With the new year comes new advice on how to improve one’s figure. Awesome timing, what with everyone feeling like fatties on account of excessive peanut brittle/fudge/sugar cookie consumption (wait, that’s just me, and it’s my boyfriend’s mother’s baking prowess’s fault.) There’s The Long and Lean Workout! The Strong and Slim Yoga Sequence! The 2-Day Cleanse! The Saucer Size Plate Diet! Glossies seem to have an answer to every arm, leg, thigh, butt and tummy problem in the book, but there’s one body issue that continually goes unaddressed: the lack of a definitive break between the end of one’s calf, and the beginning of one’s foot.
Cankles cannot be blamed on weight gain. They’re immune to diet and exercise. Either you’re born with them, or you’re not. It seems unfair to critique the cankle, as having or not having them is the result of blind genetic luck. Luckily, donning a pair of sneakers crafted in their likeness remains a matter of choice.
Behold, the See by Chloe Hi Top Wedge Sneaker.
I’m guessing the logic behind its creation went something like this: Hipsters made ugly clothes cool – hey, I know, let’s do it with sneakers! We’ll make shoes so ugly, they’re cool!
The shape of the shoes is offensive as it is, but the color – nude? Really? What the eff are you trying to do, further chunk up the leg by making it indistinguishable from the fucking ugly sneaker to which it’s unfortunately attached?
Also, the Cankle-Tops cost $345.00. Offensive, but still not as gross as the shoe itself. BARF.