Valentine’s Day Lingerie: Sexy vs. Sex Worker

In an oversexed culture, Valentine’s Day isn’t merely a celebration of love; it’s a holiday on which we’re supposed to get laid. Pre-copulation trinkets are traded among couples; anticipatory drinks are purchased among singles. Forget about the notion of sexy as a make-up free woman wearing a man’s button down shirt. On the eve of February 14th, intercourse is the end game, and you BEST have a costume for the occasion. And by costume, I mean apparel inspired by strippers, dominatrixes and burlesque performers. Garter belts, teddies, bustiers and babydolls – shit you’d never otherwise wear and shit he probably doesn’t know how to take off.

Look, I’m not opposed to splurging on a lacy bra and undie set in the spirit of V-day – good boyfriends deserve an occasional reward in the form of a drool-worthy ensemble. I’m just not on board with for-sex-only attire, as it tends to have a lifespan of 15 minutes (hopefully more, if your man has solid foreplay skillz :P).

Sidebar: Ladies, if you’re sleeping with someone on a regular basis and dealing with subpar foreplay, do not grin and bear it. Few things are more confounding to men than our respective hoo-has: You must communicate! A good lover gets off on getting YOU off, and won’t be offended by a little guidance. But for fuck’s sake, be POSITIVE. Do not do what I did in the early stages of my relationship, and allow your frustration to manifest as criticism, eye rolls and an aura of huffiness. This person is trying to please you, and your equipment is infinitely more difficult to master than his. Be patient. Be kind. And be adventurous – “Show, Don’t Tell” is an incredibly effective exercise. According to Dan Savage, men tend to enjoy sex more than women because men start masturbating earlier. You can’t help someone else get you off until you’ve done it yourself, so stop being a prude and get to it. (Yup, I was a sex columnist in college. Spanks for indulging.)

Back to Valentine’s Day garb, and discerning hot, wearable ensembles from those better left on stripper poles.

Let’s play a little game called Sexy vs. Sex Worker.

The cutout teddy is a study in slutty geometry. Hanky Panky‘s Retro Set proves black lace can be classy AND hot.

Is this Halloween? Because that pink and black number is very, very scary. Also confusing. What’s the continuous line from the cleavage to crotch supposed to mean – start at boobs, follow the slutty pink road, and put wee-wee here? The Only Hearts So Fine set is an infinitely more versatile bet.

Calvin Klein
‘s Kyoto Thong/Push-Up Bra combo screams special occasion without looking like it’s trying too hard. Or fondling a blowdryer, for that matter.

The maid costume. Sweet Jesus. For sexual suggestiveness sans cliche, see Hanky Panky‘s After Midnight Bodysuit.

Comments

  1. Full Retard says

    Lucky for me, my girlfriend is both tasteful and sexy year round. But I’m curious about accessories. What column do ball gags go under?

  2. says

    true, I’ve had way too many bad lovers that I’ve had to “train”. Their current girlfriends have thanked me profusely ;)
    This post is reminding me that my underwear drawer is sadly neglected, I love the hanky panky black lace though!

  3. Samie says

    hi. i’m 13 (going on 14 in about 2 months) and i love your blog! i think it’s really awesome. i was thinking about creating a websiteon making drawing, painting, sewing, and making other crafts. a lot of people tell me it’s a good idea, but i’m not sure. what do you think?

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