DKNY Satin Blazer Prompts Newbie Cheap JAP Breakthrough Moment

I NEED to go shopping but I’m SOOOO broke. Help. This, from my girl Krip, via gChat. While I’d had previous success converting my childhood bestie to Forever 21, the look of disgust on her face upon entering Beacon’s Closet that day outed her as Queen O’ the Thrift Skeptics, if there were such a position.

I’ve known Krip long enough to know that for her, ‘broke’ means she doesn’t want to spend more than $100. Even so, I understand why she equates $100 to nada – in her world of Meatpacking boutiques, that figure might buy her half a shoe. In my world of the gently-worn, $100 bucks is enough for at least four things, sometimes more. But even that promise couldn’t counter the same look of disgust that crossed Krip’s face this past Sunday, mere moments after entering Housing Works’ Chelsea store. Oy. This shit was going to require my full attention and some strategic negotiating.

Me: Nice face.
Krip: Whatevs, I haven’t walked out yet.
Me: If you try on everything I pull for you here, you don’t have to go to another thrift store today. Or ever again. Deal?
Krip: Dealskies.

A knee-length black BCBG skirt with silver snap details took Krip from disgusted to only slightly skeptical; said skepticism was subsequently quashed by a Paul Stuart tuxedo shirt in mint condition. And right before we entered the dressing room, a lavender tunic/vest thingy prompted legit interest – the brand was unrecognizable, but the material was unmistakable. 100% cashmere. We JAPs have a sixth sense for these things.

All three items fit fabulously, and were bought with money to spare. Krip’s visible excitement over the cashmere tunic’s $13 pricetag meant she’d realized the look-loaded potential of secondhand clothes, but I knew she wasn’t yet fully converted. She was, however, encouraged enough to hit HWorks’ Gramercy location for another round.

Once there, I reassessed my strategy. I knew Krip had been looking for a new blazer; finding her one might seal the deal. Just then, I came across a DKNY black satin stunner of a jacket. Dressy enough to wear as a suit separate, versatile enough to up the chic-factor on a pair of jeans – the piece was just so Right. It fit Krip perfectly, and while its quality merited the collective victory dance we gave it, its $55 pricetag was more than I’d anticipated. Krip has willingly paid at least three times that for blazers in the past; to her, this was a bigtime score. But I knew it was too pricey to prompt the Breakthrough Moment I’d been aiming for. AND THEN…

Hang on. The story’s conclusion requires a word on the Breakthrough Moment in general and as it applies here. Bella Swan’s happened when she asked her vampire boyfriend to bite her neck; Carrie Bradshaw’s happened after she slept with one of her therapist’s patients (played by Bon Jovi, mrrow). And mine happened upon finding a killer Tahari blazer at Goodwill for eleven buckaroos. For some, a breakthrough moment is the point at which you realize you’d rather live in love than die without it. For others, it’s the last straw that proves you pick the wrong men.

For Cheap JAPs, it’s the material proof of your ability to shop cheap and still look loaded. The Breakthrough Moment implies an involuntary kind of commitment; experiencing it is synonymous with embarking on a new course, and never looking back. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Anyway, back to Krip. We get to the register and she takes out her debit card, more than okay with forking over $55 for the killer satin DKNY blazer. When the staffer rings it up, the number $13.75 appears on the screen.

Krip: Wait, I’m confused. Is it $13.75 off of $55 for some reason?
HWorks Staffer: No. That’s your total.
Krip: Wait. WHAT?!
HWorks Staffer: It’s on sale for $13.75. All outerwear is 75% Off.

At this point, I danced a little jig and did the dirt-off-your-shoulder move. Krip picked her jaw up off the floor and started yelling to no one in particular.

Did you SEE that?! That was INSANE! I’ve spent more on bullshit from H&M! What was I THINKING shopping at Saks?! I’ve never paid so little for something so awesome in my life!

And there it is, ladies. The Breakthrough Moment that transforms a princess into a Cheap JAP in one fell swoop.

Totally amped from the day, us Cheap JAPs had enough adrenaline left over for one last stop. We ended up at City Opera Thrift Shop across the street, but it wasn’t my idea. It was Krip’s.