CheapJAP

Nifty Thrifty

Buy Now, Wear Later…But Only If It’s Cheap

I rarely buy things I can’t wear immediately, in part because I don’t have the patience for it, and in part because said things aren’t usually on sale. Those of us continually strapped for cash don’t have the luxury of paying full price for Fall wardrobe “pieces” before there’s even the slightest nip in the air. Instead, we have the good sense to know a practical purchase when we see it - i.e. a tan, v-neck Club Monaco sweater tagged for $14.95 at Beacon’s Closet - and snap it up immediately.

In my experience, Club Monaco v-neck sweaters are as pricey as they are versatile. This is probs why Mommy flipped out when I borrowed, washed, and dried her black one into a shrunken, pilled mess last year. Oopsies. My tan version says “Dry Clean Only”: In my world, that means “Turn inside out and wash in parents’ fancy washer on cold water, gentle cycle; hang dry,” or, if desperate, “Hand wash; hang dry.”

The bubblegum pink no-namer serves the same function as the Club Monaco v-neck - a thin, transitional sweater, perfect for layering into Fall and throughout the chillier months - so I probs didn’t need it. But, at $11.95, I couldn’t really justify not buying it. (Italics in previous sentence intended to distract from double-negative grammar crime, btdubs).

Cheap JAP 101

Leotards and Boobs: How to Deal

In general, high-waisted bottoms should always be paired with a tucked-in top. It’s not a total faux pas to wear them with an untucked shirt, but then you can’t see the high waist, so really, what’s the point of rocking the style at all?

The sartorial snag occurs when you tuck your shirt into your awesome F21 shorts and notice that the shirt has bunched beneath the surface, resulting in wrinkles nearly as offensive as panty lines. Possibly my pants are just too tight…whatevs, you only live once.

I recently expressed my irritation over this serious matter to an American Apparel salesgirl. She, of course, suggested the very same leotard she was wearing at the time - an easy solution for her cute little A-cups. But for those of us with serious boobage, not so much. Or so I thought…until I re-discovered an item I haven’t worn since my JV soccer days: The sports bra.

The sports bra is THE solution to this two-part fashion conundrum; it enables the well-endowed to don leotards without flopping all over the place or showcasing their lingerie, which in turn completes the leotard + high-waisted bottoms = zero shirt wrinkles equation.

Is the overall look a little bit Flashdance? Was Jennifer Beals the most adorably sexy thang ever to don legwarmers? Yes and yes. I love the 80s, and you should too.

I Love A Good Story

The Perils of South Jersey Boutiques

I kid you not - South Jersey boasts the kind of JAPtastic boutiques that rival the best of Soho. Like my fellow hometown JAPs, I once used the, “What, there’s no sales tax!” excuse to rationalize shopping at such places. My friend Sarah still does. When she mentioned she’d hit Knit Wit - probs the most awesomely expensive boutique I’ve ever shopped - she did so with a wicked smirk on her face.

Sarah donned her purchases for drinks Saturday night. To anyone with an undiscerning eye, she was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. But my razor-sharp JAPdar went on label-alert; she looked too good to have not spent a bundle on her outfit. The jeans were, unsurprisingly, J Brand and - after seeing them in person - I can’t blame Sarah for staying true to her denim snob instincts. They are that fabulous.

When I inquired after the tee and Sarah pretended not to hear me, I knew something was up. I asked again.

-Sarah, is the tee Knit Wit too?
-I can’t even talk about it.
-Why? Did you seriously spend $60 on a white t-shirt?
-Worse. You’re going to kill me. Continue reading →

Cheap JAP 101

Basic Tees, Infinite Possibilities

I’ve probably gone through sixty or so assorted James Perse, Splendid, Three Dot and Michael Stars shirts throughout the course of my JAPpy existence. Only when I found myself without Daddy’s plastic did I realize the absurdity of the $50 t-shirt. Still, I wasn’t initially sure that the fabulous fit and quality reminiscent of my once-fave brands for basics could be found elsewhere. Enter American Apparel.

