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The Top Five Reasons to Endure Century 21

Yesterday, after extensive iPhone camera-snapping and note-taking, I came to the following conclusion: Century 21 is a Cheap JAP’s dream…provided she has the shoppers’ stamina to survive the experience (and I thought I wasn’t an athlete!). The Top Five Reasons that make this store worth your while - read on.

1. The Denim
After observing the dynamic selection of denim styles and brands, I see no reason to pay full price for JAPtastic jeans ever again. I’m not effing kidding. Joe’s, AG’s, Paper Denim, Hudson, J Brand - you name it, it’s there. And it’s usually at least half of what you’d normally pay. Eek!

3. The OMFG Shoe Section

The shoes at Century 21 are the shit. The big cheese. The holy grail of discount designer shopping. The cheaper stuff and new arrivals are upstairs - while I usually don’t have a problem ponying up a Benjamin for some hot Stevens, it’s nice to know they can be had for $60 or less. But the downstairs is truly where it’s at. I’m talking Chloe, Giuseppe Zanotti, Celine, Marc Jacobs - the best of the best. Did I want to kick myself for buying $115 Dolce Vitas after I saw their high-end Chloe inspiration on sale for $119? You bet.

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Label Whore

Indulging Your Inner Label Whore

Part of being a Cheap JAP is rejecting the notion that labels define an article of clothing as good, bad or ugly. Where tops, bottoms, jumpers and dresses are concerned, I’ve pretty much kicked my inner label whore’s ass; she doesn’t blink at the amount of F21 and H&M in my closet, and even concedes that some of it’s cuter than my more JAPtastic garb. With shoes and handbags, she’s a little less forgiving. So sometimes I need to buy her a brand treat to shut her the eff up. This is where Beacon’s Closet comes in.

Beacon’s is one of the few places where you can be a label whore without actually paying for it.

Sure, there’s def stuff from GAP, Zara and the like lining the racks, but all that’s pretty cheap to begin with. As Beacon’s brand offerings range from very budget to uber high-end, I’m always on the hunt for the gems in the latter category. A $20 top from F21 reduced to $7 is good; a $200 Marc Jacobs jacket reduced to $30 is better. Capiche?

These Michael Kors gold pumps - oh sorry, MICHAEL by Michael Kors, how budg of me - probs originally retailed for around $120-ish, which isn’t outrageous to begin with. Alas, I got them for $21.95, reconciling my thrifty and my snooty sides. What a beauteous compromise!

Heel Schpiel

If I Was A Shoe Gal…

If shoes are to you what handbags are to me, I highly recommend getting your tush to Loehmanns, ASAP. Because in the shoe section - amidst the Steve Maddens, Michael Kors, Calvin Kleins and other usual suspects - are some kickass designer heels. Like these Celines.

Both pairs retail for $500 and were on sale for $299.99. They’re expertly crafted, sky-high, and - as much as I hate to admit it - actually look as expensive as they are. I personally wouldn’t blow $300 on a pair of shoes (not to imply that I’m against my mother occasionally surprising me with new Manolos ;). But these were beautiful to the point that I just wanted to try them on for kicks. They didn’t have my size, which is probably a good thing.

In this world, there are Shoe Gals and there are Bag Gals. While I consider myself the latter, these Celines gave me a newfound understanding of you beotches crazy enough to blow your dough on heels you’ll wear twice a month, max. If I’d had money to burn, I might have done the same exact thing.

Nifty Thrifty

Seasonal, Schmeasonal

For me, shopping’s all about instant gratification; nothing kills a consumer’s buzz like the buy-it-now, wear-it-later factor. When I first saw these black-and-purple-suede, over-the-knee boots at Monkey Whistles and Motorbikes (my latest Brooklyn thrift obsession), I immediately tried them on. The fit and the price were right, but I couldn’t possibly get away with suede boots in June, and couldn’t bear the agony of buying them now and waiting until Fall to wear them. So I petted them affectionately, said goodbye, and vowed to find a pair like them in a few months. Then I realized that I’m lucky enough to live in a city where originality continually trumps practicality, a place where you can wear whatever you want, whenever you want with one stipulation: Just make it look cool. And these boots were pretty effing cool.

