Wardrobe Bitchslap: The Sifting of the OY VEYs.

The next stage of the Wardrobe Bitchslapping Process starts and ends with an OY VEY. Actually, I’m lying. It starts with you NOT touching and/or attempting to organize the YAY and NAY piles. The reasons for prolonging the disarray will become clear in due time, young Skywalkers. For now, quiet your inner-neat freaks and focus.

When Mom and I got to the OY VEY pile, we repeated variations of the following exchange for almost every article of clothing.

Me: (holding up item) What about this?

Mom: I wear that!

Me: When was the last time you wore it?

Mom: That’s not the POINT. I THINK about wearing it.

Me: MOM!

This is but one example of the kind of waffling you’re apt to indulge in whilst sorting the OY VEYs. Use these three steps to counter the flippity-floppity:

1. STOP, LOOK & LISTEN

Yup, we’re doing a little visual exercise here. Look at the item you’re holding; look at the NAY pile. Look at the item you’re holding; look at the YAY pile. Is the article in question similar in color, cut, style and/or material to your other YAYs or not? If so…

2. TRY IT ON

Immediately. If you’re not comfortable wearing it now, you’re not going to wear it anytime soon, dollface. And don’t give me any of that this-will-look-great-if-I-just-lose-five-pounds bullshit. You’ve got a whole pile of YAYs that look great NOW, and whatever you’re trying to squeeze into obvs shrunk in the dryer and cannot be trusted ;).

3. MAYBE USUALLY MEANS…

NO. But even I can’t go uber-minimalist (oxymoron?) in one Wardrobe Bitchslap. Only you know what you use most in your closet. Only you know what cuts, styles, colors and materials make you feel fab. Sort your OY VEYs according to that, and you’ll get closer and closer to the epic achievement of actually wearing all that stuff you “need.”

DON’T feel guilty about the accumulating NAYs. We’ve wasted just as much moolah on our castoffs as you did on yours. And it’s not like we’re throwing this stuff in the trash: We’re going to donate it, gift it, sell it, and/or re-fashion it. Stay tuned for tips on Greenly dispersing your NAYs slash organizing your YAYs.

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