The Newbie Cheap JAP’s Tour de Shopping: NYC Installment

After reading and reviewing carefully the Rules for Newbie Cheap JAPs, you should be relatively well-prepared for your first foray into the world of re-sale shopping. Before you depart, arm yourself with the following:

No-Hands Bag

Something worn across the shoulder in the messenger style, an actual backpack, an ironic fanny pack, whatever. Just make sure you have full range of motion with both arms.

Lightweight Coat

And/or none at all. Any outerwear should be light enough that it can be worn indoors without your sweating like a piglet. I don’t care how cold it is. You lose 90% of your body heat through your head anyway, so don some warm weather accessories and suck it up.

Functional Footwear

Something comfortable, obvs, but also something that makes you feel like a badass on the move. Superwoman always wore flat boots. I’m just sayin’.

Appropriate Underthangs

Don’t deviate from what you usually wear (unless you’re usually commando, in which case, put on a thong for fuck’s sake). And I highly, highly recommend throwing a camisole into the mix, as they’re an excellent means to avoiding dressing room lines.

Metrocard

A $10 cab ride is one less shirt you can buy. Fuhgetaboutit.

Buffalo Exchange, 332 E. 11th St. (between 1st and 2nd Ave.)

Hit It: Jeans, dresses and blazers. You’ll see everything from Joe’s, Seven, DVF and MARC by Marc Jacobs to GAP, Banana Republic, American Apparel and Forever 21.

Save It Fo Lata: Blouses, sweaters, tees and shoes. The amount of tops is impressive, but can be overwhelming for a re-sale first-timer to sift through. Per the shoes: Carting around a cumbersome purchase all day is ill-advised.

Oft Overlooked: The accessories case up front. Kickass, brand name shades (i.e. old school MJ bugeye frames) for around $35 bucks. Word.

In Transit – Hang a Louie outta the store, walk up to Second Ave., make another Left. Head down Second; make a Right onto St. Marks Place; walk toward Third/Astor/Lafeyette/Clusterfuck of an intersection ahead. (FYI, you’re heading toward Broadway, specifically the 8th St./NYU Subway).

Snacky Poo – BAMN!! automat, 37 St. Marks Place. Do not deny yourself the opportunity to eat mac & cheese out of a vending machine. Do NOT.

Le Toilette - Starbucks, 8th St. and Astor Place. If you’re not as shameless as me, buy a water or something in exchange for loo access.

Train – 8th St./NYU Station, N Downtown/to Coney Island. That’s right, beotches – we’re going to Brooklyn. Get off at Atlantic Ave.; exit at the intersection of Flatbush and Atlantic. Walk South on Flatbush toward Pacific St.; make a Right onto 5th Ave.
Beacon’s Closet, 92 5th Avenue (@ Warren St.) (Those in the know might be thinking, “Wait, we were in the East Village near the L – wouldn’t the Williamsburg Beacon’s have been more convenient?” Transit-wise, yes; sanity-wise, no. The original Beacon’s is three times the size of the Park Slope location; it takes three times as long to find anything and the employees are three times as nasty. Williamsburg is also the most judgmental place on the entire Eastern Seaboard, so EFF THAT.)

Hit It: Tops, dresses, coats. You’ll see some Theory, James Perse, Zara, H&M and some seriously old school trench coats.

Save It Fo Lata: The selection of pants and skirts isn’t so killer.

Oft Overlooked: Foot Traffic legwarmers are the best legwarmers ever, and they’re right up front along with a colorful selection of tights.

In Transit – Walk North on 5th Ave. toward Prospect Place; make Right on Bergen St.; walk up to Flatbush; hop on the Uptown 3 train.

Snacky Poo – A better-than-Pinkberry fix is a little out of your way, but well worth it – walk 3ish blocks South on 5th for uber-green, Greek-style yogurt at Oko. For a java hit, check out Gorilla Coffee across the street.

Le Toilette – Gorilla’s got one, but don’t even think about using it without getting a coffee. This is Park Slope, people. One Mom sees you use a Customers-Only restroom without patronizing the store, and you’re banned for life. Train – Once on the Bergen St. 3 train Uptown, get off at Borough Hall. Exit near intersection of Cadman Plaza East & Cadman Plaza West; walk West on Montague St. toward Clinton St.

Housing Works, 122 Montague St.

Hit It: Shirts, sweaters, pants, the works. The store isn’t that big, and a lot of the never-worn donated stuff still has its original tags.

Save It Fo Lata: The pricey furs/coat rack up front. Better options elsewhere for this shiznat. Oft Overlooked: The baskets of belts and scarves throughout the store. Uber fun and uber cheap.

In Transit - Walk East on Montague St. toward Henry St.

Le Toilette – Hang a Right on Court St. and you’ll see Barnes and Noble a few blocks up.

Train – Take the R Train from Court St. Station heading Uptown/Forest Hills. Get off at 8th St./NYU; walk East on 8th toward Lafeyette. Left on Astor; Right on St. Marks; Right on 2nd Ave; Left on 7th St.

Tokio 7, 64 E. 7th St. (between 1st and 2nd Ave.) (What?! This is SO EFFING CLOSE to Buff Exchange! Why is it LAST?! It’s last because it’s pricey, and if you’d hit it earlier, you’d have blown your dough for the day in one fell swoop. The stuff is that fabulous.)

Hit It: Unless you’ve got serious moolah to burn, this is more of a special occasions/appreciation-only stop. Check out the shoes, regardless. Christian Lacroix, Prada, Miu Miu, Kate Spade – a veritable orgy of high-end designer shoes, all in pristine condition. Also, dresses; whoever buys here has a serious Marc Jacobs and Diane von Furstenburg fetish. Consider yourself warned.

Save It Fo Lata: Casual apparel, skirts, cardigans, pants. The brands are all kinds of awesome, but the cheapest thing you’ll find is around $50, and we’re not in the market for $50 shirts, ladies. Oft Overlooked: Vintage designer sunglasses and handbags. Oh. My. Gawd.

I hope you enjoy the journey in reality as much as I’ve enjoyed it in my head. I expect a full report on your inevitable success, Miss J.

Viva la Cheap JAP.