It’s tough to find quality suede, over-the-knee boots for less than $100. Alas, mine were $58 (don’t hate). I wore them out with an American Apparel Navy Minidress and a silver headband - very mod indeed. If anyone has doubts about the In factor of these boots (believe me, I did), see their designer counterpart i.e. the Prada Suede Color Block Boot (not in stores yet, but can be easily pre-ordered for the equivalent of three rent checks!). I win.

Heel Schpiel

Functional Flats for Dysfunctional Days

I usually trek to and from my serving job in BoCoCa in ripped jean shorts and Havaianas; the last thing I want to do after a shift is change into any shoe that requires blister endurance. But it’s so effing hot out. Too hot for my usual I-Don’t-Give-A-Shit-About-My-Outfit garb i.e. denim and wifebeaters. Too hot for anything other than sundresses. And nothing kills a cute sundress like a beat-up rubber flip flop. Oy.

Sooo, I needed some flat sandals stylish enough for a sundress, yet comfortable enough to not make me want to shoot myself after nine hours on my feet. Behold, the Diba Sallie Sandal - probs the most functional shoe I’ve ever purchased (aside from the Sketchers I wear whilst waitressing, which are effing heinous). I got mine at Something Else and it was the last pair, so that sucks for you. Just kidding. The Dibas can be found online for around $49.99 (they run a teensy bit big - go down half a size).

The best thing about these sandals? They actually stay on your feet when you’re running up and down subway stairs, subsequently reducing the amount of grime that attaches to the bottom of one’s foot in transit.

Ahh, summer in the city. Oy vey.

Hots and Nots

Operation Avoidance: Patricia Field for Payless

To be fair, Patricia Field puts together a mean outfit. The woman proved that high fashion can transform a short, skinny, frizzy-haired, character-nosed Jewish gal into one of the greatest style icons, like, ever. This in turn gives all us short, Jewish gals the cojones to experiment with fashion a la Carrie, and that kind of rocks.

What does not rock is this Patricia Field for Payless biznass. Let’s not forget that this woman is a costume designer, people. Give her vintage dresses and Manolos and she knows how to put them together. Give her the freedom to design her own stuff, and behold this metallic mess of a shoe “collection.”

My problem with metallics is that even the priciest shiny gold/silver/bronze/pewter handbags, sandals and/or stilettos tend to look kinda cheap. It follows that cheap metallics look, well, really cheap (see left…eew). Trendy shoes for thirty-five bucks might seem like a sweet deal, particularly if they’re strategically released in conjunction with a film that idealizes fashion. Know this: Everyone and their mom is wearing Patricia Field for Payless because it’s a novelty, not because the shoes mimic those on Carrie Bradshaw’s little feet. And as soon as they’ve seen and sobbed at the movie the requisite five times, they’ll toss the Payless pumps and take their plastic to Christian Louboutine.

I’m not saying make like Carrie and blow $450 on heels - that’s effing insane. I am saying that, even though $35 doesn’t seem like much, it’s still not worth wasting on trashy, fugly shoes. Pricey-looking heels can easily be had for $70 to $150, and they’ll make you feel a hell of a lot more like SJP than freaking Payless. Viva La Resistance.

Cheap JAP 101

The Myth of the “Under $100 Outfit”

Sooo, Lucky Mag is running a “Summer Under $100″ story that features - you guessed it - warm-weather items under $100. Kudos to them, for serious. Some of the options, like the $50 Wanted Patent Penthouse Heel pictured, are actually as adorable as they are affordable (def just reached my alliteration quota for the day…whatevs). My problem isn’t with the compilation of under-$100 items; approximately 87% of everything I buy meets that criteria. My problem is with the bullshit Lucky was spouting this morning on The Today Show; that a trendy, fab outfit can be had for less than $100. For any girl even remotely concerned with looking loaded (so, like, all of us) the $100 outfit is an effing joke. Why? Two words: Shoes and Handbags.
A Benjamin is more than enough to get you dressed from torso to ankle, no question. But if I’m wearing $7.99 sandals from Forever 21 and a $14.99 bag from Target along with my cheap ensemble, I am not feeling loaded. I am feeling like I’m wearing Forever 21 sandals and a Target bag. (Addendum: Forever 21 is about short-term trend experimentation, not long-term wear - their faux leather shoes tend to have the lifespan of a gnat.).
I’m not suggesting that one needs a different pair of pricey shoes and a different designer bag for every outfit. I am suggesting that spending $100 on a pair of kickass wedges you’ll wear all summer is a better investment than blowing $100 on a head-to-toe outfit that looks as cheap as it is. Where handbags are concerned, well, you know where I stand. Save your dough for one you’ll wear every day, and raid Mommy’s Closet for evening bags. And if you’re in dire need of a quick bag fix, hit a thrift store. You’ll find something that’s a hell of a lot more original (and a lot less likely to out you as cheap) than anything Isaac Mizrahi for Target.

