Shopping Practice At Goodwill

Shopping, like any skill, requires dedication and practice if one hopes to achieve mastery. You want to be a concert pianist, you toil at scales until your hands cramp. You want to be an Olympic swimmer, you accept chlorine as your natural scent (and/or take bong rips, muhaha).

You want to be a total badass at shopping? You take on the Goodwill in Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey.

I’ve had some success at NYC-Metro area Goodwills, but never have I had the audacity to tackle one in Suburbia. A lap around the store and a peek at some of the brands suggested I was considerably outmatched: When worn-out castoffs from Old Navy, GAP, Express, Target and Wet Seal are most noteworthy items, you know you’re totally effed. I needed a new strategy ASAP, so I self-imposed a rule more applicable to museums than stores: Look, Don’t Touch.

The Look-Don’t-Touch Sorting Method
(Okay, it’s more like Look, Don’t Take, as you can’t really Look at clothes without using your hands, but you get what I’m saying.)

1. Choose X type of clothing (i.e. shirts, pants, skirts, etc.), and establish where X is.

2. Sort through the first X rack, hanger by hanger, piece by piece. Make a mental note of anything of interest, but DO NOT physically remove any individual X from the rack.

3. Repeat for every X rack in the store.

4. After familiarizing yourself with all X racks, pause for a Zen moment. Think of all the Xs you’ve just seen. The ones you remember most clearly are the only ones you’re allowed to try on.

Applying this method to the nine massive racks of shirts in EHT’s Goodwill proved remarkably effective. Had I been hauling around all the crap I was initially interested in, I might have been too frustrated and/or exhausted to notice this shiny, old school, fitted FILA jersey ($3.99, shit you not). It wasn’t the only fab thing I found either! Stay tuned.