasted nine different versions of the same, baggy “minidress”, and don’t even get me started on the animal-print, eco-obsessed disaster that was Rogan Gregory.

While the full name,
Target GO International Private Label, is a bit much, the clothes from their in house designers aren’t just cute, y’know, for something from Target; they’re fabulous, no concessions required. So fabulous that I bought three thangs, two of which are pictured here.

You can find the Button-Front Ruffle Top and Ruffle Miniskirt on Target’s website for $26.99 each. If you’re a snob like me, you’ll be totally turned off by the fact that these pieces are among Mossimo, Cherokee and all those other icky lines. To assure you of their fabbiness, pics of them in outfit form will be up later today.

I’ve never really used the term Tar-jay because I’ve never thought of this massive brand conglomerate as even remotely chic. Until now. And the best slummer is… Target for Target. Bravissimo!

Oy Vey!

Botkier for Target? Oh HELLS No.

Anyone eagerly anticipating the July 20 release of the Botkier for Target handbag line needs to take a good, hard look at these photos. Witness Exhibit A:

It’s not just painfully obvious that the sparkling, buttery, buckled beauty at left is the real thing; it’s fucking insulting that the gold, stiff, pleather disaster at right is being pawned off as a desirable alternative to its overpriced inspiration. Witness Exhibit B:

If the JPEG placement switcheroo was enough to trick you, you’re clearly one of the sheep who’ll actually buy this crapola and I pity you. Even if the Target-ized version at left is real leather, it’s of the immobile, low-cost ilk. It’s not just the intricate stitching that outs the bag on the right as the real thing; it’s the scrunching of soft, mobile leather around the buckle strap. Versions of its pathetic copy lurk on the corners of Broadway and every other street in Soho and - if you don’t mind looking not-even-close-to-loaded - can be had for twenty bucks.

Last night marked the end of an era for me and my own (real) Botkier bag. Continue reading →

Cheap JAP 101

The Myth of the “Under $100 Outfit”

Sooo, Lucky Mag is running a “Summer Under $100″ story that features - you guessed it - warm-weather items under $100. Kudos to them, for serious. Some of the options, like the $50 Wanted Patent Penthouse Heel pictured, are actually as adorable as they are affordable (def just reached my alliteration quota for the day…whatevs). My problem isn’t with the compilation of under-$100 items; approximately 87% of everything I buy meets that criteria. My problem is with the bullshit Lucky was spouting this morning on The Today Show; that a trendy, fab outfit can be had for less than $100. For any girl even remotely concerned with looking loaded (so, like, all of us) the $100 outfit is an effing joke. Why? Two words: Shoes and Handbags.
A Benjamin is more than enough to get you dressed from torso to ankle, no question. But if I’m wearing $7.99 sandals from Forever 21 and a $14.99 bag from Target along with my cheap ensemble, I am not feeling loaded. I am feeling like I’m wearing Forever 21 sandals and a Target bag. (Addendum: Forever 21 is about short-term trend experimentation, not long-term wear - their faux leather shoes tend to have the lifespan of a gnat.).
I’m not suggesting that one needs a different pair of pricey shoes and a different designer bag for every outfit. I am suggesting that spending $100 on a pair of kickass wedges you’ll wear all summer is a better investment than blowing $100 on a head-to-toe outfit that looks as cheap as it is. Where handbags are concerned, well, you know where I stand. Save your dough for one you’ll wear every day, and raid Mommy’s Closet for evening bags. And if you’re in dire need of a quick bag fix, hit a thrift store. You’ll find something that’s a hell of a lot more original (and a lot less likely to out you as cheap) than anything Isaac Mizrahi for Target.

Hots and Nots

DESIGNER SLUMDOWN: Rogan Gregory vs. Marimekko

Hey high-end designers! Think you can bullshit your way through your budget line and get away with it? Think again! Every week (or whenever I feel like it), Designer Slumdown pits the wallet-friendly lines of two high-end designers against each other, and sees who slums it best.