Heel Schpiel

Running from Debt…in Really Cute Shoes

I’m pretty sure my father’s going to have a conniption after he reads this post, so Dad, apologies in advance - one day, I’ll actually be loaded, and I’ll buy you an airplane.
When I opened my Chase checking account, I was told I had good credit. Really, really good credit. $15,000 to be exact. Free to do what I want, indeed. Would I like a credit card? I refused, with all the power of my being. It came in the mail anyway, begging me to activate it. I snipped the sucker in half with scissors. Being broke sucks, but being broke and in credit card debt is a one-way ticket to loserville, no matter how well-dressed you are.
Somewhere in between me switching serving gigs and overdrawing my account, my credit got activated to cover my ass. This scared the shit out of me. I didn’t open my bank statements, didn’t visit Chase’s website, and didn’t do much shopping (sniffle). I had no idea what I’d put on that card over the past few months, and couldn’t bear to look until I accumulated enough moolah to pay some of it off. After a week at my new job, I put a nice chunk of change in the bank. I logged onto online banking. I pulled up the previously and intentionally hidden credit card balance. And breathed a big effing sigh of relief. In three months, I’d put a mere $402.96 on my credit card. I immediately paid off half of it, vowing to pay the balance off after my next deposit. Then I did something stupid. I went shoe shopping. Continue reading →

Heel Schpiel

Croc It To Me

I was flipping through Vogue the other day trying to find something of Cheap JAP caliber amidst the smattering of “Socialite X in Designer Y” photos (No, I don’t give a fuck about what Tinsley Mortimer is wearing, not because she doesn’t have great style, but because I don’t have enough money flying out of my tanned, toned, blonde ass to burn on haute couture. Also because I can’t pronounce “haute.”).
The most interesting thing I came across in the supposed fashion bible was an ad for Crocs. I almost bought Crocs last year - no, not the original fugly ones, I’m neither chef nor gardener - when I saw their version of the ballet flat. Alas, while the Alice Mary Jane is a worthy attempt at an ergonomic, anti-microbial, slip and odor resistant yet not entirely heinous shoe, its most impressive feature is that it’s not as fugly as its inspiration. Yawn.
Enter the Cyprus Wedge. I haven’t tried on a pair, but based on Crocs’ track record, it’s probably the most comfortable pseudo-heel in existence. I’ve never really seen anything like it. I wouldn’t call it high-fashion, but it’s kind of chic (specifically in this color combo - the red and silver pairs are questionable). And the price, at $49.99, isn’t nearly as big of a crock as the spread of $700 snakeskin sandals hailed by this month’s Vogue.

Heel Schpiel

Feel-Good Flats

Flats frustrate me because they necessitate the same, excruciating breaking-in process as heels, wedges and boots without the payoff of adding height to your frame. Last spring, I boycotted flats altogether, opting for Havaianas as my casual footwear of choice. A few subway rides later, my blackened feet resembled those of a homeless person, and not in the cool, derelict way. In addition to a new pedicure, I needed flats cute enough for running around the city that didn’t require extensive breaking-in or Tough Strips Band-Aids. Enter Blowfish.
I was initially weirded out by the square toe (is foot-binding the new thang?) but the shoe gal at Something Else informed me, “Pointy is out, square is in.” After hours of wearing the Blowfishies, my feet weren’t just fully in tact - they felt like they’d been massaged. $40 for flats is good; for flats sans blisters, it’s even better.

