CheapJAP

DIY Dallying

The Art of Gift Giving: Iron-On Felt!

Now, while the PC term “Happy Holidays” technically includes Chanukah, most of my tribe understands that our version of Christmas is what Tofurkey is to Thanksgiving: A meatless substitute that pales in comparison to the real thing. We still do gifts, but they’re never from Santa. Sniffle.

This year, Mom, Dad and Little Bro Matt all got versions of my own go-to apparel (because I can’t possibly imagine a better gift than the opportunity to dress like me!). Alas, one can only get so excited about Uniqlo Heat-Tech Shirts and American Apparel Tri-Blend Tees, so I took things up a notch by lettering their gifts with the most frequently uttered phrases in our house.


Dritz Iron-On Touch Letters (no sewing required, obvs) were my weapon of choice. “You ASS!” is beloved by us all, but it went to Mom for her continually impassioned delivery; Matt got “EFF OFF” because it’s my line and - like “fetch” - I’m trying to make it happen with America’s youth. Dad’s shirt - not pictured because he’d already worn it out of the house pre-photo shoot - reads “Big Piece of Chicken” a la Chris Rock, whom he’s fond of quoting. Truer words were never spoken.

After everyone recovered from shock at my having used an iron (a) by choice and (b) without injuring myself or others, they had a nice chuckle over their new garb. Is there a better present than laughter? I don’t THINK so.

Merry Whatever to you and yours.

Cheap JAP 101

Layer Cake, Piece by Piece

I try to ignore the idea of winterwear as much as possible, as I much prefer minidresses to thick wool sweaters.

This penchant for revealing clothing often results in uncomfortably cold commutes that necessitate speedwalking to warm myself up - NBD, until a few days ago, when the windchill rivaled Chi-town’s and brought back horrific college memories of walking the mile to and from class in Turtle Fur. I shuddered, and set aside the gray crochet tights I’d planned on wearing; exposed skin probs wasn’t a good idea.

But hark! I could layer the tights over another pair, couldn’t I?

And if two pairs of tights weren’t warm enough, I had legwarmers too!

I could wear my black satin-esque Target minidress after all!

Layer One: Gray Heat Tech Top (Uniqlo), Hot Pink Tights (Target)
Layer Two: GO International Kimono Dress, Gray Crochet Tights (Target)
Layer Three: Only Hearts Mesh Ballet Sweater (another Mommy’s Closet snag), Foot Traffic Super-Long Legwarmer (Beacon’s Closet)

With a hat, gloves and puffy vest, I wasn’t just warm. I was warm AND psyched about my outfit. Who knew?!

Cheap JAP 101

How To Order from Uniqlo

Here’s the Heat-Tech Top layered under the Puffer Vest for a truly Uniqlo-riffic (ooh, that was rough) combo.

…it’s a snowbunny…it’s a frigid bitch…it’s…WINTER JAP! And she’s here to rescue you ladies from Uniqlo deprivation.

“What’s the story with Uniqlo and online shopping? I’m in TX (howdy!) and no where close to an actual store.”
From Functional AND Fab: More Uniqlo, 2008/11/13 at 5:41 PM

An excellent question, cowgirl. I was initially perplexed by this myself: While you obvs shouldn’t need to live in NYC to feel the Uniq-love too (okay, this is getting out of hand), the online shopping situation is more than sketchy. Unless you’re fluent in Japanese, in which case, have fun converting yens to dollars.

This took me a solid half hour to figure out, but that might just be because I’m technologically ’special.’ You’re welcome. Here’s the deal: Uniqlo doesn’t use played-out verbs like “Shop” or verbose phrases like “Browse Apparel.” They’re cutting edge, people. To see the goods is to explore the untapped world of well-made clothes at reasonable prices. Hence the EXPLORER button. (Located under the Product & Style tab on the upper left side of the homepage, url: http://www.uniqlo.com/us/).