Rogan Gregory for Target vs. H&M x Marimekko

Sooo, the much anticipated, Barney’s-sanctioned Rogan Gregory for Target line hit the racks last week. I haven’t had the horror of viewing the line up close, but based on the leopard trashfest pictured at right, it’s not worth any of our time. This number is skankier than the worst of Forever 21, 100% silk or no. Someone over at Rogan Gregory clearly confused slumming it right with slutting it out, as the dress looks a hell of a lot cheaper than its $39.99 price tag.
The Marimekko option pictured at left puts the Rogan Gregory to shame in more than one capacity. It’s not just uber cute and classy; its length, print and cut make it (gasp) totally In. This dress runs for around ten bucks more than its competitor - even so, $50 is a fairly low price to pay for high style of this ilk.
My biggest problemo with Roland Gregory for Target is that it perpetuates the bullshit idea that if you can’t spend big, you can’t look of-the-moment. When was an animal-print, silk t-shirt dress ever a coveted item? What a crock.
And the best slummer is…Marimekko. By an effing landslide.

Cheap JAP 101

Sephora No More-A

I used to consider makeup something that couldn’t be scrimped on. I mean, it’s your face, you wear it every day. What’s an occasional $42 for Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer or $29 for Nars Bronzing Powder? $71 might seem a little steep for two items, but it’s worth spending on stuff you use every day, right?
Wrong. So effing wrong. With brand-name clothes, sometimes you get what you pay for; an F21 dress will probs fall apart before a DVF, and that’s life. But with brand-name makeup, I’ve found the opposite to be true: Cost doth not beget quality.
If you haven’t jumped on the mineral/organic makeup bandwagon yet, it’s time. Not because it’s made with natural anti-oxidants and leaves out most of the 100-plus chemicals used in other makeup. Not because you’ll notice a visible difference in your punim. But because it’s so. freaking. cheap. Continue reading →

Oy Vey!

Barney’s to Make Clothes for the Little People

Soooo, Barney’s is teaming with Target because the economy sucks, err, I mean, because they want Middle America to have access to high fashion. Barney’s’ medium for this beautiful union is designer Rogan Gregory. I would care about this if I knew who Rogan Gregory was. Based on the looks of his collection, he constructs boring shit in varying gray, black and white tones (my bad, Minimalist Chic) that sells for upwards of $500. Thanks to Target, he and Barney’s have come down to earth to sell us stuff for $45 or less. Lucky us!

Hots and Nots

Operation Avoidance: The Jelly Gladiator

The only thing worse than The Return of the Jellies is that legit designers are manufacturing sandals to substantiate the trend. Case in point: The Givenchy Jelly Gladiator. Let’s start with the least offensive of these two shoe trends and why it stinks like poo.

The Gladiator Sandal is, perhaps, the most unflattering shoe ever concocted for women whose calves aren’t the same size as their wrists. The style cuts off the leg at the ankle, and subsequently midgetizes (ooh! new verb!) even the longest and thinnest of limbs. Shoes should always give us the illusion of length, people. And stubby legs are never In.

Onto the Jelly. I don’t have a problem with the 80’s, but I’ve got serious beef with material that looks as cheap as it is. You want to wear them ironically, fine (hipster alert) - they’re $7.99 at Target.

The general consensus on the Givenchy Jelly Gladiator is that it’s, like, totally fabulous. It’s not. It’s a fucking ugly rubber sandal that costs 165 bucks. Viva La Resistance.

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Target Stops Being a Hussie

Nothing gets my thong in a twist like ads that read, “(Insert designer name here) for Target!” I’m not against high-end designers condescending to manufacture clothing for us peons (Now poor people can look cute too! Yaay!); if they don’t stay in business, Forever 21 will be out of shit to copy. But, on the rare occasion that I even find a few pieces of the latest GO. International designer’s stuff at my local Target, they’re always the ugly runts of the “collection.” This makes Target a total cocktease. So when they announced Erin Fetherston as the next Go. International designer, I quashed my hopes in advance.

A word about Ms. Fetherston: I adore her Ready-To-Wear, and was trying to find something spiteful to say about her to keep things on an even keel. But I can’t hate on a girl who says things like, “I think the ultimate luxury in fashion is to be yourself, to celebrate your personality.” It might read like a cheesy soundbite, but I’m pretty cheesy, and this is def something I’d say. We’ve got a Cheap JAP kindred spirit here, people.

When I unexpectedly happened upon this Erin Fetherston for Target top, I realized one of life’s greatest truths: Shopping is like getting laid, and trying too hard to score always means a dry spell. The best dudes come along when you aren’t looking; the same is true for clothes. Continue reading →