Nifty Thrifty

Solving the BJ Equation

By BJ, I mean Boot/Jean, of course. Pervs, all of you. I want you to think long and hard (oops) about what you’d be willing to spend altogether on a pair of kickass boots and jeans. If I still had Daddy’s Amex, I would have said upwards of $400. Thankfully, I have something better than a gold card: A local thrift store.

It’s way too easy to find great jeans and boots sans budget. It’s also not nearly as fun to wear them when their respective price tags make you nauseous in retrospect.

I know, I know, you shouldn’t scrimp on jeans, which I’ve been doing extensively as of late. But I can’t help it if this $20 pair looks as fab as its $200 designer counterparts. Belted and tucked into rubber wedge snow boots (also $20) the BJ combo screams seventies coolness.

Fractions aren’t my forte, but I believe $40 is one tenth of $400 - what I would have paid, once upon a time, for jeans and boots. Many thanks, once again, to Beacon’s Closet for providing me with new versions of a few of my favorite things…at a tenth of the price.

Oy Vey!

An Ugh! for Uggs.

I can’t understand is why Uggs are perceived as stereotypically JAPpy footwear. It’s fucking insulting. I try my best to live by the phrase, “Fashion, not function.” Ugglies exemplify the converse of said phrase. It might be winter in New York City, but it’s an unseasonably warm one; we’re not dealing with temperatures that necessitate Australian Sheepskin. So why, WHY, do I continually see otherwise-cute outfits marred by these shapeless, hideous, cliched boots? Because people still think they’re cool. Here’s why they’re not. Continue reading →

Heel Schpiel

High Heels, Low (ish) Prices

After mourning the loss of my Dolce snakeskin pumps, I realized something: A Cheap JAP’s love of fashion should never inhibit her life. If she’s running late for dinner with some friends, she’s got neither time to plod along daintily to preserve her pricey heels, nor money to splurge on a cab. If you don’t spend $300 on designer shoes, you won’t freak about tossing them after a few months of night time pavement-pounding.

With clothing, I stick to the no-one-item-over-40-bucks rule as diligently as possible; this allows me at least two or three things for a Benjamin. Some shoes can be had for $40 or less: Converse, Havaianas, flats on sale, etc. But high heels are different, and don’t give me that Payless crap - this is about looking loaded too, people.

These adorable Guess and Steven by Steve Madden heels were purchased at Bloomingdales (whose shoe selections are, shockingly, not entirely overpriced). If memory serves, my bill totaled $130 - the Guesses were around $50, the Stevens around $80.

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Heel Schpiel

A Caustic Splurge: Designer Heels

I firmly believe that a great handbag and a fabulous pair of shoes paired with a white t-shirt and jeans is all one needs to achieve effortless chic. The subtext of “great” and “fabulous” usually reads “very, very expensive,” but for me, the jury’s still out on shoes. Here’s why.

This Dolce and Gabbana snakeskin pump is perhaps one of the most gorgeous things I’ve ever purchased - I got the pair “on sale” at Saks, $550 reduced to $300. I was spoiled enough to think this was a bargain at the time, what with Daddy’s plastic and all.

I genuinely loved these shoes, and love makes you do stupid things like bring your snakeskin pumps to Northwestern and wear them out to frat parties when there’s still snow on the ground. Soon, the heels were peeling and gnarled; no cobbler could save them.

Can a shoe be both fabulous and reasonably priced? It’s a tall order, but worth an attempt in the very least.

Mommy's Closet

Your Mom…(and her closet)

Stealing from stores might be illegal, but stealing from Mommy’s wardrobe is essential for the fiscally responsible fashionista. Choose your stolen goods wisely - new purchases and anything she wears regularly are strictly off limits (for my Mom, this usually means workout gear, so no biggie). Always ask before you take, not because you need permission, but because asking your Mom to “borrow” her material wares is an indirect way of saying you admire her style. This will make her feel young, and possibly result in an impromptu bonding experience (read: shopping trip) on her (read: Daddy’s) dime.

That my mother and I are not the same shoe size is perhaps God’s biggest joke on me. Mere inches stand between me and racks and racks of thousands of dollars worth of stilettos, a third of which she’s never worn and never will. Last year, I found myself in her closet surveying the dire situation. I’d just finished my ritual of trying on 4 or 5 pairs of her least worn/most coveted heels to no avail. My feet had not grown, hers had not shrunk, things were
looking grim.

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