After you’ve officially entered the labyrinth, you’ll likely be looking for a means to itemize and consolidate your choices; something commonly referred to as a “Shopping Cart.” There is none. In the spirit of elusiveness there is, instead, a “List” to which you add your potential purchases. After making your selections, you’ll likely be looking for a “Checkout” button. There is none. To purchase your goodies, you have to do something kind of awkward and icky and antiquated. You have to pick up the phone, dial (877) 4-UNIQLO (toll-free) and talk to a real, live human being. Soooo old school, right?!

The toll-free number goes directly to their Soho store. Uniqlo suggests confirming the availability and pricing of your intended purchases via email before you order (customer.orders@uniqlo-usa.com), but I was told this was an unnecessary step when I spoke with a salesperson earlier today. Just give ‘em a ring, and be ready to recite the names/colors/sizes of what you’re ordering (I knew that list had a purpose!)

Enjoy your Uniq-clothes (Oops. I did it again).

Navigatrix

Functional AND Fab: More Uniqlo

In addition to the uber-practical Heat Tech Tops, Uniqlo boasts some kickass outerwear too. I took advantage of their All-Fleeces-For-$20 Promo, and snagged a reversible zip-up number as cute as the Patagonias once coveted by my boarding school besties.

I also picked up a pair of gray skinny jeans ($50) and a hooded down puffy vest ($69.99).

Did I spend more than I intended to? Obvs. Thankfully, I was armed with $300 in Amex gift cards; a sum which MIGHT have gotten me one item had I spent it at Lucky Shops. The four Heat Tech tops, reversible fleece, puffy vest and grey pants - that’s SEVEN items, all of which I’ll wear all winter long - cost me $180 and change at Uniqlo.

It’s not just Uniqlo’s prices that won me over; it’s their ability to produce well-made, body-conscious clothes at those prices (like, wait till you see the gray skinny jeans on…I’m kvelling).

I’ve always subscribed the the Fashion-Not-Function school of thought. But sometimes, a girl’s gotta get real and accept that it’s not okay to shiver for the sake of style…

and that it’s more than okay to stay warm in Uniqlo!

Navigatrix

Ga Ga For Uniqlo

I wasn’t initially on board with the whole Uniqlo thang; their stuff always seemed a little too minimalist/classic for my slightly ridiculous taste. But when my uber-fashion-forward pal Ellie went nutso for their Heat Tech Tops, I decided to give the brand another whirl.
Weather-wise, I’m not the most practical of shoppers. I loathe wool sweaters, bulky coats and Uggs; I think cashmere’s played out and overrated. This means I’m perpetually cold. Uniqlo’s Heat Tech Top doesn’t just take the edge off the chill - the rayon-blend “efficiently absorbs water vapor from the body and converts it to heat,” i.e. it kinda makes you sweat a little, but in a good way. It’s thin enough that it can be worn under anything, cute enough to stand alone, and awesome enough that it’s turned me into an advertising whore. And it’s a mere $10.35. I bought four; I have a feeling I’ll be back for more.

Coolier Than Thou

Already Over It: Uniqlo Tees

Okay, so everyone’s totally ga-ga over Uniqlo’s artist/photog-designed tees as of late. Possibly they’re just ga-ga over the ads for said artsy tees, which feature Chloe Sevigny and Japan’s version of Johnny Depp - wait for it - “portraying characters and emotions found within the t-shirts.” Acting is so deep, people. So are t-shirts.
I’m not sure if the tees I tried on at Uniqlo a few weeks ago were of the Keith Haring and Basquiat ilk; I am sure that, regardless of being reasonably priced and kind of cool, they fit like shit. Particularly for those of us with boobs, and I don’t mean Chloe’s cute little A-cups. Remember: A tee that fits you perfectly always looks classy, i.e. more expensive than it is. A tee that’s of-the-moment but ill-fitting always looks like a $16.99 shirt. Until Uniqlo’s American invasion extends to the company’s re-engineering their tees for American breasts, I’m staying off of this wagon.