Over the past month, I’ve accumulated five bonafide basic shirts from the store - the Baby Rib Basic Short Sleeve Tee in white and the Tri-Blend Short Sleeve Deep V-Neck in grey in addition to the three shirts pictured. The colorful tanks are a refreshing departure from my usual, plain ol’ wifebeaters, and look fab layered under button-down shirts or jumpers. The tees can be tucked into high-waisted shorts and paired with wedges as easily as they can be thrown on with jeans.

Ideally, basics worn continually in different combinations keep your peers from realizing that they’ve seen the same shirt on you three times in a row. What I love about American Apparel’s isn’t just the price (all are less than half of what a JAP typically ponies up for a “perfect white tee”); it’s the quality. It’s not like, “Oh, for eighteen bucks, that’s a great-fitting tee.” It’s like, “How is your tee as cute as mine when I paid $54 for Splendid and you paid $24 for effing American Apparel? So not fair!”

Label Whore

Brand Name Tees for Less Monies

My recent experience at Bloomies’s “sale” affirmed for me the ridiculousness of paying full price for certifiably JAPtastic tees. I’m the first to admit that tees of the Splendid, James Perse and C&C California ilk tend to fit better and last longer than their cheap counterparts. But they can and should always be purchased on sale. Why? Because at the end of the day, Short Sleeve Vintage V Neck, is just another name for a freaking $53 t-shirt.

I found this Michael Stars tank in a half-off bin at Park Slope’s Fifth Avenue Fair - $36 is a slightly annoying price to pay for a tee, but $18? That I can do. Yes, a bonafide brand name tee at a street fair is a rarity. Hit the sale rack at any Intermix, Scoop or Big Drop and you’ll eventually find a similarly JAPtastic basic at a similarly awesome price. And don’t sweat the glares of the saleswomen - they make 8 bucks an hour, and they’re all in credit card debt.

Love With Hate Icing

Surprise! BITTEN Actually Doesn’t Bite

I’ll fess up: Before I even hit Steve & Barry’s to check out BITTEN, I’d already deemed the line as cheap-looking as its cost, and was eagerly anticipating an affirmation of my snap judgment.

Maybe it was the “Fashion is not a luxury, it’s a right” propaganda plastered above the racks; maybe I’d never actually seen women of all ages, ethnicities and sizes fighting over the same clothing; maybe it was that every item was, in fact, priced at $8.98. But I got this warm and fuzzy feeling that promoting inclusion in an industry that’s been too exclusive for too long via inexpensive, stylish clothes can’t possibly be a bad thing.

While BITTEN has its fair share of ho-hum basics, there are enough trendy pieces (high-waisted shorts, floral shirtdresses) to make it palatable for the fashion-conscious. Pair the white tee with a good bra and unbutton the top few buttons; it’s totally hot. And the birdie graphic seriously ups the cute factor of an otherwise-basic gray tank. Continue reading →

Hots and Nots

Operation Avoidance: The One-Shoulder Top

Guess who influences approximately 98% of fashion’s trends?
Gay men. And guess who gay men have in mind when they’re designing women’s clothing? Other men. Hence the re-surfacing of one of the most non-female friendly styles ever conceived: the one-shoulder top.

Even women built like prepubescent boys have boobs to contend with. I suppose strapless bras are an option if you want to rock your B-cups in this trend, but I have yet to find one that doesn’t need to be hiked up, like, every three minutes in order to thwart the dreaded double boobage.

The one-shoulder top contradicts one of the laws of fashion: True style never looks like it’s trying too hard. Do yourself a favor and don’t waste your money on a cut that’s so obviously unintended for the majority of the female population. Viva La Resistance.

