Housing Works Narrowly Escapes My Wrath

Dear Housing Works,

Here’s the deal: You know I’m impressed by your $20 all-you-can-stuff bag sales and by your charitable nature. I’m psyched the recession has designers clamoring to collaborate with you, and am obvs planning on hitting the Fashion for Action Public Sample Sale later this month. On the whole, I’m a fan. That being said, I’ve noticed some seriously sketchy shit happening with your price points as of late.

To quote Elaine Miller in Almost Famous, I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON.

Look, you want to charge $80 for a barely-worn, mint condition designer dress, fine. But when I continually see pilling, pit-stained and/or moth-eaten merch tagged at $50 or above, it’s time for a sit down. I don’t care what the label says – if it’s damaged goods, you best not have the audacity to price it at over twenty bucks.

I didn’t stop by your Gramercy location the other day to shop; I was there to collect visual proof of this unsettling scheme. Then I found a white Theory ‘Elizabeth Stay’ Turtleneck in spectacular shape, and my entire operation was subsequently derailed.

A $15.00 Theory turtleneck with no visible wear or tear is a bonafide gem, and it’s the reason you’re getting off with a warning. There will be no damning photographic evidence for the time being.

If this too-big-for-your-britches price point bullshit continues, however, I will ransack your stores, pretend to try on the overpriced, worn-out designer garb, and get camera-happy in the dressing room.

That’s not a threat. It’s a promise.

Mwah!

Cheap JAP