I wore this outfit to a phenomenal shitshow of a Brooklyn backyard soiree last weekend. (I had my doubts about its fabulosity before leaving my apartment that evening, and only mustered the cojones to go for it by Not Giving a Shit). Said outfit ended up being a big hit with my inebriated (albeit potentially beer-goggled) compadres, so I figure it merits a post.
Let’s start with the fact that when my Mom sees this hacked-up version of her formerly ankle-length Ralph Lauren sundress, she’s going to Kick. My. Ass. (Then again, I performed hemline surgery on the dress sans permission, so I probs deserve it. Mommy – I’m sorry? :). My rational for gettin’ snippy with it was this: The dress hasn’t been worn since 1989 and anything ankle-length midgetizes a 5’2″ frame, so if it was going to be worn por moi, it HAD to be cut. At least now it’s getting used and abused, err, enjoyed. And isn’t that the point of clothes to begin with?
Scissoring a wrap dress is a fairly advanced DIY project; it must be done on the body and as such, involves a series of spinal twists.
The upside is you get to check your work along the way and make the necessary adjustments (like leaving some length in the back for the sake of butt coverage).
After I’d hacked to my heart’s content, I paired the dress with those recently-acquired Twenty-Three Dollar Etienne Aigner Boots from Burlington Coat Factory.
I liked the overall look, but there was one problem: I felt naked.
This dress is almost entirely open-backed, so a tank would have provided the necessary coverage up top. But it was a windy night, and not pulling an insert-name-of-celeb-hot-mess-here meant I needed something more substantial than a Hanky Panky under the skirt. Spandex mini-shorts were a maybe, but a tank tucked into them caused unsightly bunching at the waist.
I needed a one-piece, leotard-esque thing; something that could solve my coverage crisis in one fell swoop. Something like a Spanx Unitard.
I busted out the scissors once more, snipped the legs of the unitard into shorts and BAM! Outfit accomplished.
Thanks to my buds for their continual support of my sartorial risks. This outfit’s cheap. But good friends are priceless.
You can go throw up now. ;)