Coolier Than Thou

Already Over It: Uniqlo Tees

Okay, so everyone’s totally ga-ga over Uniqlo’s artist/photog-designed tees as of late. Possibly they’re just ga-ga over the ads for said artsy tees, which feature Chloe Sevigny and Japan’s version of Johnny Depp - wait for it - “portraying characters and emotions found within the t-shirts.” Acting is so deep, people. So are t-shirts.
I’m not sure if the tees I tried on at Uniqlo a few weeks ago were of the Keith Haring and Basquiat ilk; I am sure that, regardless of being reasonably priced and kind of cool, they fit like shit. Particularly for those of us with boobs, and I don’t mean Chloe’s cute little A-cups. Remember: A tee that fits you perfectly always looks classy, i.e. more expensive than it is. A tee that’s of-the-moment but ill-fitting always looks like a $16.99 shirt. Until Uniqlo’s American invasion extends to the company’s re-engineering their tees for American breasts, I’m staying off of this wagon.

Coolier Than Thou

Cheap Tees, So Monies

…as long as they’re bonafide vintage, that is - Stuff White People Like says so. Stuff White People Like is the only blog I read for fun. Why? Because most blogs are either so grammatically retarded and/or uber predictable that I feel partially lobotomized post-consumption. Stuff White People Like might be more lifestyle than actual style, but I’m willing to defer to their views on fashion because those beotches crack me up. Continue reading →

Nifty Thrifty

The Maharajah of Thrift: Beacon’s Williamsburg

It’s pretty obvs by now that I’m maniacally obsessed with the Park Slope outpost of Beacon’s Closet. I assumed that their Williamsburg shop was similarly excellent save for the fact that, well, it’s in Williamsburg, land o’ the anti-JAPs. A combination of sloth and fear hindered my urge to check out the store until recently, when I suffered a fruitless experience at Beacon’s Park Slope. So I bit the bullet that is the L train and found my way to its sister store. Beacon’s Williamsburg is approximately 10 times the size of its Park Slope sister. Clothes are organized by color throughout the massive, warehouse-esque space and shoes of varying degrees of awesomeness sit atop the clothing racks. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I almost couldn’t shop. Almost.

This Alice and Olivia sweater/shirt thang is 85% silk, 15% cashmere and probs retailed for at least $150 in it’s prime. I got it for $19.95. Booyah. Continue reading →

Navigatrix

Target Stops Being a Hussie

Nothing gets my thong in a twist like ads that read, “(Insert designer name here) for Target!” I’m not against high-end designers condescending to manufacture clothing for us peons (Now poor people can look cute too! Yaay!); if they don’t stay in business, Forever 21 will be out of shit to copy. But, on the rare occasion that I even find a few pieces of the latest GO. International designer’s stuff at my local Target, they’re always the ugly runts of the “collection.” This makes Target a total cocktease. So when they announced Erin Fetherston as the next Go. International designer, I quashed my hopes in advance.

A word about Ms. Fetherston: I adore her Ready-To-Wear, and was trying to find something spiteful to say about her to keep things on an even keel. But I can’t hate on a girl who says things like, “I think the ultimate luxury in fashion is to be yourself, to celebrate your personality.” It might read like a cheesy soundbite, but I’m pretty cheesy, and this is def something I’d say. We’ve got a Cheap JAP kindred spirit here, people.

When I unexpectedly happened upon this Erin Fetherston for Target top, I realized one of life’s greatest truths: Shopping is like getting laid, and trying too hard to score always means a dry spell. The best dudes come along when you aren’t looking; the same is true for clothes. Continue reading →

Love With Hate Icing

Anthropricegougemie, You’ve Been Had

I’ve built up a tolerance to browsing sans buying shit I can’t afford, but no store tests my resolve like Anthropricegougemie. Some of their stuff’s a tad whimsical for my taste - if a fashion-conscious nymph or fairy wandered out of the forest and into New York, she’d be dressed head to toe in this store’s garb - but most of their items are so beautiful and interesting, they actually seem worth the cost. They’re not.

This adorable ruffled top was originally priced at $78. I saw it a few months ago and didn’t look at it twice. I saw it a few weeks ago on sale for $39.95 and still didn’t bite - I can’t rationalize purchasing a thin, flimsy top in December unless the price is really right. I went back a few days ago: $19.95.

Continue reading →